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Intrepid She



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Day 202: A Good Day

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things, Healing Work 30 June 2014 · 202 views

June 30, 2014 Intrepid Age = 130 Days:
 
I have slept well three nights in a row. Really well! It has been the not waking in the middle of the night, not laying for an hour or two trying to fall asleep, not having nightmares, being woken by the alarm clock wondering, "what the hell?" type of sleeping well. And boy was I full of it today! My poo...


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Day 123: Faith in something better over the horizon

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Happy Things 12 April 2014 · 168 views

Apr. 12, 2014 (52 Days Into Becoming):
 
I feel overwhelmed today. So very much has happened in the last week. I have reached out in a number of ways for help I didn't understand how much I need. In a sense I have lost some control and I am afraid. But, I have felt arms around me and kindness touch my skin.
 
I have realized I just don't wa...


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Day 121: A Night Off

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Happy Things 10 April 2014 · 123 views

Apr. 10, 2014 (50 Days Into Becoming):
 
T-minus 5 minutes until I leave to go to a concert to see my favorite band in Portland, OR . . . one of my favorite places, with one of my favorite people . . . my long-time friend.
 
Intrepid


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Day 105: Taking it Easy

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Happy Things 25 March 2014 · 146 views

Mar. 25, 2014 (34 Days Into Becoming):
 
Tonight I will not grapple with a healing topic or work on an exercise. Although I do have an exercise from my T. Maybe I'll get to it tomorrow or some other day. No hurry.
 
I'm going to watch a little TV and try to turn in early. I'm wiped out after the intense emotions I have felt the la...


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Day 94: Breakthrough!

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things, Healing Work, Crying 14 March 2014 · 191 views

Mar. 14, 2014 (23 Days Into Becoming):
 
I already said the following in a comment, but I have been crying (I can't believe that!) since I wrote it. It's really important to me and I decided to make it it's own posting.
 
I am realizing that opening up to you all here is the kind of communication I need, the connecting I have miss...


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Day 92: A Letter to My Pandy's Community

Posted by intrepidshe , in Healing Work, Happy Things 12 March 2014 · 226 views

Mar. 12, 2014 (21 Days Into Becoming):
 
A conversation today gave me the idea for this entry - - - what it means to be intrepid.
 
Beautifulblogger provided the idea for this topic. Thank you!!
 
There is a second Pandy's friend who helped inspire this posting: someone else whose permission I need before revealing them. This person made a...


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Day 55: No Day But Today

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 03 February 2014 · 134 views

Feb. 3, 2014:
 
Observing how content I feel today made me think about the musical Rent. There are several songs in that show that I find deeply moving, whose lessons are becoming more meaningful to me every day.
 
In case you're not familiar with Rent, it involves a number of homosexual story lines. If this bothers you, you probably shouldn't c...


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Day 51 Happy Thoughts (Pride and Joy)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 30 January 2014 · 138 views

Jan. 30, 2014 (Countdown Part II: 14 days to gynecologic exam):
 
I have felt a bizarre mixture of emotions today, mainly an amalgam I couldn't describe. But, as evening pushes toward bedtime I realize two of the feelings are pride, and joy. I am proud of myself for making it through the appointment. I am joyful for the support of everyone here....


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Day 50 Happy Thoughts (A Trio)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 29 January 2014 · 235 views

Jan. 29, 2014 (Countdown: 11.5 hours to gynecologist consultation):
I didn't get in any kind of altercation/argument this week as the anxiety ramped up toward tomorrow's appointment. This is big improvement over times past.
Although I'm not getting enough sleep on weeknights, I continue to be free of the sleep medication and functioning acc...


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Day 49 Happy Thoughts (The Power of Vulnerability)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 28 January 2014 · 176 views

Jan. 28, 2014 (Countdown: 2 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I have two happy things, the first of which I described in my Healing Work posting , which is the way the support I experience here is soothing me and helping me feel more calm.
 
The second happy thing today is about vulnerability.
 
Vulnerability is a happy thing? http...


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Day 48 Happy Thoughts (Much Better) -- TW

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 27 January 2014 · 140 views

Trigger Warning. Please don't read the spoiler if talking about SI might trigger.
 
Jan. 27, 2014 (Countdown: 3 days to gynecologist consultation):
Doing much better now. This anxiety attack was less severe than others. Am I handling them better?
Listening to my favorite band. That's always a happy thing! :-)
Completed a project this evening. It kept...


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Day 47 Happy Thoughts (Crazy Awesome Dog and 'Crazy on You')

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 26 January 2014 · 197 views

Jan. 26, 2014 (Countdown: 4 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
Today I had a great laugh at the expense of our crazy awesome dog. He's very loving and seems like he wouldn't be a good guard dog because of how much he likes everyone he meets. He just wants everyone to pet him and play fetch. I have often wondered what he would do if really con...


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Day 46 Happy Thoughts (A Step in the Right Direction)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 25 January 2014 · 119 views

Jan. 25, 2014 (Countdown: 5 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
First, I am relieved today. I feel much better than I did yesterday. It doesn't upset or trigger panic in me to think about the doctor not answering or returning my call. It helped a great deal to admit what I was feeling, when I was feeling it. It helped to allow the feelings and...


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Day 45 Happy Thoughts (Must Be Determined)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 24 January 2014 · 120 views

Jan. 24, 2014 (Countdown: 6 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I feel like I really don't have this posting in me tonight. And, again, I remind myself, that's exactly the reason, and this is exactly the moment to be determined to stick with it. I've been sitting here for an hour waiting for the idea to emerge to propel my fingers across the k...


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Day 44 Happy Thoughts (Needing the Songs That Make Me Smile)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 23 January 2014 · 227 views

Jan. 23, 2014 (Countdown: 7 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
It's a bit more difficult tonight to complete this exercise. I'm a bit more anxious. But, that's all the more reason I need to do this. I have to keep reminding myself.
 
Since music is a sure source of joy for me, I'll list songs that I find particularly joyful.
 
Pleas...


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Day 43 Happy Thoughts (Synchronicity)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 22 January 2014 · 117 views

Jan. 22, 2014 (Countdown: 8 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I must have a bit of OCD because one of my very favorite things (aka Julie Andrews) is when something in my visual field (like a school zone light) flashes consistently on the beat to a song playing in my car. It is a very rare occurrence. Usually within 10 or 20 seconds the blink...


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Day 42 Happy Thoughts (A Little Challenging Today)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 22 January 2014 · 172 views

Jan. 21, 2014 (Countdown: 9 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
It is a little challenging today to generate this posting. I'm really fighting with myself. For the last hour I thought I would just skip it for tonight. But, I spaced out on some TV and calmed down. I'm feeling dissociative today. I have a trigger happening at work that I'll be d...


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Day 41 Happy Thoughts (Joy in the Recording)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 21 January 2014 · 96 views

Jan. 20, 2014 (Countdown: 10 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
As I was driving to a meeting today a song came on the radio (I can't remember now the title or anything) that is one of those songs that fills me with joy when I hear it. I always imagine that the musicians were having a blast when they were recording it and some of their e...


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Day 40 Happy Thoughts (A Good Day)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 19 January 2014 · 144 views

Jan. 19, 2014 (Countdown: 11 days to gynecologist consultation):
I really enjoyed the playoff games today. The team I was rooting for won. I don't normally root for a team. I just enjoy a competitive game. I love the athleticism and strategy. I love the pomp and enthusiasm. Today I loved the outcome as well.
I got a another great night of sleep...


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Day 39 Happy Thoughts (Anthem Songs)

Posted by intrepidshe , in Happy Things 19 January 2014 · 112 views

Jan. 18, 2014 (Countdown: 12 days to gynecologist consultation):
 
I got a lot of sleep last night and did not wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. 
I'm feeling inspired tonight by anthem songs related to accepting ourselves. I'm thinking of two performances from Glee:

 
Born This Way - by Lady Gaga ...






About Intrepid She

This is a moderated PUBLIC blog. This blog is a therapeutic tool I am using to help me get over my fear of doctors (which is made difficult by a history of abuse by them) to learn to grieve, and ultimately to integrate my dis-integrated heart.

 

View postings specific to health care.

View postings specific to touch.

View postings specific to crying.

 

The content of this blog is not appropriate for children or for anyone who might be triggered by reading about sexual abuse.

 

To the many others walking your own version of this path, I wish you well on your journey. -Intrepid

 

More Healing:

 

- Framed and Unashamed

- Yarnfoolishness' Journal

- Susanna's Blog

- What's Inside my Head?

- Healing Resources

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Contact Me Outside Pandys

I can be reached by email at a Gmail account based on my userid here in Pandys. I'm sure you can piece it together. I won't enter the address here because of bots that read email addresses from screens. I really don't want spam. But I wanted people outside of Pandys to be able to reach me.

July 2015

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