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Dr. Idle speaks


Life behind the veil; courage, personallity and succes hardly anyone sees.

Posted by Onno , 18 May 2014 · 94 views

Again a small entry about something that bugs me from time to time. I think this depends on how open you are about yourself, your history and what you do in your epic battles against the allied version of both first mentioned. I have kept myself and my history mainly for myself. Some know of.. and even fewer know about. In general I am content with keepin...


Healed.. and then what?

Posted by Onno , 15 May 2014 · 47 views

First of all I want to say that right now I am in a sad and bitter mood. I don't know why, it has been brooding at the mental horizon for some hours now and now at evening-fall it closed in on me. So if you can't handle sarcasm, don't read on.
I think it might be that I saw too little people last week. I have been holed up with a foster cat, that w...


Helpful thoughts on self-blame.

Posted by Onno , 12 April 2014 · 94 views

This will not be a big entry, but merely a thought that stuck into my mind.
First of all I want to state that I don't believe little children can ever be sexually responsible. The blame I henceforth speak of is just a feeling I only tend to have towards myself, which is, now I think of it, quite stupid of its own: why should you blame yourself things you...


To all the playground bullies: the lie about sticks and stones.

Posted by Onno , 11 March 2014 · 54 views

There is one thing about my abuse, that obviously has nothing to do with it. Still it spurred everything and not for the better. Just to be clear, I was never really bullied. I don't have experience in that matter, but there was a lot of bullying going on all around me. Things started at primary school and continued well into high school. Bullies came and...


Rape is as rape does, but what about the brother who did it?

Posted by Onno , 06 March 2014 · 98 views

Yesterday, I was driving my car to get some groceries, when my mind wandered of in the past. The thoughts unwound themselves along the ladder of accusation, in what has somewhat become like a mantra:
Yes, he did this to me.
Yes, it was wrong
Yes, it was abuse, so
Yes, he abused me.
Yes, he demanded sexual intercourse, so
Yes, he raped me, actually...



Posted by Onno , 19 December 2013 · 127 views

I had some kind of epiphany I want to share with you. I was abused by my brother and I have been asking myself when 'playing doctor' actually changed into abuse. The reason this question keeps popping up once in a while is that during the abuse, I did cooperate a lot. Sometimes it seems like I wanted to be abused and sometimes I really asked for sex. This...

September 2014

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