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Anxious Annie



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Calmed By My Triggerers

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 25 April 2014 · 128 views

Yesterday I walked into the elevator. I was alone.
Just as the doors started to close, an arm came through the door and three large (as in tall and muscular) guys came into the elevator. Immediately they started pushing one another, laughing, cursing, they even pushed one kid out of the elevator. He then forced his way back in. 
I pressed myself into...


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My Mother

Posted by anelisa , in Sexual Assault, Anxiety, Family Issues 22 April 2014 · 139 views

As all of you know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness month.
Because of this, I share my video on Facebook on Friday and Saturday nights.
Today I got a message from my mom:
I'm trying to figure out a nice way to say this, but I really dont know how. I'm genuinely concerned about your mental health. way you keep reposting that stuff over and over, makes yo...


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Breaking Down

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 15 February 2014 · 158 views

Today is the two-year anniversary of my stepmom’s death.
She was the primary mother figure in my life.
Today is an emotional day for me.
 
This morning my boyfriend dropped me off to spend the day with my family.
As he parked, he looked like something was on his mind. So I asked him what was bothering. He kept telling me it was nothing, but I k...


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Alcohol

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 10 February 2014 · 268 views

When I lived with my dad, he would drink...a lot.
That's when he became most belligerent.
And because of that, the smell of alcohol makes me gag.
Living with my mom's side of the family-none of them drink. Not a drop. So I have a lot of discouragement towards alcohol.
 
I've never been a partier. And until a couple weeks ago, I had never tried alcoho...


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Anxiety Attack 2/6/14

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 08 February 2014 · 221 views

For a class of mine I was instructed to watch an informational video.
My roommate has frequent migraines that are made worse by light, so I decided that I would watch this video on my laptop in my floor's lobby.
The lobby, which is usually quiet, was crawling with girls. They were laughing obnoxiously loud. They spoke loud enough that even having both ear...


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Anxiety? 1/21/14

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 21 January 2014 · 183 views

I spent last night with my boyfriend. 
I slept 8 whole hours-which is unusual for me.
In the morning, I made the 2.5 hour trip back to my school.
Since I was already out and about, I figured I'd run some errands.
I got more soap/shampoo before heading to the pharmacy up here.
A couple weeks ago, I misplaced my xanax.
I thought I could tough it out an...


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Violent Fantasies (TW)

Posted by anelisa , in Sexual Assault, Anxiety 08 January 2014 · 234 views

It started out as nightmares.
I would relive past traumas.
Then it began to escalate.
The nightmares would veer from the truth of the incidents and go in a darker path.
Instead of just being grabbed or hit, I would be severely beaten and raped. Sometimes killed.
I'd try to scream, but nothing would come out.
My face was pushed into the dirt.
I couldn't br...


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Anxiety Attack 12/31/13

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 31 December 2013 · 131 views

I spent yesterday, the anniversary of the assault, with my friend, Taylor.
We didn't talk about it. We played board games. We laughed. Watched Doctor Who. Watched superhero movies.
It was great catching up. 
We don't see each other much because we're going to schools 3 hours apart.
To get home from her house, I had to drive through town.
Who happens...


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Triggered by a 'Compliment'

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 23 December 2013 · 121 views

My boyfriend lives in a fraternity house.
At first, I was very hesitant to go there to see him.
So many guys.
But as soon as I met them, I felt a lot better.
It's an agricultural fraternity.
All of the boys there introduce themselves with a handshake.
Hold doors open for me.
They don't curse in front of girls.
They address me as 'ma'am'.
Very polite boys....


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Insurance

Posted by anelisa , in Anxiety 23 December 2013 · 115 views

Yesterday my mom mentioned my insurance.
She told me that I need to figure something out because my insurance ends in six months and then I'll have to pay out of pocket for my 'shit'.
My 'shit', as she puts it, is my T and my medication (antidepressants and anti-anxiety).
My insurance is through the state, because my mom is unemployed and in Nebraska you'...






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