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juliekay's Blog



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crying

Posted by juliekay , 21 December 2013 · 212 views

Sunday, 22nd of December,  Christmas time - nearly -  
past few weeks have felt my mood, spirit, sense of self, I dont know what to call it anymore,  whatever it is, it's been slipping away.  So very down, it's in my mind, my body, everywhere and I have no idea where it's come from this time.  Sometimes I know what it is, like, th...


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Claustrophobia?

Posted by juliekay , 13 October 2013 · 148 views

Needed to visit a car wrecking yard today to get a spare part for my car. Tiny little office filled with half a dozen guys all 6 feet tall (or so it seemed). Two doors but only one was the exit. It was blocked by a big guy. I swear I stopped breathing - and something tells me I dissociated - got what I needed and got outta there, only I took the wro...


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Time moves

Posted by juliekay , 04 October 2013 · 179 views

Been a while since I've written, need to update myself. Still feeling a lot stronger as result of changing number and social media profile. Have noticed that if my partner does something to annoy me I have started to snap back at him. Real actual anger which I would never, ever show to other males in my life before. I used to snap at my kids when...


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Changed my number

Posted by juliekay , 22 September 2013 · 152 views

Today is Monday and first thing this morning I called phone company to change my mobile phone number. No more random phone calls from the family! How bizarre that something so simple can give me a feeling of such strength! I have my sense of control and power back :yahoo: :yahoo:


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Saturday

Posted by juliekay , 21 September 2013 · 151 views

Saw therapist today. Was a hard visit, lots of tears on my part. Lots of talking things through. I came home and went to bed, slept for an hour and half. Woke up with low blood sugar which sucks but the weight had lifted a bit, can see a bit clearer now. Life not as hopeless as it was in the previous few days.


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Friday 20th

Posted by juliekay , 19 September 2013 · 105 views


Dead inside.
Dr put me on new pain killers yesterday for neuropathy (nerve pain) in my legs. They are working but making me numb inside. Guess that's a good thing. The anger of the past few days has subsided to the point that I still want them or myself dead to end it all and I can feel and say that with no emotion whatsoever.
Is that normal?


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Surviving when exhausted

Posted by juliekay , 18 September 2013 · 115 views

So tired today, mentally and physically drained.
Busy morning taking daughter to Doctor, she has tonsilitis :(
Then to pharmacy for anti biotics. (Forget to get my own script for anti depressants filled tho). Where was my brain at?
Then to supermarket so she can have icecream.
Took her home, did her dishes, did her laundry.
Back to supermarket...


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Auto pilot?

Posted by juliekay , 18 September 2013 · 127 views

It's Wednesday afternoon, nearly 48 hours since I got the phone call from "the father". Feelings of shock, fear, powerlessness and total distress have subsided. A lot calmer today but not sure if I'm on auto pilot or not. I spent so many years on auto pilot that large gaps of my life are missing.
I guess the good thing is I got thro...





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