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Sammyxxx's Blog



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Wanting too much

Posted by Sammyxxx , 07 October 2014 · 97 views

So I have been feeling inadequate in my relationship, spent most of this year on a diet and managed to loose 2stone 8lbs so far (this has meant a pretty extreme diet and has not been easy but I have only purged once in many months and that was last week after a bad day) another 6lbs and I will be what is described as my ideal weight although I am already...


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Kidding myself

Posted by Sammyxxx , 17 November 2013 · 203 views

I thought I was in a state of solitude but I have been lying to myself.
I am sad, I feel so fragile of late it only takes something very small to push me over the edge
I am not sleeping well, it doesn't help things at all. Last night I slept for just a couple of hours before
I woke myself dreaming again. I hate all the bad dreams, feel afraid to sleep som...


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Putting things off

Posted by Sammyxxx , 24 October 2013 · 151 views

I need to go and see my Dr, problem is I have always had a reluctance to do this. So many times I have been over the years to no avail and I hate not getting the help or diagnosis I need to get better. At least now I finally have a diagnosis of PTSD that makes sense of all the other symptoms I have had for years. I haven't left my house since Sunday,...


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Why?

Posted by Sammyxxx , 15 October 2013 · 148 views

Answered the phone tonight and it was my Mother-in-law, she is planning to visit again next month (not sure what date yet). I asked my husband if he could perhaps put them off visiting again as this will be their third visit in the last 4 months and I find it extremely stressful having them stay. Of course he is out at work all day when they stay and it...


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Good Day

Posted by Sammyxxx , 06 October 2013 · 187 views

So I am a part of a great social group, it's for folk who are into BDSM we meet 4 or 5 times a month and spend a day talking together. I think because we are open enough to share something so intimate about ourselves it makes for a stronger connection and friendship than you would get in any other group. Anyway we met up today and had a great afternoo...


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Too much

Posted by Sammyxxx , 30 September 2013 · 203 views

Went back to my Dr today - he was running 40mins late so I had a long stint in the waiting room, it was loud and I wanted to tune it all out and retreat into my mind but I was afraid I would miss hearing my name being called so I sat on full alert freaking out inside and on the verge of tears, wanting to run out of there and home. I was finally called and...


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Digging too deep

Posted by Sammyxxx , 26 September 2013 · 135 views

I feel let down again
I want to be your first priority
there you are off doing other things
putting others ahead of me again
I want to shout at you
You don't even realise that you are hurting me

I know I am upset and that's why it hurts right now
normally I wouldn't mind but you should know that by now
know that when I am fragile I need you m...


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To feel like a child

Posted by Sammyxxx , 26 September 2013 · 133 views

I remember so many times as a child feeling alone, scared, unwanted
Hiding under a bed, locking myself in the loo or the attic
An obsession with keys
Unable to know what was wrong but knowing things weren't right
Days off school sick, so many days..... tears at the front door
in the morning not wanting to go back again
Distant from the other kids - no...


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Sorrow and Hope

Posted by Sammyxxx , 25 September 2013 · 150 views

I have been surprised since getting my own diagnosis of PTSD only weeks ago at how many friends I have in their early 20's who also have been diagnosed with PTSD. Part of me wonders how they have managed to get diagnosed so quickly when it has taken so many, many years for my own. Part of me feels deep sorrow that as a society we seem to be no further...


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Back from honeymoon into darkness

Posted by Sammyxxx , 24 September 2013 · 124 views

My place is a total mess right now. I managed to get several loads of washing through the washer and dryer but still have to sort it all out get the ironing done and put it all away. One of the cupboards in the kitchen had to be moved to get a new fridge in and I cannot get it fixed back in place myself so have to wait for my husband to help with it and u...






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