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Questions About Body Memories

Posted by Parlophone , 23 September 2013 · 82 views

So, my questions are:

1.) Is it possible for body memories to appear later than others? (I do believe I recently discovered a new body memory that I've never felt before)

2.) Is it normal for body memories to worsen/become more painful? If so, why might the pain increase? Is it because I'm able to handle these memories now or something?


I'...


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Scared...

Posted by Parlophone , 20 September 2013 · 64 views

So, if you read my last post, I recently reconnected with a side of myself that I used to bury my anger and sadness since I was 4 years old. I've started letting her write in her own journal and... recently, she's been bringing up information that kind of scares me.

Earlier, when I saw my T, I had to tell her again about everything in my past tha...


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Poem: I Will Be Heard

Posted by Parlophone , 08 September 2013 · 98 views

For every time I feel a sense of guilt; For every time I feel a sense of shame; For every time I feel like I'm to blame; here are some things to rid myself of shame.



It wasn't my fault for what happened to me.
It was something a child could never foresee.

It wasn't my fault that my trust was betrayed.
I could never have guessed upon me tha...


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New Memory

Posted by Parlophone , 07 September 2013 · 61 views

Er, more like a resurfaced memory. I've always remembered this, I just never thought it may have been related to CSA.

So, when I was a little girl between the ages of 6 and 8, I remember I was lying down and taking a nap. Anyways, when I woke up (and I am 100% sure I was awake), I remember that I was starting to sit up when someone or something pinne...


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Things Are Starting to Look Pretty Fishy

Posted by Parlophone , 04 September 2013 · 104 views

:trigger:/>TRIGGER WARNING!!! Proceed with caution. :trigger:/>

So yesterday I was reading this book that was really triggering to read since the girl in the book had been through practically everything I had been through, and then some. Anyways, while I read the book I seemed stable enough until I got to her flashbacks. That's wh...


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It Couldn't Be Possible... [TW]

Posted by Parlophone , 28 August 2013 · 72 views

So, today I went to my therapist and unfortunately we ran out of time so I couldn't get the EMDR treatment. I get to do it next session though so that's good!

When I get EMDR, I'm going to see if I can get any memories back of my father perhaps sexually abusing me when I was a little girl. For those of you who haven't seen my previous...


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From: Did Dad Really Do It? [TW]

Posted by Parlophone , 27 August 2013 · 50 views

Ever since I have begun to remember an incident of rape that happened to me at age 6, I can't help but wonder if I was sexually abused more than once by a different person. I wonder this because when I would sexually act out, I would do so many graphic things and I figure that I couldn't have learned all of that in just one session.

So, all wh...


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Did she remember what I couldn't? [TW]

Posted by Parlophone , 20 August 2013 · 47 views

The Broken Doll -- Age 6 or 7
[This account is spoken in third person as I like to visualize that this did not directly happen to me]

When the little girl would act out sexually in her room, sometimes she'd pretend that she was a doll, marionette, robot, etc.. She'd pretend that she was doing whatever before an imaginary man came into the r...


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I'm so scared...

Posted by Parlophone , 12 August 2013 · 50 views

I told my mother a small snippet of what he did to me... then she asked me who he was and I clammed up. I was afraid. I don't know who he was or what he looked like, and even though I am not in that area anymore, I was afraid.

He told me that if I told anyone he would kill me... maybe that's what made me forget.

Then last night I had a nigh...


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From: I'm going to be sick

Posted by Parlophone , 11 August 2013 · 52 views

Alright, so earlier today me and my mother were talking about how men and hymens and stuff. Then one thing led to another and then my mom mentioned something that I feared existed...

She said that when I was little she remembered finding my underwear on the floor like I had just took them off and left them there. Then she picked them up and saw a little...






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