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TiMe2HeaLMe's Blog


Mixed emotions and bye bye 20s

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 18 January 2014 · 110 views

Farewell 20s in the next two hours. U were so full of ups and down, happiness and sadness. I learnt so much, i met wonderful people, i had my beautiful daughter and will always love her beautiful father, but know we just have to be friends now.

I have a lovely partner but its not ideal as he's so far away and I'm scared to get close to anyone.

In many...


I can't believe I did this

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 26 October 2013 · 112 views

This is me in panic mode, complete panic mode possibly heading for meltdown. I have these about once a month and sometimes it leads to terrible self destructive behaviour. I'm meant be seeing my boyfriend in Barbados in three weeks time or so and I ve told him I'm scared to go see him cuz I'm scared if he gets drunk he might rape me. I ve n...



Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 22 October 2013 · 120 views

Why does my own mother make me feel so inadequate? My father has really hurt me by some pretty awful comments, making me feel completely inadequate, ugly and stupid. I'm thirty years old nearly but treated like some adolescent with nothing going for herself. They are the ones who are meant to be supporting me, instead they enhance the feelings that...


Struggling so much

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 03 September 2013 · 185 views

Things just don't get better do they? Not really. I think I'm getting somewhere.....maybe slowly......but it's never good enough is it. I always end up back there. People who claim to care just patronise and tell me I should be over it, they diagnose, they label and they judge, but really when it comes to it they re just hurting me more and m...


I told my father

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 26 August 2013 · 129 views

I Told my father I was raped eleven years ago. Just like that. It blurted out because I was drunk and angry. I can't even remember how he reacted but I shouldn't have told him.


Another day

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 18 August 2013 · 100 views

Today I just feel like not getting up. So much to do, and I'm so alone wi all these bad memories. The sad thing is I don't even have the time to mourn them. If I let myself mourn them I will lose sight of staying focused on day to day life. It's such an effort to stay focused o. Day to day lid when everything hurts so much. I ve tried so l...


Let down by a T I will never forget

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 14 August 2013 · 94 views

It's all about me

It's all about me not understanding,

Not seeing it like u do,

not being likeable enough,

Not attractive enough

But too pretty In a way that makes me look stupid,

Only to be walked all over, led on and raped by men,

I will never forget u S##### u### even though I was the one who decided not to see u anymore.

I reached ou...


What are you doing to yourself?

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 08 August 2013 · 84 views

What are you doing?

Why do you do is to yourself?

You do this to fight them? To fight the ones who want to control you.

But you let them win because you did what they said you would do and you didn't control it or stop like the big girl your meant to be.

So now you can't do shit.

Your just a child, a child inside a thirty year old woman who...


No pretty way

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 05 August 2013 · 85 views

As I spilled out my story the other day it was like a big boil that had to be burst and my god it as messy, over ten years worth to come out. I feel so exposed and humiliated, like I ve been waiting all this time to vomit, now I finally have it won't stop. There's just more and more and more to come out and what makes me feel so vulnerable is th...


Sometimes I wish had fought harder

Posted by TiMe2HeaLMe , 04 August 2013 · 92 views

I ve always been told I'm a fighter but the truth is I don't want to fight anymore because the fighter that you see in me would have been the death of me.

So would it have been better if I had fought to the death of me? I fought enough, I told him no over and over again but he wouldn't stop and he hurt me so much but I could have fought more...

October 2015

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