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The Wonderland Years



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they say don't give up on people cause they're all we've got.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 25 May 2016 · 12 views

and whoever 'they' are 'they're' well they're not wrong. no ad i'm not giving up on *people* in general. just one. and i'm giving him up not giving up on him.
 
no but i mean cmon let's just be honest: in a way that's saying well the world can have him. here there ya go. cause i'm done w/ him. ad ya know maybe it's both in fact it probably is both. i...


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yeah but as sick as i get......... [ED content no details]

Posted by lilyvanilla , 25 May 2016 · 15 views

ya know. the reality of it as sick as i get. he won't suddenly know that and come to my door and take care of me. esp. not now now that i'm living w/ people. i mean yeah sure it's a nice thought. and i would love it if he did if my life was arranged that way right now. but it's just not. and that's. well it ishow it is.
 
so i can either get better a...


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afloat. nothin wrong w/ that.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 25 May 2016 · 12 views

ya know. there's nothin wrong w/ people..........or, w/e. keeping us keeping other people afloat. in fact we need that. [oh yes]. but what makes it hard [well for me anyway] is when/that we get attached to those people.


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i........

Posted by lilyvanilla , 25 May 2016 · 15 views

well it's been awhile since i've last written er blogged. w/e. anyway about 2 months.
 
so and i'm probably paritally being influenced by um lady problems and the emotions that come w/ them.i um. there's something weighing heavily on my mind. so this friend of mine ca guy. i've mentioned him before. i. i'm thinking of letting him go bc. i can't do th...


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sleep, again. [mentions drinking]

Posted by lilyvanilla , 09 April 2016 · 32 views

so. today after drinking i went to sleep at 4:30 a.m. which hasn't happened in at least 2 wks. and woke up at 12. so i got..........um........ 7.5 hrs. of sleep.
 
that's all.


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food is too much.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 08 April 2016 · 46 views

that's why i can't eat. er i don't want to rather. [i have been btw]. is cause food is too much eating is too much. it's been almost 2 wks. since i last went to the store but i'm going next tues. as that's when i get my food money on that date.
 
um so today i had:
2 cookies
shells w/ cheese
brocolli
oh and cheerios
 
yesterday i had:
um...........


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but i can't go back to who i was yesterday bc i was a different person then.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 08 April 2016 · 35 views

a member on this site has that as part of their signature thingy. it's from 'alice'. and ya know i was thinking about it recently. who was i before i was raped? er raped the first time i mean. this isn't the first time i've run across that question. well i was 16 and actually cared.like deeply cared about people. i was..........i, actually was in boarding...


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maybe it was safer not to tell.and maybe it still is.but damnit.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 08 April 2016 · 44 views

yeah so as put. ya know [as i've gone over twice now] i don't talk about it. i didn't tell, right when it happened.er after.the the rapes. i mean after they happened i didn't............yeah. and since i don't have any evidence there wouldn't be any point to telling other than you know, to tell. and make it official and have people know.
 
and a part...


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sleep, at 9:40 a.m.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 08 April 2016 · 33 views

actually no i'm not asleep i've been awake for 3 hrs. after only sleeping for 5. wait no......um fuuuuuuu..........i went to sleep at like 9:40 last night then woke up at 2:10 this morning so that's um............well almost 5 hrs. + ok so almost 10 hrs.
 
ok so i got 10 hrs. sleep last night into this morning.
 
i got..............10 hrs. wed....


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so it went from a 10 to a 7 on wed.

Posted by lilyvanilla , 08 April 2016 · 24 views

the ptsd thing. 
 
so i went to my mom's wed. instead of thurs. yesterday. usually i go thurs. - fri. but they're out of town today being fri. so.........yeah.
 
and shit got real wed. i was sitting in my park thinking about stuff and yeah.it got real.more real then it's been in awhile.
 
and yesterday it went back to an 8.i think....






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