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The real begining

Posted by PandaLily , 08 April 2014 · 33 views

I am coming out of a dark period and it's feeling so good to be me right now. For the first time I am in a good period and feeling like maybe it could last a little while, not that it's just a very short reprieve from the darkness. I am going to take advantage of this time to try to work on some things, like eating habits, getting a little more active, an...


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The Story of a Girl

Posted by PandaLily , 07 March 2014 · 99 views

I feel sometimes a broken shell of a girl. I feel sometimes so strong that there is nothing in the world that I could not do. It's tricky to go through life feeling both of these things, so contradicting.
 
I don't know where to start telling my story, a story that until recently felt more like chapters culled from different stories, none of them rea...


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My Amazing, Wonderful, Splendid week :)

Posted by PandaLily , 26 August 2013 · 57 views

I am so grateful for how life is going of late. I started taking Celexa and I just can't believe how free I feel of the anxiety that I didn't even know what anxiety, it was just a normal thing that was with me for as long as I can remember. With the easing of the anxiety and depression, comes a new energy. A drive and motivation to make changes in...


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And so she freaks out...

Posted by PandaLily , 24 June 2013 · 40 views

So I have a pdoc appt coming up and the closer it gets the more I don't want to go. I am obsessing about this stupid appointment and it's all I can think about. I have something written out to bring because I can't talk still, and I tried to be very honest, because that's the point, right?

But seriously, I am supposed to hand some comple...


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gr%*st*#$@)iw(%#2#$%

Posted by PandaLily , 21 June 2013 · 49 views

I see that there is no fire in you, no fucking motivation at all. What good is it that you are nice to me if you can't help to do that things that have to be done. Okay, you had some rough times, I get that. Trust me, I do. But I don't understand that you can't fucking worry enough to take care of important things. Am I supposed to do everythi...


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It's not just about me...

Posted by PandaLily , 21 June 2013 · 35 views

I get caught up in my head so much, all the time really. Worried about what's wrong with me, what happened to me, the things that I have done wrong in life. I forget sometimes, I lose sight, of the people around me. People who depend on me and some who love me and they have lives and worries and burdens and joys that they need to share with me. What a...


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I can feel my mood changing... and I'm scared.

Posted by PandaLily , 18 June 2013 · 36 views

"I can feel my mood changing... and I'm scared."

I spoke these words to my SO yesterday. After a wonderful weekend and feeling so great, out of nowhere I could feel that something was changing. I don't know why yet, but I could tell that it was happening.

I am told that this is great, that it's a start. Although I was not able to id...


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The trouble with touch

Posted by PandaLily , 17 June 2013 · 52 views

I am with a very good man who I have known for 8 years, we have dated multiple times in those years and we seem to always be pulled back together. We have been living together for 2 years now. Two years that he describes as the most volatile and chaotic relationship in his life and I describe as the most stable and healthy in mine.

Often in the morning,...


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A Wonderful Kind of Morning

Posted by PandaLily , 15 June 2013 · 31 views

I woke up today with a smile on my face. I love mornings like that because I know that chances are it means a good day lies ahead. As we got up and got ready to go to work I was struck by the beauty in everyday moments. Moments filled with wonderful ordinary things, like fogged mirrors with smiles drawn on them and steaming cups of coffee with buttered to...


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Awkward Conversation

Posted by PandaLily , 13 June 2013 · 37 views

My OH just had a talk with me about my disordered eating habits. He is concerned about how often I have been purging, which I love him for his concern and he is very kind in talking about it, but I'd rather not talk about it or think about it at all.

I know that it is out of concern that he mentions it, but I don't know where to go with that. I...






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