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It's Not Fair.

Posted by lotus~flower , 02 March 2014 · 115 views

It's not fair that while walking downtown, in a completely public area, I still have to be cautious or frightened about the people walking by me. 
Furthermore...it's not fair to the males who walk by be for me to judge them and automatically ready my pepper spray for if they put a hand on me...just because they're bigger than I am.
I wi...


Ending Winter Break

Posted by lotus~flower , 06 January 2014 · 203 views

I've had a pretty great winter break...I get to see my bf everyday...things have been going great with my family...I haven't had any encounters with the boys who r*ped me. Unfortunately, the end of the break is proving to be pretty stressful, which I really don't need considering going back to school is going to be stressful enough. 


Mistakes--and moving past them

Posted by lotus~flower , 04 January 2014 · 193 views

Today was full of mistakes.
First, my boyfriend was supposed to go on a trip to Belize with his parents but found out his passport expired.
Then I missed some easy shots and got a technical called on me during our basketball game--which we lost.

Both of these problems made the day pretty stressful for me...so I need to take a second and look on the po...


New Years

Posted by lotus~flower , in Uncategorized, My Life 02 January 2014 · 133 views

I've never really done New Year resolutions with any type of seriousness, but this year I feel that there are some constructive things that I need to do.
My first resolution is to be patient. I've found myself snapping at my boyfriend and family more and more recently and it's really not fair to them. I need to remind myself to be patient in situat...



Posted by lotus~flower , 21 December 2013 · 136 views

I'm very proud of myself today because I realized that I'm finding autonomy outside of my relationship with Tate.
As of now things are up in the air because he doesn't know if he can be happy/his best self in the situation (long distance relationship) that we are in right now.
During my T session today I talked about how,even though I realllllly don't wan...


Social Anxiety

Posted by lotus~flower , 30 July 2013 · 175 views

I've recently realized something about myself that I don't know if I really want to have recognized in myself.

I know that after my r*** my social anxiety has been higher than it usually was, but I'm really feeling lonely in a different way right now. My lack of interest/drive to really become friends with people is very low right now and I...


Wendy Davis and other awesomeness

Posted by lotus~flower , 26 June 2013 · 164 views

I'm just so excited right now and I need someplace to share all of it!

So Wendy Davis' filibuster was successful (yay women's rights!) AND today Prop 8 and Doma were killed! (yay human rights!)

So yeah I'm now filled with the burning energy of feminism and am ready to take down the Patriarchy single handedly ;)



Modern Comedies

Posted by lotus~flower , 25 June 2013 · 163 views

The other night I went with my boyfriend and his family to This is the End. I didn't look up any trigger warnings for it...which in light of the last comedy I went to see in theaters (Wonderstone something or other) I really should have. The thing about comedies that I'm beginning to notice is that they're generally funny until they take it wa...


I never have to see them (at school) again!

Posted by lotus~flower , 24 June 2013 · 172 views

The two boys who raped me graduated (ugh)...but now I never have to see them at school again!
I spent my entire junior year being scared every time I had to walk in the hallway or turn a corner. However, I'm so proud of myself for pushing through the stress and anxiety and continuing to attend my school.
I'm so glad that I won't ever have...


I Shouldn't Have to Justify Myself

Posted by lotus~flower , 07 May 2013 · 195 views

Sometimes I feel like no one really believes me and that I constantly need to justify/explain my rape.

I think this is mostly because my attackers go to my school, and they've told their own twisted lies to all of their friends, and all of those people believe them. I go to a school of about 200 people and unfortunately those boys are "popular...

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