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Trigger warning :(

Posted by pancake , 03 April 2015 · 123 views

Ive been thinking about sexuality alot recently and been wondering what i find actractive and why. Sorry to be really open and blunt but i really need to be. Ive been watching more porn than usual and masturbating more than usual. I use to have no sex drive what so ever. I now do have one but somethign that happened the other day upset me. I was in work a...


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I quit my cleaning job..sorry about the rant

Posted by pancake , 28 March 2015 · 83 views

a few days ago  i got a text from the boss of one of the cleanin companies i work for. It said 'you are bang out of order for starting work at four, i will see you tonight'. I am meant to clean at 6 but for the first month both the other cleaner and i did from half four and no one seemed to mind. afew days ago i did two days early because i was off o...


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bunnies

Posted by pancake , 18 March 2015 · 66 views

well i guess i thought i needed to write down how i feel about the new things going on in my life. If you have been reading my blogs you will know my life has gone through a massive change over the last year. Most recently i was made reduandant from a shop that i had hated working in for years. It was scary but it felt like a good oppotunity to go in a di...


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rude ppl

Posted by pancake , 12 March 2015 · 49 views

I went to choir this morning and a woman turned round and said i looked depressed. It pisses me off when ppl say that. What do they expect u to say? Thanks for pointing it out? Then she asked me what i did for a job and I said i was a cleaner. She said...oh that's a shame! I didn't know what to say! So rude! Then she said i must have ocd to be a cleaner....


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being lied to by therapist

Posted by pancake , 02 March 2015 · 137 views

I saw a therapist for a couple of years she was really helpful and i held/hold her very highly in my heart and mind.
a few months back i emailed her after not seeing her for about two years just to see if she still worked at the practice and to see if i could make an appointment when i felt ready. She told me she had left the practice and now worked from...


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trigger warning

Posted by pancake , 28 February 2015 · 85 views

i knew when i went to rock choir i found it difficult. Since hen i have been having lots of dreams. Last night it was all about which direction to go in and my dad (abuser) wanted everyone to go through a cave which was not safe. I tried to stop people going that way. A woman was dead on the side of the road. Thats all i remember.
 
I know that going...


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window in to my thoughts today. trigger warning

Posted by pancake , 26 February 2015 · 78 views

Today i joined rock choir. I found it stressful and i wonder if anyone can relate to the thoughts i had.
 
walked in to the building and saw a lady who looked at me
 
me-'Is there a choir here?'
her 'Yes'
me-'Ive come for a taster thing...and i dunno'
 
(oh god i sounded so stupid)
 
her- 'let me introduce you to the leader'
 
*o...


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first weekend of my new life

Posted by pancake , 23 February 2015 · 90 views

so i have finally left the shop after nearly 7 years. im not sure how i feel tbh. confused i guess. i feel like im on holiday until my cleaning job starts. im very aware that i have to stay 'up'. if i allow myself to feel low or if i stop i with lose momentum and i will be dragged down in to the pit of depression and whats the point. I have to remain hope...


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thoughts on my redundancy

Posted by pancake , 15 February 2015 · 51 views

i guess i just needed to write out everything that is going on in my head. 
 
if you have been following my blog you will know that i will be made redundant on friday. i could have taken jobs in other shops but tbh i have had enough and if i leave now i get redundancy. its only 700 pounds for 6 yeas work. not alot. but its better than leaving w...


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My new life

Posted by pancake , 01 February 2015 · 87 views

lots of changes have happened recently and they are good changes but also scary. When neill moved out i HAD to cope. i didnt allow myself not to cope, i told myself i could do it, i could go to all the interbeiws and i could get through each day. that i could sort out phone calls on my own now because i have to. after a month of telling myself i CAN do th...






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