Jump to content

pancake's Blog


Trigger warning :(

Posted by pancake , 03 April 2015 · 123 views

Ive been thinking about sexuality alot recently and been wondering what i find actractive and why. Sorry to be really open and blunt but i really need to be. Ive been watching more porn than usual and masturbating more than usual. I use to have no sex drive what so ever. I now do have one but somethign that happened the other day upset me. I was in work a...


I quit my cleaning job..sorry about the rant

Posted by pancake , 28 March 2015 · 83 views

a few days ago  i got a text from the boss of one of the cleanin companies i work for. It said 'you are bang out of order for starting work at four, i will see you tonight'. I am meant to clean at 6 but for the first month both the other cleaner and i did from half four and no one seemed to mind. afew days ago i did two days early because i was off o...



Posted by pancake , 18 March 2015 · 66 views

well i guess i thought i needed to write down how i feel about the new things going on in my life. If you have been reading my blogs you will know my life has gone through a massive change over the last year. Most recently i was made reduandant from a shop that i had hated working in for years. It was scary but it felt like a good oppotunity to go in a di...


rude ppl

Posted by pancake , 12 March 2015 · 49 views

I went to choir this morning and a woman turned round and said i looked depressed. It pisses me off when ppl say that. What do they expect u to say? Thanks for pointing it out? Then she asked me what i did for a job and I said i was a cleaner. She said...oh that's a shame! I didn't know what to say! So rude! Then she said i must have ocd to be a cleaner....


being lied to by therapist

Posted by pancake , 02 March 2015 · 137 views

I saw a therapist for a couple of years she was really helpful and i held/hold her very highly in my heart and mind.
a few months back i emailed her after not seeing her for about two years just to see if she still worked at the practice and to see if i could make an appointment when i felt ready. She told me she had left the practice and now worked from...


trigger warning

Posted by pancake , 28 February 2015 · 85 views

i knew when i went to rock choir i found it difficult. Since hen i have been having lots of dreams. Last night it was all about which direction to go in and my dad (abuser) wanted everyone to go through a cave which was not safe. I tried to stop people going that way. A woman was dead on the side of the road. Thats all i remember.
I know that going...


window in to my thoughts today. trigger warning

Posted by pancake , 26 February 2015 · 78 views

Today i joined rock choir. I found it stressful and i wonder if anyone can relate to the thoughts i had.
walked in to the building and saw a lady who looked at me
me-'Is there a choir here?'
her 'Yes'
me-'Ive come for a taster thing...and i dunno'
(oh god i sounded so stupid)
her- 'let me introduce you to the leader'


first weekend of my new life

Posted by pancake , 23 February 2015 · 90 views

so i have finally left the shop after nearly 7 years. im not sure how i feel tbh. confused i guess. i feel like im on holiday until my cleaning job starts. im very aware that i have to stay 'up'. if i allow myself to feel low or if i stop i with lose momentum and i will be dragged down in to the pit of depression and whats the point. I have to remain hope...


thoughts on my redundancy

Posted by pancake , 15 February 2015 · 51 views

i guess i just needed to write out everything that is going on in my head. 
if you have been following my blog you will know that i will be made redundant on friday. i could have taken jobs in other shops but tbh i have had enough and if i leave now i get redundancy. its only 700 pounds for 6 yeas work. not alot. but its better than leaving w...


My new life

Posted by pancake , 01 February 2015 · 87 views

lots of changes have happened recently and they are good changes but also scary. When neill moved out i HAD to cope. i didnt allow myself not to cope, i told myself i could do it, i could go to all the interbeiws and i could get through each day. that i could sort out phone calls on my own now because i have to. after a month of telling myself i CAN do th...

Recent Entries

May 2015

24252627 28 2930

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.