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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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reflecting

13 February 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
for six months after i had been sexually assaulted- i did not tell my family what happened. i didn't want to. part of me was screaming to let it out- but part of me also wanted to deny that it had even happened at all.
my body itself could not deny that i had been assaulted. i started to experience racing thoughts, extreme anxiety, a constant...
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self acceptance

10 February 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
it's going to be ok. the way i feel is fine right now. i feel depressed. ok. i don't feel like leaving the house. ok.
i get intimidated by the idea of talking to other girls at my college classes. that is justifiable- seeing as how i have gone through so much bullshit and so much betrayal with girls in the past.
that is ok.
it will take...
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i'm capable of...

10 February 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
about an hour ago my heart was racing.
i think i was on the verge of having a panic attack.
my mom was laying on the couch across from me. i don't think she was aware of how i was feeling. i was simply laying there, my eyes were closed, and she was talking to me. she knew i was awake. i just wanted to go to my room. i didn't want to be...
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my little sister is here.

09 February 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
my little sister is over right now.
she's dating the cousin of my rapist.
at my last therapy session my therapist asked if i can ever forgive my sister for this. i had to think about it. it boiled down to (and this how i responded): i don't care about my sister's relationship with the guy. i care more about my relationship with my...
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verbal abuser

08 February 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
i think my feelings of low self-esteem and low self-worth stem back to a time before i was sexually assaulted.

i graduated from a performing arts school that had just opened the school year 06-07. the decision to leave my regular high school with all of my old friends and my regular school activities was difficult, but i was really interested in...
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letters i won't send.

06 February 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
-TRIGGER WARNING-
i have written letters to 3 people in my life. i just need to get this stuff out. this is for closure, i guess.
they're extremely personal so please be warned that they may cause triggers.

--------------------------------------------------
dear T******
i hope you found pleasure in violating me because i am...
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can't stand this.

06 February 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
i hate the way my life turned out. there's no fuckin hope for me i'm never going to get better and i'm just a goddamn loser. if this is a dream, please wake me up. if all of this is real, i'd rather be asleep.

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Posted by bluebird88  
i feel so stressed out all the time that my head hurts. my head is fucking sore thinking about all of this but i can't stop thinking about all of it and sleeping is the only way out. i slept all day today, woke up and took a shower. my head hurts again and i'm fucking sick of the way i feel i hate it!!!
why did i think that...
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sleep.

27 January 2013
Posted by bluebird88  
i'd rather sleep all day than deal with what i'm dealing with right now. it's easier to be asleep than have to feel this way.

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Posted by bluebird88  
i'm so angry i could cry but what the hell will crying do that won't change a goddamn thing i fucking hate my life.

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