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EVH's Blog


what truly matters

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 23 August 2013 · 144 views

Had to wash some towels. Don't ask me how I did it, probably fucked it up like heating the green stuff yesterday in this white, cubical thing fuck it don't remember the name of it. Cubical? Is it cubical? It's white. Definitely. Funny white cubical thing making strange noises. Anyway. Washed the towels, in another white cubical thing, but bigg...


No noise, just peace

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 23 August 2013 · 132 views

I can't do it anymore. i can't.

"Imagine this:

You're all snuggled up. Pillow under your head. Friend by your side. Holoding your hand, stroking your head, gently brushing your hair from your eyes. No noise, just peace, and light. You close your eyes, you see and feel light all around you. You sink into sleep, feeling safe, feeling loved...


Bathroom floor

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 19 August 2013 · 133 views

Spent the night lying on the bathroom floor, naked. My visions, flashbacks and pain knocked me down. Couldn't move. When I finally managed to get up I took a shower to wash off the red stuff covering my body. And other stuff. Cold water. I didn't care. I just stood there letting the water hit me. Millions of thoughts running through my head. Milli...


The glow is gone

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 19 August 2013 · 112 views

They keep punishing me. My mouth is burning. I can't imagine the candle. The pain is too intense. The glow is gone.
They suck the life out of me.


The voice in my heart

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 19 August 2013 · 107 views

They won't stop hurting me. They won't. Unless they get what they want.
So, maybe they are the voice I hear in my head, but what I hear in my heart is this:

Imagine there is a candle. Lit, on the coffee table in front of us. It's flickering, and the flame is growing. It glows, and the glow surrounds us. It is warm, it is safe. The glow is b...


Please hold my hand

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 18 August 2013 · 125 views

Can someone please hold my hand through this? please? Please help. They are tearing me apart. Hurting me. I can't stop it.

Please hold me


silk threads

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 16 August 2013 · 137 views

every breath is hanging by a silk thread
catch it
if you can


the soup

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 13 August 2013 · 103 views

Hey Eve


I know you don't remember me

Not really, no, I'm sorry

Ok, let me help you remember

Oh, yeah hi Shape, you look better! much better!

Yes, I got a little stronger

That's great, I'm so glad. I'm happy for you. So you're safe? Someone's taking care of you?

Yes, I'm safe. She's safe too and much s...


One of those days

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 09 August 2013 · 92 views

It's one of those days when the doctor tells you to stay in bed, not to move much or at all if possible. Resting in a horizontal position for hours means you have too much time to think. And too much time to feel. My hallucinations just love situations like this. It's a perfect opportunity to fuck with my head even more. Just wondering if I can ge...


I command you

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 09 August 2013 · 100 views

If you keep doing this, it will end really bad.

Oh look who's here. Was it too warm for you this time?

Can you please listen to me for a minute?

I've been listening to you for way too long. I'm not playing your games anymore.

So now you're listening to them? They tell you to do this to yourself and you just listen and do what they say?...


it's over

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 08 August 2013 · 108 views


Fuck off. Fuck you! Leave me the fuck alone. What are you staring at?

Get up please. Clean the wounds. Eve, get up.

Fuck off. Fuck you. Fuck your light. Fuck your stories. I hate you.

I know. Get up ok? Come Iíll show you something.

I donít want you to show me your shit anymore.

Itís not my shit, itís your shit.

Fuck you! You want to...


Dark prayers

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 06 August 2013 · 118 views

No! No more hallucinations. Whoever you are and whatever you want, go away! Leave me alone. Please leave me alone, I can't do this anymore.

Eve, listen to me, it's important. Here, look, I will warm you up, you're freezing. Come closer please we don't have much time.

Please don't hurt me ok?

I won't. Promise. Ok, that...



Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 05 August 2013 · 127 views

I'm losing my mind


They're here

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 04 August 2013 · 91 views

They're here. Huge dark shapes. Way worse than the old ones. Scary. Ugly. Loud. Furious. Screaming. Attacking me. They put images in my head. They make me hear voices, screams, noises. They make me cry. They make me scream. They make me crawl. They make me hurt myself. They make me want to die. That's their strategy. They want me to go with them....


It's getting cold

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 04 August 2013 · 103 views

It's getting cold. I can hear them coming. Waiting. Deap breath. It'll be ok.


When they come

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 04 August 2013 · 95 views

Hey, no more vodka, you spilled the last one. No body, no vodka. Are you ok? What's happening? Why are you so, um, faded, more transparent and why are they so close, why, wtf? Donít! Why do you let them do that, fight them away, whatís happening? Why are they so loud, make them stop please make them stop!

I canít. They are very strong. They...


When you stop believing

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 02 August 2013 · 103 views

Great, like I needed another hallucination today. Who the fuck are you?

Remember the BBQ shapes from Coles?

What are you talking about?! What do you want?

I was thinking

Oh, hallucinations can do that?

I don't know ask your hallucinations.

That's what I'm doing. daa

I'm not your hallucination, stop insulting me.

Denial. Get it....


Here's hoping

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 28 July 2013 · 100 views

Forgive my thoughts when I'm asleep
Forgive these words I'm yet to speak
I feel so ashamed

Right now you seem so far away
So much confusion clouds my mind
And I don't know which path to take

Here's hoping
You'll help me to be brave


healing happened (?)

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, Hallucinations 28 July 2013 · 93 views

Are you here? Hello? Can we talk?

Yes, I think we need to talk.

Ok great. What the fuck happened today?

Your healing happened.

Oh so you call it healing? I have never experienced such powerful detailed flashbacks. WTF? You let them rape me again, beat me, hurt me, torture me. All of them. You made me go through a pure horror. Is this your understandin...


stupid little human being

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, Uncategorized 25 July 2013 · 116 views

What are you doing? Stop or I'll stab you in the back again.

Do it. I have my drugs, so fuuuuck, fuck, what the fuck, stop it, fuck you. You think I won't get up or what? fuck you and your fucking back pain. Here see, I don't give a shit about your fuuuuuck fucking pain. Stop it.

Stop packing.

Make me.

School starts on Monday.

I'm not...

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