Jump to content


EVH's Blog



Photo

We need a strategy

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 01 August 2013 · 75 views

So how was your week?

I donít know.

Ok, weíll go day by day then. How was Monday?

I donít know.

Tuesday?

I donít know.

How about Wednesday? Yesterday.

I donít know

Yes you do. Eve I need you to focus, ok? Tell me about Monday, your big day.

I donít know.

You donít know or you donít want to talk about it? I donít expect you to tell me it was grea...


Photo

agree vs. disagree

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 23 July 2013 · 125 views

*TRIGGER* Sex talk

T always knows how to ruin my day. Grrr. Today he wanted to discuss this blog:
http://thoughtcatalo...sex-after-rape/

WTF? I mean why the fuck do we have to talk about it? When it comes to sex, firstly: I donít give shit, secondly, I DONíT GIVE A SHIT! But I didn't have the energy tod...


Photo

Struggling

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, T-Sessions, Hallucinations 19 July 2013 · 90 views

Tough T-session. Tough day. Very mean and annoying hallucinations. Especially one of them. Talking in riddles.
Really struggling today. Shit...


Photo

my shooting star

Posted by EVH , in Hallucinations, T-Sessions, Uncategorized 11 July 2013 · 127 views

T wanted to talk about last Wednesday. I didn't. We argued. He won. Damn you T. Then he said we definitely need a new strategy. So I had to make a deal with myself. From now on when I feel the urge to cut I talk to someone first. Not necessarily about cutting, about anything, just to get away from my thoughts and the urge. Then I do somethng I like or...


Photo

madness

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, T-Sessions 02 July 2013 · 91 views

losing my mind


Photo

Serenade

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, T-Sessions 02 July 2013 · 91 views

So heavy on my heart tonight...





Photo

the most fantastic hallucination ever

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 01 July 2013 · 105 views

Yesterday I had the most fantastic hallucination ever! I can't stop thinking about it. I was talking to this amazing girl. Don't remember her name. Anyway, she said she was my friend. And I couldn't believe it, but she knew so much about me, she knew the truth, my truth, and she didn't mind, she was there regardless. I really felt like...


Photo

Crossroads

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 30 June 2013 · 93 views

This has to stop. Me being like this has to stop. But what if I do it and something goes wrong. Very wrong. Terribly wrong. An open brain surgery? Am I ready to do that? How much risk am I ready to take? Am I ready to risk my life? Am I ready to lose it? Yes, I think I am. The only thing I'm not ready for is to get much worse than I am right now. To l...


Photo

New scans

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 30 June 2013 · 84 views

Contacted my doctors. More meds. More tests. More scans.

They asked if my headaches got worse too. Yep, it's not just the hallucinations. It's so much more than that. I forget more and more. There are days when I don't remember anything and anyone. Days when I don't recognise myself in the mirror (!)

They said the hematomas probably...


Photo

waiting for the Sandman

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 28 June 2013 · 106 views

*trigger*

They came to hurt me again. They made me take a knife and do what they always want me to do. They scare me, they don't listen to me, if I don't do what they tell me they choke me, I can't breathe, I can't move. I always beg them to let me cut my legs or arms or my back, but they never listen, they always force me to put the knif...


Photo

Punishment

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, T-Sessions 28 June 2013 · 94 views

I keep punishing myself. For not knowing stuff, for forgetting stuff, for not remembering stuff, for not being able to speak, for not being able to live my life, for my wounds, for my scars, for the pain I feel, for being in this place, for losing everything, for letting them hurt me, for not fighting hard enough, for not screaming loud enough, for who I...


Photo

b.r.e.a.d.

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 28 June 2013 · 88 views

So I got angry at myself for being like this and decided to go and buy some bread. Only when I got there I forgot what it looks like, so I couldn't buy it, because I didn't know where to look for it. And I forgot it's called B.R.E.A.D. so I couldn't ask where to find it. Started freaking out. So I ran. I ran home. Got lost. Of course. Foun...


Photo

I'm a self harmer

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 27 June 2013 · 101 views

I'm a self harmer.
I cut myself, but never on the outside.
I hit myself.
I punch hard objects.
Sometimes I scratch myself.
Oh and bite myself...

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:
:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:




Photo

spiraling down

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 27 June 2013 · 98 views

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:

SPIRALING DOWN VIDEO


Photo

there is a monster

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 27 June 2013 · 88 views

I'm so f*cking tired of this shit. F*ck it.F*ck.F*ck.F*ck.F*ck.F*ck.F*ck.F***************ck!!
shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit I feel like shit, I look like shit + have a huge pile of shit instead of a brain. can't even make a f*cking tea without burning my hand, can't even do normal stuff, normal things, easy th...


Photo

a wall so high

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, T-Sessions 26 June 2013 · 101 views




Photo

The smile-memory

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 24 June 2013 · 109 views

Oh hi, you're here to say goodbye, aren't you?

Yes

Can you stay a little while longer? Please don't go

I can't and you know that. We agreed to this, you agreed to this. These are the consequences, you knew about it.

Can't you just make the close-your-eyes-and-let-your-mind-go thing? I will let it go this time ok? Take me with yo...


Photo

When I see the sun rising

Posted by EVH , in Uncategorized, T-Sessions 23 June 2013 · 114 views

Today I realised that the idea of having to live a new day scares me out and kinda weighs me down. When I see the sun rising I can't stop the tears. I know a new day is coming. And nothing is going to change. Nothing. I gave up. I can't do it anymore. They said this is my life now and the sooner I accept that the better, the sooner I stop fighting...


Photo

our little talks

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 22 June 2013 · 100 views




Photo

Please remember

Posted by EVH , in T-Sessions, Uncategorized 13 June 2013 · 92 views

Hey, what are you doing here?

Just wanted to see how you are doing. Don't worry, she's safe, sleeping. She's not alone. She never is. She has a whole army protecting her.
I'm here because it's time.

What do you mean?

You're done here. She has your light. And she knows how to protect it. Now she knows. You read the email, she...






1 user(s) viewing

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.