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One Day at a Time



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Ache.

Posted by one.day. , 19 March 2016 · 84 views

There's a weight suspended inside of me.

It's violent rocking. It's lethal sway. It's yearning to drop. The unbearable force, straining on the cord. The painful constant ache in the pit of the stomach. Metallic clashes, heavy load; the struggle to pull it up. Frayed rope, tattered dreams, tired hope. Strength is failing. The support is breaking. The eer...


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5 t - stages of grief

Posted by one.day. , 09 March 2016 · 121 views

5 t - stages of grief Today we spoke about the five stages of grief. Grief doesn't have to mean a literal death. It can be something,  anything that has ended suddenly, with no warning. First is shock. You're walking around in a bubble. Second there's searching. Looking for answers. With myself why didn't I leave sooner? If only I had been 'good' or better. Thirdly, the e...


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4th T session and talking to doctor: ups and downs

Posted by one.day. , 05 March 2016 · 107 views

My last session, we spoke about the physical symptoms of anxiety and why they happen. The adrenalin build up through years of genetics. How the cave man would need extra energy to hunt or fight. That the heart races to pump blood around the body. We redden and become flushed. That we sweat in an attempt to cool down the body. That we shake in order to mov...


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3rd t session: 'mini melt down'

Posted by one.day. , 17 February 2016 · 105 views

Today's session is a bit of a blur. I brought in something I wrote. A metaphor she used really sunk in with me. She said it's like a dam of emotions but there's a crack in the defense. The fear is that everything comes gushing out and that you will be flooded and my fear is being sectioned, crazy, falling apart. She said we need to work on the safety over...


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2nd counselling session. 4 characters

Posted by one.day. , 03 February 2016 · 118 views

Today we talked about the four characters. These are the people that you are likely to encounter. She demonstrates using her fingers that the first character on your little finger, is the bully. They like to make people small and insignificant. They are selfish and arrogant. It's their way or no one else's. 


Moving along is the manipulator. The min...


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Here and now - 1st T appointment

Posted by one.day. , 27 January 2016 · 130 views

First proper counselling session today, the focus was on 'the here and now'. I was so nervous, I found it harder to be at ease with this lady compared to the screening assessment woman. 


She kept asking me throughout if I had ever had anxiety treatment before. It was quite a constant question and I don't know why she kept asking me. I said I tried...


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Struggling *triggers throughout*

Posted by one.day. , 25 January 2016 · 111 views

I'm struggling at the minute with my moods. I just feel like there is so much going on in my head, things I don't understand, too many emotions. It's overwhelming me. I can't cope with it, I've started to self harm again. I know how foolish it is, I'd stopped for so long. I don't even know why I did but now it's like an addiction. It seems harder to get b...


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It began with love *triggers*

Posted by one.day. , 23 January 2016 · 82 views

I've just watched a programme and I just feel so silly that I didnt see it myself. From the smaller of the escalation, she found out he was cheating and she asked him. He threw it back in her face. Do I give you money? Do I look after you? Do I treat you like a princess? I love you. I love you. You must know i love you and would never hurt you. Then you a...


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Can't find my referal form

Posted by one.day. , 12 January 2016 · 71 views

I'm not sure what I'm so scared of. I can't use a telephone.  As much as I want or need to my pulse races. It took so much for me to ring a domestic abuse hotline, answering their questionnaires brought back such painful memories. Though I felt free knowing I had spoken. I was referred to a charity and for a specific worker. I was told they may phone...


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One big stress

Posted by one.day. , 10 January 2016 · 161 views

All day I've had to listen to why isn't the house tidy? Why am I so lazy and fat?Why have I gone back to school? When am i going to move out? What did I do for my partner to leave me? The constant tension my dad causes in the house. The rows he has with my mum.


It's been dig after dig. I know how disappointing I am without the literal reminders. I liter...






July 2016

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.