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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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Posted by Wil  
[font=Arial][size=2]Since big 'big freeze' at the doctor's the other weekI've been thinking a lot about how well - or not - I'm doing, and having a lookat my PTSD symptoms. It occurred to me in T this week that I've made a lot ofadaptations, so although I'm 'coping' in a lot of respects, I can also see thatto...
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Posted by Wil  
This felt like a very productive session. Frequently I forget some (or all) of what we spoke about, so I'm adding this here before it gets the chance to filter away.

[size="2"]It was okay to react that way. It was perfectly normal. It was not a failure. I am not a failure.

It was a huge...
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Tags: therapy, notes

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Posted by Wil  
[font="Arial, sans-serif"][size="2"][i]I wrote this last week and then kind of sat on it. I wasn't sure whether to post it or not. I was going to delete it and then I though 'sod it'. So I'm posting it instead. Just for me, because I can't stand erasing my feelings and keeping quiet about it...
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Tags: see my rapist, panic attack

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Posted by Wil  
These last few weeks have not been good. That's a fact,just a fact - big deal, bad times happen - I need to stop using them as an excuse. I've been telling myself that because I'm not SHing (I would really like too) that I'm doing fine. What cr*p. I've been purging so much that now if I eat particular[size=2]...
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Posted by Wil  
[size="2"]I can see now that there have been a lot of men in my life who completely took advantage of me, who exploited my naivety and my insecurities as far as they could. Most of these people were much older than I was - usually over 20 years my senior when I was still a teenager. Some of them I called my boyfriend. I don't really...
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Like a kick to the stomach

08 February 2013
Posted by Wil  
I was talking to my brother about my eldest's schooling. I mentioned his friends - to my pleasure (and relief) after some pretty stressful years at primary school Son1 has made good friends and has kept them for several years now. But just lately there have been a few minor falling outs - typically, mostly over girls - and Son1 had asked for...
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So hurt

10 January 2013
Posted by Wil  
It's funny how time can play itself out over and over again. And ironic? tragic? that sometimes these repetitions only occur because the players of the piece are aware of their past.

Out of we two, I am not the favoured one. My mother and I are quite unlike - in temperament, in interests, in desires, in expression. My brother, however, has...
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Tags: therapy, family, black sheep, favouritism

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Scared of being Scared

12 December 2012
Posted by Wil  
It's occurred to me that I've avoided so many situations, not because I'm scared of history repeating itself, or of getting depressed per se, but because I'm scared stiff of what will happen after I get emotional. I've spent too long terrified that facing anything uncomfortable will set of my bipolar, and that once an...
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Tags: therapy, bipolar, triggers

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Triggers

11 December 2012
Posted by Wil  
My triggers are many and varied. I recently tried noting them down. On paper, scrawled and jumbled - twenty-six of them. Not counting any sexually-related ones - I could be all day listing those. If I was brave enough.

I brought my list to T today. Not sure what I was expecting. I know I need kick-starting into dealing with them. I'm so sick...
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Tags: Triggers, therapy session

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A life less lived....

21 November 2012
Posted by Wil  
I am damaged.

I have lost the ability to trust. I cannot bond, I struggle to identify with others and (worse?) I now no longer care.

I have never had a 'healthy' sex life. I doubt I ever will. The extent of this damage I find too much to comprehend and too disgusting to ever put words to.

I have spent 20 years too scared to live, to...
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