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Broken



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From: Letters to my Rapists

Posted by robinsonjd11 , 05 October 2012 · 24 views

Letters to my Rapist is a series of poems I wrote to the men who hurt me.



Letters to my Rapists

#1
So broken, so alone
Thatís what youíve done to me
I was just a little girl
Only five or six
I didnít know or understand
Why I was in so much pain
I grew up wondering what was wrong with me
Why did I hurt so bad
Why was I so broken
I was a child
I had...


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From: Damaged

Posted by robinsonjd11 , 05 October 2012 · 13 views


This is a video I created to help me deal with the things that happened to me as a child and adult.

Source: Damaged


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release

Posted by robinsonjd11 , 16 September 2012 · 19 views



I created this video as a way to express my pain and progress in a creative way.


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From: Sibling Abuse/ Incest- Telling the Truth

Posted by robinsonjd11 , 27 August 2012 · 47 views

I tried to write in this topic before but my computer deleted what I wrote before I could post. At first, I took it as a sign that I shouldn't write this down but I know it will just continue to eat at me until there is nothing left. I don't if what happened to me would qualify as abuse. Me and the people who hurt me were all children, but I need to get this out anyway. When I was a kid so many bad things happened to me. I didn't like them or want them to happen but most of the time I just felt like I had no choice. The People who did those things to me were my brothers and their friends, and their ages ranged from a year younger than me to grown men. I wish I could forget this stuff but its sticks in my memory and I can't let it go. I was just a kid. I wasn't even in kindergarten when it started. My first time having sex was 5 or 6, and I can't exactly remember the age I was when I was first touched. I just remember how much I hated it I remember how I much I wanted to die or just disappear. I remember wishing God would just take me away and let live with him. I hated them and that stuff so much. I hated being touched and made to do those things. I hated being locked in the room with them and them making me touch them and them touching me and sticking their things inside me and taking turns. I hated the pain and I just wanted them to stop but they never did. I hate laying their own the couch as my brothers' friends laid on top of me and forced me to be with them. I never understood why she didn't come out of that room and stop them. Why she didn't save me. I hated her for it and I knew if I told her or anyone else they would just blame me. I was supposed to be the good girl in the family. I used to feel so sick afterwards and I remember one time when I nine or so that I thought I was pregnant. I didn't even know what that meant back then, but I knew where babies came from. I was so scared that I would get in trouble that I climbed to the top of my bump bed and threw myself off of it hoping to land on my stomach and make the baby go away. I knew what was happening was wrong and even when I got old enough to stop it, I couldn't because I was afraid. I was afraid everyone would hate me and think of me as a disgusting, horrible person so I never told. I would tell myself it was my fault and if I really wanted it to stop then it would have stopped, even though I know that is not true. The weird part is I still love my brothers to death. I can't be around them a lot because of the memories and have stopped talking to my entire family and live far away, but I still love them so much. I tell myself that we were all just kids and we had it rough growing up and they didn't know how bad they hurt me, but I can't stop the anger feel for them at times. I see them with my nieces on the rare occasions I do go back, and I am so afraid that they will hurt them like they hurt me, even though they seem like great fathers. We were just kids. I can't blame them, can I? Yet, I hate myself so much for it and so many more bad things have happened because of it. I lost my innocence and I can't get it back. It's hard for me to even believe that anyone can or will every love me. I feel like I am nothing and will always be nothing. What I really just can't understand is if we were all just kids, and we didn't know any better, why do I still feel this way all these years later? :confused: :tear:

Source: Sibling abuse/incest


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From: I Don't know Where to Start

Posted by robinsonjd11 , 27 August 2012 · 16 views

Just like my title, I don't know where to start...with this post, telling my story, my life. I just don't know where to start. I've tried therapy, and groups, and all kinds of things, but I always end up back here, alone and unable to get the words out, or let go of the pain that feels like it is crushing. I'm hoping by writing it down in...


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My First Time....I think I was 5 or 6

Posted by robinsonjd11 , 25 August 2012 · 12 views

The hardest part about writing this blog is exploring territory I swore I would take to my grave. The words I write in this blog have never been told to anyone, not a single soul. While some people may know bits and pieces about the things that have happened to me, no one knows what I am about to write in this entry or my future ones, but I know if I keep...


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Why I Write

Posted by robinsonjd11 , 25 August 2012 · 9 views

If you talked to me today, you would think I was your normal 22 year old woman with some child like qualities. You would see a young college student and Army soldier/veteran who has a plan for her life and is on track. You would see a young woman who is outgoing and likes to help people and make them happy. You would see a smiling face without a care in t...





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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.