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My stepfather's stories

14 October 2012
Posted by thisisjay  
Sometimes I feel really stupid when I look back and think of all the things my stepfather said to me that I believed. I know that I was a child. I understand that children naturally believe authority figures. But sometimes I just can't help feeling stupid.

My stepfather liked to tell me stories that would scare me. Not even when he was...
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Posted by thisisjay  
I wasn't planning on spending any time on Pandy's this weekend. I have two big papers to write before Wednesday, but I had an unexpected moment and I felt like I needed to be here.

I went shopping today. Old Navy is having a sale on coats today. They're only $15. I decided to buy one. I haven't had a coat in years. The only...
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Being Poor

20 September 2012
Posted by thisisjay  
John Scazi wrote this essay that was linked to a Cnn article today. The essay is called "Being Poor." I found it on their website tonight. I just wanted to share it with you guys. It's really good and brought up quite a few memories.

http://whatever.scal.../03/being-poor/

P.S. It's not very long.

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Avoiding the Past

30 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay  
I've been kind of avoiding Pandy's lately. I just really haven't felt like being here. I've been checking in sparadically and not staying on the site very long. Lately when I've come here I've just read a couple non-intense posts, maybe responded to some status updates, and then quickly left the site. I think that I'm...
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Posted by thisisjay  
My best friend was just here and I use that term loosely. We were close once, but not so much anymore. It's like that with all of my friends. I avoid seeing them because I feel so uncomfortable and ashamed around them. They all talk about how great their lives are and then ask me about mine but I never have anything to say. They all have other...
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Confronting my abuser

01 August 2012
Posted by thisisjay  
Last year I found out my stepfather died. We were contacted by an insurance company because apparently my mother was still the person he listed. Turned out he died late December 2010. When I found out he was dead I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it, not until I was holding his death certificate in my hands. When we got it in the mail, I...
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Posted by thisisjay  
I've been thinking about the poem In the Desert by Stephen Crane. I really love this poem. It's one of my favorites. I guess because I relate to it. I just thought I would share it for those who don't know it.

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, beastial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his...
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Insomniacs

26 June 2012
Posted by thisisjay  
Why is it that so many of us seem to be insomniacs? I've noticed, and not for the first time, that many of the people on this site post in the early hours of the morning. I couldn't stop crying around 1 am last night. Most of my bad moment come early/late at night. It seems it's that way for a lot of people. Why is that? Is it because...
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