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Change

16 June 2013
Posted by writer2010  
So a lot has happened ever since graduating high school (basically these past three years) and now the whole change effect is really kicking in. I have been very fortunate and been enjoying my internship on a movie studio lot where not too many people will have the chance to see behind the scenes like I do. One of my friends, who I have known...
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Day by day

13 June 2013
Posted by writer2010  
I actually kind of like going to the therapist weekly; but it is tough because of copay and it adds up in the long run. My T actually seems to want me to come in every other week which is 'good' I suppose since its kind of me testing to see if I am able to stop the anxiety. However, I do-in a way-feel the need to go more into details about...
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Mix of emotions

09 June 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Just been crying out of anger that dissolves into hurt and wanting to punch these idiots. Just a few mins ago, my mom told me that a house that she and fiance put an offer on in the city where possibly my dad lives was accepted. It is weird too because earlier today too, mom wanted to drive by the house and show me and I said no because I do not...
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Grief

08 June 2013
Posted by writer2010  
So, feel like when I am home, I think a bit too much about everything over the years that had happened. I know that I am afraid of being hurt again and having people and situations repeat in the future and even today. I know that I hate feeling sad and angry over these situations; but realizing that crying it out is possibly teaching myself to...
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Posted by writer2010  
My T has been helping me overcome anxiety and how to take more control over it and not let it ruin my life; but my first session when she had asked why I came to the office, I told her because of the anxiety and stress. She eventually asked me if I was sexually abused and I remember hesitating before I said yes and by my brother. I do not want to...
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Posted by writer2010  
I was supposed to take this internship last semester; but due to my school schedule and long hours, the intern coordinator turned me down and suggested that I take it for the summer. I remember I broke out into a panic attack when I saw her email response because I was upset and relieved, realizing that there was no way that I could take an...
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I dont know anymore

27 May 2013
Posted by writer2010  
How I feel about everything. Angry; then sad; then heartbroken and back all over again. I just want this pain and anger to go with them and sometimes I even scream why are their lives better and why do they get to be happy and move on like I am the bad guy and a piece of s****! I keep telling myself (or try to) that I only have so much...
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Lately

20 May 2013
Posted by writer2010  
Been 'rewarding' myself as T mentions especially since I burned out real bad this past Nov-Jan by always work work working and not really taking breaks. And with all of the past family stuff, just really hit my hard. But just wanted to say that I feel like I am getting better each day by praying and self-talking out of the anxiety before...
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Posted by writer2010  
I always hate when I get like this, all sad and frustrated and even angry. I guess I am just sick and tired of all of this pain. I feel like no matter what, this family (mom, dad, brother and particularly dad's side: aunt, cousin, uncle and other sister, and whatever) is just done the drain. I am ashamed. Even lately too, my mom seems to get...
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Posted by writer2010  
I should just seriously go stay at a motel or something. It sounds mean, but almost do not want to spend these holidays with any family or really no one anymore. Brother is STILL HERE and its not the fact that hes here that pisses me off but more of the, okay you spent time with mom now LEAVE. I hate it too how he is trying to fix something around...
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