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survadvo's Blog


taking comfort in pandys

Posted by survadvo , 08 December 2015 · 103 views

Where to start.

Okay so I haven't been on pandys for a while. Over a year. I've been trying to get on top of everything. Trying to pull away from being a survivor and be *enter real name here* getting some of my identity back rather than being dictated to by my experiences of being sexually abused.

I'm having a bit of a sucky time again. Mixture of a...


conversation with myself: a chance to change

Posted by survadvo , 04 July 2014 · 158 views


I cam feel another downward cycle. Therapy of 8 months is finished. I've taken myself off meds as Side effects were making me Ill.

I think my low mood is to do with coming off meds abruptly as well as being ill recently and my others halts family wishing I had cancer and would die ( their words and a long story)

Well I'm feeling pretty scared...


5 things

Posted by survadvo , 24 January 2014 · 199 views

been a while since ive done this and ive just blogged a pretty ranty blog just a few minutes ago but other than imagining my safe place i thought iw ould try some old techniques so here i go .... 
5 things im grateful for: 
- my friends and family being so supportive when there was once a time when they were not supportive at all...


Back Again ! EMDR

Posted by survadvo , 24 January 2014 · 180 views

Okay so I haven't been on pandies for a long time. 
I even briefly forgot what it was called. i just new i wanted to come back and visit! 
I forgot about this blog. 
I forgot how much comfort it used to give me. i started to read a few posts and it reminded me what i have achieved and how proud i should be of myself. It also m...


I know I'll be okay

Posted by survadvo , 31 August 2013 · 239 views

Okay I'm angry but I can get through this. I can.

No doubt

No doubt at all your not going to beat me

I am a survivor and I'm powerful.

I'm powerful because I can call myself a survivor. So many people go unheard

I'm a lucky person managed to get you in prison. It's luck. So many people suffer through disbelief well I told th...


dont feel that i .... errrm

Posted by survadvo , 20 November 2012 · 189 views

i dunno just font feel that i belong.

feel that i cant say how i really feel here any more

dont feel that im helping here anymore

dont see any point - just gotta get over it

people might know who i am

i sound like im paranoid but ive had reason too lately. police telling me they will gain access to MY pandys, no one else might i add just mine, the...


feeling pretty cleansed

Posted by survadvo , 12 November 2012 · 161 views

okay so im feeling pretty crap still in my head... my body is def telling me im stressed with the chronic stomach cramps but for some reason even though the prospect of life is pretty scary right now there is this inner part of me that feels okay.

ive had a wonderful relaxing evening with candles, music and half a glass of red wine... dont dare have mr...


fed up

Posted by survadvo , 10 November 2012 · 188 views

Well there is this part of me that feels like I've been through so much this last year that I think my limit of crap that I can deal with has been exceeded. Before I might have been more understanding but now I just tell people I've had enough of to "get lost" as I haven't got the patience .....

....but as I wrote that last line, No i...


living off money that perp earned me

Posted by survadvo , 03 November 2012 · 132 views

okay so i dont have an income, no benfits. no job. no personal savings

just the money i got from the criminal injuries compensation authority

so in a way ... money my abuser earnt for me by abuseing me. im okay with that in a way as i know deep down its compensation for what he did to me

but every time i buy something .... kevin brought that for me...


dealing with old feelings

Posted by survadvo , 24 October 2012 · 232 views

its just so weird how all of a sudden things get hard ... i've been doing so well but this past week things seem to come a head again

i've stopped myself laying in bed all day so i know i'm not bad again but why now ? what has been the trigger ?

i just cant figure it out.... i re read my victim personal statement and that has helped me real...

July 2016

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