Jump to content

Evie03's Blog


not sure why but pretty sure ive done something

Posted by bellabee3 , 29 November 2014 · 101 views

Wrong. To emma this girlfrd of my bfs mate. We live real close to eachother... like 7 or 8 houses away. But i get the feeling ive done something wrong. I'm not 100% sure what it is. Maybe its that im struggling with her kids a bit at the mo. She has 2 gorgeous kids. 8 and almost 5. They r really good kids but kids r kids and have always stressed me out e...


had a few drinks tonight.

Posted by bellabee3 , 28 November 2014 · 112 views

Felt like a break from my head. Pretty sure i know now for sure i am different in all ways...im different. Something o always knew but didnt wanna accecpt. God life can suck.


tired again

Posted by bellabee3 , 24 November 2014 · 110 views

Bf kept stealing the blankets last night. And my cat sat on my legs all night. I dont like when she does that. I feel trapped. Shoulders killing me too. So over this chronic pain thing. Driving me nuts.

Finally made at appointment to see someone about my contraception cause im bleedibg. I hate bleeding. Gives me flashbacks. Horrible so not fair... feeli...


too scared to sleep

Posted by bellabee3 , 22 November 2014 · 130 views

So had nightmares i couldnt wake up from last night... thanks to the new recovered memory i guess. Not fun. Im struggling to breathe or swallow. Its probably a body memory made all the worse by the fact i got my period again. Stupid stupid deprovera stopping working. These cramps r killing me. I wanna curl up n cry n hide under a blanket. I feel like this...


just recovered a memory *tw*

Posted by bellabee3 , 21 November 2014 · 98 views

Its 12:34am. I remembered. I know now why its so hard to breathe when im freaking out. I remember his hands. I remember the hard toys underneath me. Giving me bruises. And not being able to breathe. I know why i like having my hair up. So its not tangling around my throat. He pressed into that hollow bit below where a guys adams apple is. I can feel it al...



Posted by bellabee3 , 21 November 2014 · 100 views

My cat is called lunadea. And sometimes she drives me mad. Shes so loving and i dont feel like i deserve it or can handle it. Sometimes... i ignore her. And she just curls up next to me. And other times i need her, shes almost always there for me. Am i bad? For ignoring her? She is so so talkative and whiney when she needs something.... which is fine almo...


my symbol of survival

Posted by bellabee3 , 20 November 2014 · 119 views

I just finished reading for the night. I was reading abandoned by anya peters. In case anyone wants to read it. Its good. Got some triggering parts in it early on. Not super descriptive thou so you can skip it and not miss out anything too bad. Its the first book ive read about R and all that in yonks. Like least a year. Ive been a total ostrich and burie...


i dont know *might trigger*

Posted by bellabee3 , 19 November 2014 · 132 views

I dont even know what to say. I totally fell off the edge of the earth. I stopped seeing my T. I stopped a bunch of meds. Then i lost the plot and ended up on new ones that wernt weight gaining. I tried exploring paganism. Ive lost some weight. Ive socially died. I dont like people at all. I just dont know. I think i was pretending to be a different perso...


feel so confused and lost right now

Posted by bellabee3 , 27 August 2013 · 142 views

I hate assessments. they drive me nuts.telling me i have all these possible diagnosises and then take over 6 months to do the assessment for DID, and now i have to wait another week to see if i have DID, or whether i am just not normal. and if the assessment says yes i have to wait more months to find out if the psychartrist thinks i have it too. yay. not...



Posted by bellabee3 , 07 July 2013 · 196 views

im always tired. always. doesnt matter if i have coffee, or caffiene or anything. im just tired. tired of life, of the world. im depressed. and my boyfirend doesnt get why im tired all the time. hes a no stress, no worries person. thats not me. so he doesnt get me. i stress him out, i make him worry then he gets grumpy. such fun being broken.

June 2016

192021222324 25

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.