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Learning to Live Again


Pregnant Again?

Posted by lost.dancer , 04 April 2013 · 34 views

I am freaking out. Though I dont know if it is true or not yet, i still can not bare to even think about it. I lost my last child to a liar who used me, i cant lose another one. I have an IUD in place but there is still a possibility. Though slim i seem to have the right luck when it comes to these types of things. I am not sure what i would do or how i w...



Posted by lost.dancer , 30 January 2013 · 54 views

Searching, thats all i ever do. I am on this constant journey looking for what i lost those many years ago. At times I am running so fast that i miss out on the beautiful things around me. The wonderful people who have entered into my life. I try to slow down but I can never seem to stop in time and they become yet another blur in my memory.
I have just...


Coming alive at night

Posted by lost.dancer , 21 November 2012 · 41 views

I dont know why, but every night for the past 3 months i have been coming alive. Wide awake like a zombie i sit with this crazy need for drugs and alcohol and a razor. It consumes my mind and takes over my body. I need it, i cant sleep with out it. This feeling this overwhelming feeling only happens at night. During the day i am fine i wake up normal happ...


down from here

Posted by lost.dancer , 20 November 2012 · 48 views

I just want to be free, i just want to run and never stop. Just keep running until there is nothing left of me to go on. I am tired and I am sick, But most of all I am broken, beaten down, and abused. I am a used toy, old and chipped. My wheels no longer turn, and my color is faded.
This feeling, this overwhelming feeling of helplessness kicks in every y...


Moving on...

Posted by lost.dancer , 20 October 2012 · 42 views

Moving on, thats what everyone keeps telling me. Just move on. But i can't just move on! I cant move on from what happened to me, i cant move on from losing my child, and i cant move on from losing the man that i created her with. I dont understand why he has such a hold on me, why any of these men have a hold on me. It stings, my heart, every tim...


love again?

Posted by lost.dancer , 16 October 2012 · 60 views

WIll i ever love agian? a question that rings true every day of my life. I question my ability to open up to someone new. And when i do, i question how long it will last, how long until i will push them out again. I guess i honestly dont even remember what it feels like to love. To put your whole heart into something, someone... let them into your life an...



Posted by lost.dancer , 14 October 2012 · 17 views

Alone... thatís all that I feel. Lost in life wondering around in circles screaming for help but no one answers my call. It hurts, watching people, passing by in life smiling, while Iím crying, dying inside from the hurt, the pain that rips me apart limb from limb until there is nothing left but scraps of flesh and bone. Bits and pieces of my soul spread...



Posted by lost.dancer , 06 August 2012 · 35 views

i lost myself the day that they touched me. I know im in there somewhere, some days i can feel myself screaming for help, to be let go. Im not sure how to become the person i once was, im not sure if that is even possible. At this point i have become positive that there is no hope for love in my life, i just dont know how to feel anymore. I cant expect so...


Its All Coming Back To Me

Posted by lost.dancer , 03 July 2012 · 21 views

Its been months since my last anxiety attack and recently it has all come back to me and hit me like a freight train. I cant stop thinking about what happened how it has changed me, who i would have been. I just wish there was some magic cure to make it all go away.


Today was a Good Day!

Posted by lost.dancer , 20 March 2012 · 22 views

Last night i went for a walk downtown. I felt free again. I did it all by myself and i did it at night with my headphones in. I was a little on edge at first but after about 10 mins i calmed down. This morning i woke up feeling great. Its like a stepping stone to gaining control of my life agian. I feel so empowered by that walk that it has reinstilled so...

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