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The Eve of Christmas

Posted by SFP , 24 December 2012 · 14 views

Family gatherings bring along with it Christmas triggers. I'm surprised at the emotions that I am having, and have for the last few days.
My mother is in town, not to excited about it and I feel bad because of it. I love my mother, but damn if I am not still angry at her. Getting together with the whole family tomorrow, not looking forward to that...


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More than a thought

Posted by SFP , 30 April 2012 · 16 views

I signed up here reluctantly in February I think it was. I never thought I would write on here, participate in any way, much less talk with anyone.
I am soooooo glad that I found this place, so glad.


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Just putting thoughts out on the table

Posted by SFP , 15 April 2012 · 8 views

I recently have come back from a major meltdown. Never had one that was as bad as it was and believe me I have had some nasty ones. This one scared me on how deep I went and where I wanted to go.
So the night before my typical schedule of seeing her the next day, after I told her I quit at my prior session, she calls (my T). I told her I think that I sh...


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Just a vent

Posted by SFP , 25 March 2012 · 9 views

For what do I owe this atrocity to.
What did a child do to warrant such atrocity.
What can a child do to warrant an atrocity.
A child can't. A child is innocent of any wrongdoing of the wrong that was exacted upon that child.
I am innocent of any wrongdoing, utterly, completely, totally, without any doubt whatsoever, innocent, period and of story.
I...


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I need to keep going forward

Posted by SFP , 22 March 2012 · 8 views

Feeling like I am starting my downward trend. Don't have a clue why. Went and taught kayaking tonight, talked with some friends, then I came home.
I look at my home and I can't believe how messy it is. It's 1:30 in the morning and I am up typing when I should be sleeping. I know that would be the healthy choice to make. That what would be...


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Brief....or so it started to be

Posted by SFP , 22 March 2012 · 6 views

Just wrote something that kind of hit home for me.
While I have not put any details about my history, it very nice to come here knowing that everyone knows that I have one, a history of the abuse I endured.
Something that I don't have to be concerned about hiding, or watching what I say so my secret doesn't get out.
For me I find it to b...


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I read, and I want to reply but..............

Posted by SFP , 20 March 2012 · 12 views

I read, and my heart breaks. I am so filled with compassion when I read of the atrocities and the struggles. I personally know of both the atrocities and the struggles. I know what it's like to be a child and suffer at the hands of a male, which brings me to the reason of my title.
I want to reply but I don't. I want to express my heartfelt so...


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I read, and I want to reply but..............

Posted by SFP , 20 March 2012 · 5 views

I read, and my heart breaks. I am so filled with compassion when I read of the atrocities and the struggles. I personally know of both the atrocities and the struggles. I know what it's like to be a child and suffer at the hands of a male, which brings me to the reason of my title.
I want to reply but I don't. I want to express my heartfelt so...


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#2- Trigger? I really don't know, possible I guess.

Posted by SFP , 19 March 2012 · 4 views

Feeling kind of lost right now. Somewhere between the place that I have known and been accustomed to for so long and somewhere else. It's like a void, not really a desolate place, nor empty, just somewhere else.
I can't really say that it's an onset to my depression, although I can't say it isn't. Not feeling to much of anything at...


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The first, and maybe the last........

Posted by SFP , 17 March 2012 · 8 views

I can't tell you how many times I have typed in this blog box and erased it every single time.
I don't know why I do that, I really have no clue. Maybe because I am still hiding in some way, which seems contradicting being here at Pandora's. There's a sort of admiration I have to those who post openly about where they are, and what they...





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