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Just when you think you have to feel ok......

Posted by Newstart87 , 27 January 2014 · 128 views

As I sit here on the couch pulled into myself listening to the music play through my headphones I realize how exhausted I am of pretending everything is ok. I know everyone that is in my life is the ones I choose now, but that doesn't me that the ones that aren't there didn't leave a giant fucking hole.
 
    How is it that I thought I was...


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.......

Posted by Newstart87 , 29 September 2013 · 112 views

I recently stopped working at a medium security prison and it seems I have been getting worse. my abuser texts me out of no where, and it has seemed to turn my whole world upside down. I have tried to do my hobbies that my T suggested, but nothing seems to help I still feel restless inside my head. I cant seem to breathe most of the time, thank god I ha...


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Intimacy

Posted by Newstart87 , 10 April 2013 · 132 views

I have been having a lot of flashbacks and many nightmares that are purely sexual, but I know I need to be intimate with my partner. She never pressures me or anything and she is always there to listen, but I know the hints even if they are small. I told her I was having a hard day yesterday so there was no pressure put on me. I have started to wear my l...


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Bad day....

Posted by Newstart87 , 09 April 2013 · 101 views

It seems I am having quiet the bad day today....I cant seem to shake the emotion of wanting to just sit and cry about what has happened to me in my past. I am a criminal justice major in college and come into contact with a lot of cases that are alot like my own and ride books, watch movies...etc One movie in particular seem to get to me it was filmed in...


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Dreams...

Posted by Newstart87 , 10 January 2013 · 86 views

It seems as if I am having more and more dreams where sex is the main topic and where I must preform sexual "favors" to be able to leave. I hate this dreams plus it is beginning to pull my friends into it. So here I am trying to have a conversation with this person I am having in great detail sexual acts with inside my dreams needless to say it is...


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Not Having that good of a time....

Posted by Newstart87 , 09 March 2012 · 75 views

Not even sure what to say..... its like everything that has happened to me over the past two years has now decided that I should deal with it. Thanks for telling me emotions would of been nice to have had some sort of heads up before this all went down. I am a mess at work I cant even do the easy everyday life things like get out of bed. I thought i had...


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having issues today..

Posted by Newstart87 , 30 January 2012 · 66 views

Today has been a good day so I don't know why I am having the problems I am today. had some nightmares last night and that may have a good deal to do with it, i am having a lot of body issues today where I feel and look fat which doesn't really make sense to me because my nightmares were about what happened to me. I just don't understand bec...


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Hoping to find the answers...

Posted by Newstart87 , 26 January 2012 · 113 views

I am in no way where I thought I would be today, I always see myself doing so much better than I am, hoping to find answers under a rock is what i seem to be looking for. I just don't get it, I don't get whats wrong with me. Why do I do the things I do why cant I just let the past be the past and move on?? What happened to me wasnt right but I...


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From: Relapsed...hate the feeling it gives me.

Posted by Newstart87 , 26 January 2012 · 62 views

I am new to this website and I have been looking for one that I know I can go to and finally get some of the stuff that I carry in my head finally out so that maybe it isn't such a burden anymore.

I have went for a almost a year without hurting myself but today I failed that....I failed in the worst way I cut again. I have fought the urge many tim...





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