Jump to content

Newstart87's Blog


Just when you think you have to feel ok......

Posted by Newstart87 , 27 January 2014 · 128 views

As I sit here on the couch pulled into myself listening to the music play through my headphones I realize how exhausted I am of pretending everything is ok. I know everyone that is in my life is the ones I choose now, but that doesn't me that the ones that aren't there didn't leave a giant fucking hole.
    How is it that I thought I was...



Posted by Newstart87 , 29 September 2013 · 112 views

I recently stopped working at a medium security prison and it seems I have been getting worse. my abuser texts me out of no where, and it has seemed to turn my whole world upside down. I have tried to do my hobbies that my T suggested, but nothing seems to help I still feel restless inside my head. I cant seem to breathe most of the time, thank god I ha...



Posted by Newstart87 , 10 April 2013 · 132 views

I have been having a lot of flashbacks and many nightmares that are purely sexual, but I know I need to be intimate with my partner. She never pressures me or anything and she is always there to listen, but I know the hints even if they are small. I told her I was having a hard day yesterday so there was no pressure put on me. I have started to wear my l...


Bad day....

Posted by Newstart87 , 09 April 2013 · 101 views

It seems I am having quiet the bad day today....I cant seem to shake the emotion of wanting to just sit and cry about what has happened to me in my past. I am a criminal justice major in college and come into contact with a lot of cases that are alot like my own and ride books, watch movies...etc One movie in particular seem to get to me it was filmed in...



Posted by Newstart87 , 10 January 2013 · 86 views

It seems as if I am having more and more dreams where sex is the main topic and where I must preform sexual "favors" to be able to leave. I hate this dreams plus it is beginning to pull my friends into it. So here I am trying to have a conversation with this person I am having in great detail sexual acts with inside my dreams needless to say it is...


Not Having that good of a time....

Posted by Newstart87 , 09 March 2012 · 75 views

Not even sure what to say..... its like everything that has happened to me over the past two years has now decided that I should deal with it. Thanks for telling me emotions would of been nice to have had some sort of heads up before this all went down. I am a mess at work I cant even do the easy everyday life things like get out of bed. I thought i had...


having issues today..

Posted by Newstart87 , 30 January 2012 · 66 views

Today has been a good day so I don't know why I am having the problems I am today. had some nightmares last night and that may have a good deal to do with it, i am having a lot of body issues today where I feel and look fat which doesn't really make sense to me because my nightmares were about what happened to me. I just don't understand bec...


Hoping to find the answers...

Posted by Newstart87 , 26 January 2012 · 113 views

I am in no way where I thought I would be today, I always see myself doing so much better than I am, hoping to find answers under a rock is what i seem to be looking for. I just don't get it, I don't get whats wrong with me. Why do I do the things I do why cant I just let the past be the past and move on?? What happened to me wasnt right but I...


From: Relapsed...hate the feeling it gives me.

Posted by Newstart87 , 26 January 2012 · 62 views

I am new to this website and I have been looking for one that I know I can go to and finally get some of the stuff that I carry in my head finally out so that maybe it isn't such a burden anymore.

I have went for a almost a year without hurting myself but today I failed that....I failed in the worst way I cut again. I have fought the urge many tim...

July 2016

24 25 2627282930

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.