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danusia007 and usspandora like this
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim
i will be running into her off and on for the next 4 days


um mom have you ever heard of the circle of justice ?


yeah its like bro's comic book

sigh

Source: Do you ever expect to "run into" R/SA-ist

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Posted by danusia007   in career and COLLEGE, career and UNIVERSITY, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT
:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger: :trigger:








Ok I am back. Who knows for how long. I am get ting virtual memory errors now on laptop


I have 5 female perps

plus the stalkers

Mom (p) was the initial perp.


Initially memories of her were blurred in...
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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY STORY
so last year I could not post for this anniversary

this year mom is feeling a lot of distress due to the behaviour of his family

and so am I.

I had hoped the nightmares would stop.

they have not

my brother "talks" to both my dad and our brother.

It is his way of way of coping with their deaths.

My nephew has stopped talking about...
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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE
thank you

Source: Please share my grief my healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE my books, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Movies, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Music, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, My HEALING CIRCLE Virtual Parties, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS
many many thanks


http://www.pandys.or...fault/smile.gif http://www.pandys.or...ault/angel2.gif http://www.pandys.or...default/yay.gif http://www.pandys.or...nda.icon.gif...
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Posted by danusia007   in My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim
i am doing collages again as well

Tags: older brother both victim and perp

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Posted by danusia007   in support, REFLECTIONS, please forgive me, MY STORY, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, My Family SISTER, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family NEPHEW, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family I salute my brother, CLINICAL SERVICES support, CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., career and COLLEGE
extreme trigger warnings

this has been edited


i was hoping to post this earlier

circumstances prevented me from doing so

Dec 6th is for naming and remembering

I have chosen Dec 6th

to be my memorial day

for my sister.


I have also chosen

this location

to be her gravesite


My sister was born in my parents house


I have been told

that...
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Tags: extreme trigger warnings

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A thumb nail sketch

30 September 2009
Posted by danusia007   in MY HEALING CIRCLE My Music, MY HEALING CIRCLE My Movies, MY HEALING CIRCLE my books, My Family SISTER, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family NEPHEW, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family I salute my brother, career and UNIVERSITY, career and COLLEGE, ACTIVIST, PROFILE
I am a survivor


I am an university graduate


I continue to attend college and university

through a self directed study program

Most of my family is dead

My beloved baby brother died in 2010

My Mom is alive



I have a nephew

he was my sister's son


I really enjoy music

I really enjoy books

I really enjoy movies

I write poetry

I...
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Tags: PROFILE

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My long term boyfriend

07 July 2009
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, career MY CAREER, career and UNIVERSITY, career and COLLEGE, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER
back injury

on campus movies

group dating pizza and movies

his crush on my roommate

concerts

friends with baby brother

birthday gift

christmas formal dinner

big brother's suicide

summer of the letters

playing marbles or something

parents meet and approve

his career

gifts


movies

pizza

might move

uncle's death

his...
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Tags: assaults at university

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY STORY
trigger warnings


this may be very disjointed

i will try to write about the child prositution here


between now and the new year


how it involved uncles and grandfathers



how it involved men from dad's workplace company

how it involved a bowling league



how these men


turned christmas into a nightmare

and not a time of tidings and...
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Tags: child prositution trigger warnings !

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Posted by danusia007   in cancer and ptsd, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, support
especially about how others judge the grief stricken.

As well, that a lot of my behaviours are normal for grief

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family I salute my brother, My Family SISTER
TRIGGER WARNINGS !!!

She was born at home

an aunt came over to help

the taxi was sent away

she was born before the ambulance arrived


i found out this year that my baby brother at age 2 remembers her birth


i was handed her to hold

so my aunt could help my mom


she was different than my baby dolls

she was different than my...
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Tags: Sister She tried to charge her perps

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY STORY
So after staying in my parents house



i should not be surprised that I had a nightmare about

Dad raping me


strange though that he can rape me



years after being dead


* shudder *

Tags: My Story

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY RAPIST, MY STORY
last weekend I flooded with memories

about both

my older brother


and my rapist,


this is the time of year for memories


and trying to belong

even if just on the fringes

of one of my "communities "


2 of my workers are still behaving abusive

and denying their conduct

I am refusing to behave

in their game playing and...
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Tags: My Rapist what was that look about ?

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Top 10 comments plus

17 June 2008
Posted by danusia007   in CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY RAPIST, MY STALKER AND ASSAILANT, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
if you don't want to drive the car, dont reve the engine

- a message to my rapist from my t,

it did not deal with the pressuring by her around sex


you deserve (fill in the blank) various comments by a CSA/partner abuse counseller


you are a good person - repeatedly said by a counsellor who protects both my stalker and rapist


its not...
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Tags: My Rapist what was that look about ?

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Posted by danusia007   in career MY CAREER, CLINICAL SERVICES health serv..., CLINICAL SERVICES housing, CLINICAL SERVICES support, My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY STORY, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS, support
If coping is not the healing

then I am still coping

with a lot of after affects

a permanent disability

where the professional agenda is about my coping

the courage to heal however includes coping as part of taking stock

the flooding of memories seems to be impairs my cognitive skills

and my ability to function

the professional denial seems...
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Tags: tributes reflections

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death of a friend

10 September 2007
Posted by danusia007   in career and UNIVERSITY, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY RAPIST, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
from uni

told by my rapist

she had been dead

several months

her death was posted

in a newsletter

I wanted to contact her sister

she had been a support

around my brother's suicide

I ended up telling friends from uni

about her death

4 years later when my sister died

Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY HEALING CIRCLE sometimes a friend, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS, support
or is it a circle of people who you love ?

The Family circle .....

Grandparents dead starting at age 3

Aunts and Uncles starting at age 4 (actually before I was born)

Cousins dying even before I am born

Siblings dying by age 21

Friends dying Grade School ? High School University College


Perps dying by age 13

The circle of Life

The...
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Tags: Family drama and dynamics

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For my Grandmother

30 August 2007
Posted by danusia007   in My Family I salute my brother, My Family MOM the delimna perp and survivor, My Family NEPHEW, My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, My Family SISTER, PROFILE, REFLECTIONS
:candle:

August 31, 2007 12:15 AM

to be continued later today

She was only 46 when I was born

Her birthday was 4 days later, her 47th

We would celebrate our birthdays together

She had 2 sons and 4 daughters

She had an abusive husband

She loved to sing

Rocks of Ages was one of her favorites

She loved Lilies of the Valley

She had 4...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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Posted by danusia007   in My Family OLDER BROTHER Perp and Victim, MY HEALING CIRCLE, MY STORY, REFLECTIONS
age 13 Grandfather died after I wrote about being multiple, after my drawings and poetry about being raped


referred to first counsellor for about a year

did some artwork about grandfather

age 20 death of a perp uncle already in...
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Tags: Please share my grief a healing circle

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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