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Nixie's Blog


psychotherapy assessment

Posted by Nixie , 24 May 2012 · 87 views

ok so yesterday i had an appointment for them to decide if i would benefit from psychotherapy, it is very hard to get psychotherapy where i live so even to get an assessment is a big deal.

i didnt really know what to expect i kinda thought it would be quite structured and they would ask brief questions to find out a bit about me without going into too mu...


falling apart

Posted by Nixie , 13 May 2012 · 69 views

with each day, i feel like my world is falling further and further apart.

over the last few months i have battled with severe depression and while i was ill my housemates were great! they were there for me and i felt like i had finally found some friends who appreciated me for being me.

but now that i am better they dont want anything to do with me...


goodbye dad

Posted by Nixie , 06 May 2012 · 88 views

today was the 3rd annniversary of my dads death. ive been so confused over my feelings towards him and wanted to do something to symbolise saying goodbye.

i had been racking my brains as every where that i could think of which i assosiated with him had horrible memories as well as good ones so i didnt want to go there.

finally i remembered one summer w...



Posted by Nixie , 04 May 2012 · 91 views

my housemate has just told me she doesnt want to live with me anymore, she said that with my recent depressive episode that left me in hospital for months i have been leaning on her too much.
i feel like such a burden on her i always have and now this just confirms that

i think she hates me, and i deserve it, and now im going to be homeless again


may 6th

Posted by Nixie , 04 May 2012 · 77 views

well this weekend has been creeping up on my for a while and my flashbacks and nightmares have been getting worse. Sunday will be the 3rd anniversary of my dad's suicide and i dont know how to feel. i really miss him and i want him back.
i dont really understand this though, my family like to pretend he never existed so i cant even talk to them about...


i wanna go back to work

Posted by Nixie , 17 April 2012 · 38 views

ok so thought it was about time i wrote in my blog again, im getting seriously stressed out about my financial situation.

yesterday i had an assessment to determin whether or not i am fit to return to work or not yet. the doctor was absolutly lovely but she came to the decision that she wants to get a report from my psychiatrist first (who hasnt seen me...


im such a coward

Posted by Nixie , 11 March 2012 · 44 views

i still havent had the guts to go and speak to my mum. ive been avoiding her and havent heard anything from her in over a week when i found out she had opened a letter from my work.
the letter was about my sick pay being reduced to 1/2 because i have been off for so long. she didnt tell me that she had opened the letter till 3 weeks later, and in that ti...


so confused and scared

Posted by Nixie , 07 March 2012 · 50 views

i have so much going round my head i have no idea what is going on anymore, i have now found myself in a position where i have to tell my mother that i have been in hospital with depression
i am so scared about how she is going to react but i have no choice, i know shes gonna get angry because thats the kind of person she is, i really dont want her to kn...


fed up of the damn NHS and there stupid systems

Posted by Nixie , 25 February 2012 · 88 views

ok so this last week i have been shoved from pillar to post, majority of the time ive not known whats happening and staff have repeatedly lied to me.
ive been in hospital since about 8th january and finally starting to go on overnight leave. thats fine, im happy to be going home more often but my argument is that for the first few times i would like to d...



Posted by Nixie , 20 January 2012 · 40 views

ok my doctor saw me today, (first time since last friday) and he feels like i am making progress. he said that i can have some home leave during the day at the weekend and then maybe some overnight leave during the week providing everything is going ok. if all goes to plan then i think i will be discharged next week, which im really unsure about. i dont...

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