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CoachRachelG's Blog



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Feelings Are Just Feelings!

Posted by CoachRachelG , 13 January 2014 · 105 views

One of the things I’ve noticed when working with my clients is that there is a strong desire to understand how to reach a place of what many call “emotional balance.” What I think many people really want is way to experience and express feelings without becoming overwhelmed or stuck.
 
Yet, in many ways, I think our relationsh...


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Who You Is & Who You Ain't

Posted by CoachRachelG , 14 December 2013 · 174 views

Who You Is & Who You Ain't “Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity.”

—W.H. Auden
 
 
 
During m...


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Shame vs. Guilt

Posted by CoachRachelG , 14 November 2013 · 170 views

Recently, I wrote about how we each take on ways of being , which become a way of engaging, showing up, or behaving in the world and relationships. Two very specific ways of being I’d like to talk about today are “the guilty one” and “the shameful one”.

SHAME

“Shame is the feeling of humiliating disgrace of h...


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What Are the Payoffs & Costs?

Posted by CoachRachelG , 22 May 2013 · 167 views

I recently wrote about the many false beliefs that arise as a result of abuse and how these shape our expectations, which then compel us to prove particular things about ourselves, others, and relationships. Now, we want to take a look at how we are expressing ourselves based on our limiting beliefs.

There are three distinct ways of being that result fro...


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What Do You Want to Prove?

Posted by CoachRachelG , 10 April 2013 · 114 views

“One fact of nature is that people have a ‘negativity bias’: we react to the bad more strongly and persistently than to the comparable good ... One consequence of the negativity bias is that when people’s minds are unoccupied, they tend to drift to anxious or angry thoughts. And rumination—dwelling on slights, unpleasant encounters, and sad events—leads t...


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There Must Be Something Wrong With Me

Posted by CoachRachelG , 14 January 2013 · 118 views

Last time, I wrote about the false belief "It's My Fault" that results from trauma, bad experiences or abuse. Today, we take on another major false belief, "There Must Be Something Wrong With Me."

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This particular false belief strikes at the heart of one of the hardest questions we grapple with: Why me? We want so much to understan...


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Letting Go of Self-Blame -- It's Not Our Fault

Posted by CoachRachelG , 13 December 2012 · 169 views

Of all of the false beliefs we might develop as a result of abuse, "It's my fault" seems to take root early on and cause the most damage. We blame ourselves in order to achieve a couple of things. First, if we blame the abuser, then we have to acknowledge that someone we love, someone who is close to us, is capable of doing things that are ver...


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Getting the Results You Want

Posted by CoachRachelG , 23 August 2012 · 158 views

I couldn’t agree more, which is why one of the main things we can do is create “measurable results,” even when it comes to abstract ideas like worthiness, confidence, sleeplessness, depression, or communication. I love seeing things become focused and manageable as we get clear about the small strides we can take toward a larger goal.

So, what exactly is...


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Undoing the Lessons of Abuse

Posted by CoachRachelG , 07 August 2012 · 82 views

There is a time in all of our lives when we have no concept of what deep pain is. Tragedy is oversleeping on Saturday morning and missing our favorite cartoon. We do not understand the frowns we see on all of the big people’s faces. We wonder what could be so bad that they yell, cry, and fight. Life feels light, carefree, innocent, or easy.

There is also...


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Making Clear Requests

Posted by CoachRachelG , 31 July 2012 · 88 views

The more I work with clients who want to move beyond the abuse, the more I am aware of one of the greatest hopes we have: that our hurts will not have been in vain, that there is some way to make it matter.

I know we often look to volunteering with organizations, offering our time and energy to support a particular cause, or serving in some other way th...






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