Pandora's Aquarium: the two thousand year stare - Pandora's Aquarium

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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!

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Guest Message © 2013 DevFuse

 
Posted by indigo_rainbow  
I have been trying to be well, but something opened the "shoeboxes" in the closet of my mind.

:trigger:/>

I keep experiencing the smell and taste of blood. I don't know where it is coming from. Maybe it is all in my head. I am hurting in the places I was hurt long ago. The slightest thing, the littlest reminder brings...
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Tags: PTSD, DID, abuse, rape, mourning, grief, God, innocence, miscarriage

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grief

01 April 2013
Posted by indigo_rainbow  
Mother's Day is going to be a massive struggle.

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grief today

29 March 2013
Posted by indigo_rainbow  
I'm in the pit of despair but I can see God from down here. I can see the stars. I want to climb out today. I want to climb out forever, yet I know I will continually fall into the pit and have to keep climbing out again.

Body memories today. Flashbacks. I'm weeping inside but I am keeping it together on the outside.

I want to forgive...
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Posted by indigo_rainbow  
He raped me. He emotionally abused me. He hit me. I'm finally free physically from him but I'm not free of the memories. D:

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Posted by indigo_rainbow  
I am scared of her because she has the power to commit me to an institution against my will.

I am afraid to say the wrong thing to her. If I tell her that an alter has wanted to cut, she will put me away. I hate not being honest, though.

But I hate the hospital. I just cry when I am there. :/

My appointment is this Friday. Hopefully she will...
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Tags: DID, MPD, PTSD, alter, hospital

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flashbacks

07 February 2012
Posted by indigo_rainbow  
Every little sick sensation is welling up in me today. I keep getting smells in my nose, smells of The Evilest One and others. Mini-flashbacks racing through my head. :/

My DID parts are silent today, though. I guess that's good?

Tags: PTSD, DID

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Posted by indigo_rainbow  
My ED and urges to SI are taking me over today. An alter really wants to hurt our body but I can't let her. I don't even want to sleep because I'm afraid I'll be different or switch when I wake up and she'll hurt us. I'm struggling but I don't have therapy again until Monday. I'm trying to go through the list of...
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Tags: PTSD, dissociation, mental illness, emotions, DID, MPD

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Posted by indigo_rainbow  
These are my psychiatric diagnoses. It looks like a train wreck when I type it out.

Tags: MPD, DID, BPD, borderline, multiple personalities, PTSD, depression, mood disorder, bulimia, ED

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another "episode"

11 September 2011
Posted by indigo_rainbow  
I'm in the midst of a another dissociative episode. I am passing as fine on the outside but inside I am scared and confused. I couldn't talk about it to my partner today. I know that he wants more sex with me but I just can't do it. D: How do I tell him for the millionth time that I am a scared little girl inside who needs his support?...
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Tags: dissociation, PTSD, mental illness, disability, psychology, emotions

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had a night terror

05 September 2011
Posted by indigo_rainbow  
Now I am afraid to go to sleep again. It was like being r*ped and I was frozen in my bed. I feel this horrible blackness inside me and I want to hide forever. I have been avoiding people and I feel dissociated and scared all the time. Nothing feels real. D:

Tags: PTSD, dissociation, emotions

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