Pandora's Aquarium: Seanna's Life - Pandora's Aquarium

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Seanna likes this

I hate spring

17 February 2013
Posted by Seanna   in TRIGGERING, FLASH-BACKS, MEMORY, SELF LOATHE
spring is that season of dread. I can smell the old dead leaves left from the fall. The crispness of the cold air mixing with the mud. The temperature is too cold to go without a coat, but maybe to run into a store it'll be ok without one.


The color of the sky. that white/gray color at all times. even on sunny days. it reminds me of...
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Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS
Ok, so I admit, Christmas is hard for me. I miss my mom. I am a procrastinator with 3 babies to play santa for. My stress level is extremely high.

This morning, I went out to start the car for my husband because he was running late for work. As soon as the cold frost air hit me, i began to feel nauseated. I started his car and tried to breathe...
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Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS, MEMORY, POETRY, STORY, TRIGGERING
THE BOAT

[i][font="Palatino Linotype"]Wrists bound together, Up over my head
Tied to the Table as a makeshift bed.
A Knock at the door, Some whispering I hear
An Officer Enters, Show of relief through a tear.

I plead for his help, To untie me to be free,
He removes his hat & credentials and places them on top of the TV.
My...
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Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS, MEMORY, POETRY, STORY, TRIGGERING
THE TABLE

[font="Palatino Linotype"][i]The blindfold removed, I could now see
You bound my wrists together, I'd struggle, but would never be free.

The belt used was brown, with a light leather braid
The coffetable I was tied to Completely vulnerable and afraid.

Arms tied above my head, Tears sstreaming down my...
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Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS, MEMORY, POETRY, TRIGGERING
I don't remember, the last time.
nor the second, third or fourth.
I only remember the first time
Attempts to take me from this earth.

You held my face over fire
You choked me with your hands
You drowned me in the bath-tub
Because I wouldn't give in to your demands.

Those memories are jumbled
I hardly remember at all
Like that one time...
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POETRY: Isolation

08 May 2011
Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS, MEMORY, STORY, TRIGGERING
Part of my story (I do best with poetry)

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger:

Alone in a room, I exhaustedly sigh
Emotions are numb, does no good to cry.
Staring in shock of the eyvents of the day
To make it out alive is all I can pray.

afraid to close my eyes to sleep
The wounds I survived are starting to sewep
Nowhere to run, nowhere to...
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Posted by Seanna   in TRIGGERING, POETRY, MEMORY, FLASH-BACKS, Uncategorized
He's no longer with me, in a physical way.
The memories will stay with me until the end of my days.

Sound of a door locking
means his footsteps are near
heart flutters in panic
paralyzed with fear.

Pour him a drink, as the nightmare begins
Pleading quietly begging forgiveness of sins.
Silently whispering an dpleading to stop
Nobody...
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POETRY: Last Breath

07 May 2011
Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS, POETRY, MEMORY, STORY, TRIGGERING
LAST BREATH

"On Your Knees" they loudly direct
my tears and expression; easy to detect.
body shoved hard to the floor I kneel
Unable to stomach taht this is for real.

Head pushed under water, so cold I scream,
They're going to kill me; as that's what it seems.
Pulled back from the water and told to obey
Other words are...
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I'm fine; I always am

07 May 2011
Posted by Seanna   in TRIGGERING, STORY, MEMORY, FLASH-BACKS
"I'm Fine, I always am" is what I used to have to say outloud to him if I was crying from something he did to me. I still find myself saying it sometimes if someone asks me how I am. it makes me instantly sick...but It was so engraved into my head to say it on auto-pilot I say it still to this day.

"I'm Fine. I always...
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Posted by Seanna   in STORY, FLASH-BACKS, TRIGGERING
We were young high school sweethearts. He was accepted into MIT. He is literally a genious. We were fairly active sexual young couple until one night he decided he wanted to be intimate and I just didn't feel like it. He grabbed my hair and pulled me into the bedroom. pinned me down and tried to rip my clothes off. They weren't ripping,...
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Why?

29 March 2011
Posted by Seanna   in FLASH-BACKS, TRIGGERING
The never answered question I have. It will never go away. Even if i come up wtih some lame reason that puts a rational reason behind it...it's not enough and I want and I need to know why.

[color="#800080"][font="Georgia"][i]Why was I the one that gave my heart out so young?
Why was I the one he decided to show off his...
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Posted by Seanna   in TRIGGERING, FLASH-BACKS
Triggering Entry.






Please don't read this if you will be triggered. it's not complete sentences, its only how I remember my assault. Everything is out of order and probably only makes sense to me...but some parts are specific enough to paint the picture. Please use caution.





Standing at the...
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