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litakino's Blog


Car Done...and a New Start?

Posted by litakino , 10 November 2010 · 104 views

Car's done. Fairly expensive. But getting some help with that so that's good.

But, I am excited/scared about something else. I went out for coffee tonight. With a guy. He seems very nice and he is very much a gentleman, which is nice. I didn't feel any "warning bells" going off, I wasn't triggered, it was a pretty nice date. But...


Hanging in there

Posted by litakino , 07 November 2010 · 119 views

Still feeling very alone. I have lost a friend, and that sucks. I really needed a friend tonight that could have helped out...the one person who would have helped me tonight has abandoned me.

My car just died on the road. Driving along, everything's fine...then...BAM!...just turns off. Started to cry. Almost called or texted my ex bf...but thou...


Seems to take longer

Posted by litakino , 02 November 2010 · 89 views

Feeling better but the hurt and sadness just kind of comes and goes. It seems that it takes longer for me to recover than it should. Of course, that is just me being hard on myself again, I suppose. I do have to allow myself a good while to recover from my bad times. And I am just coming out of a pretty bad one. Trying to take it easy on myself. Of course...


Getting ready for the week ahead

Posted by litakino , 31 October 2010 · 106 views

I think I am finally letting go of some of the hurt that has been really bothering me lately. If I really did learn anything and gain anything from the relationship that just ended, I feel I need to honor the good that has come out of that relationship and not let myself slide back into old, bad habits.

The main problem is that I am really afraid and no...


Trying to keep the blog going

Posted by litakino , 29 October 2010 · 106 views

I am starting to feel much better. I found out today that I can convert my special rent-assisted duplex into a regular rental and stay here for another year. That way I don't have to move. That is one relief. My friend who I found out has cancer is doing very well, it is actually luekemia but she says it is I think the chronic kind and as long as she...


I got through the deadline

Posted by litakino , 25 October 2010 · 89 views

I made Sunday my deadline for hoping that my ex-bf would contact me. He didn't. I hardly thought about it at all today. I am actually feeling much better. Still VERY hurt and CONFUSED but moving on...I think it was good that I broke the whole process down into steps and took it a bit at a time. I cried a lot and it seemed to drag on. I think I can sta...


The Letter

Posted by litakino , 24 October 2010 · 83 views

Ok, here it is.

Dear C---,

I don't know if you will ever read this. I hope you do someday. But this is more for me than for you.

First of all, I am sorry I got mad at you about the FB thing and how I misunderstood when you turned your phone off or silent or whatever and didn't answer my calls. Maybe that played into your decision not to commun...


I wrote the letter

Posted by litakino , 24 October 2010 · 52 views

I have been struggling with my "recovery" so much lately. "Recovery." Do we ever really recover? Well, I guess we are never the same person would would have been without the abuse I suppose. But, something good rises from the ashes anyway.

I decided that my "obsession" (I don't know what else to call it) with the fact that my...


Another one for today

Posted by litakino , 23 October 2010 · 57 views

I had so much to think about I decided to blog again so I wouldn't miss it. I had forgotten to mention that I talked to my boss a little more about the abuse, she knew when she hired me, she said she was in a relationship where the guy "hit her" and she got out of it, she was kind of vague and really brushed it aside. I don't think she...


Trying to pick up the pieces

Posted by litakino , 23 October 2010 · 77 views

Sigh. I am trying not to look back, but it is hard. Looking ahead is very scary. I was having trouble right before my boyfriend broke up with me with some strange stuff...feeling like my abuser was messing with the back of my neck like he used to do, I call it the "creepy neck" feeling. So when he broke up with me I lost the one person I felt comf...

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