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As it Stands today


Good, Bad and Ugly.

Posted by bj_bear , 11 February 2014 · 59 views

For awhile I was doing good. Which made me wonder when the bad would come. Of course now it is coming in waves. Mainly doubt and fear and the desire to just float off the planet. I wonder sometimes how I've managed to be me all of these years. I suck. I don't connect properly, I need to be in control, I am afraid of EVERYTHING, and I just cannot tru...



Posted by bj_bear , 10 December 2013 · 214 views

Group therapy has been a failure for me. I cannot open up to five strangers all of whom have different versions of abuse. Again I was odd woman out. No one else in this group experienced CSA or anything like it. My therapist doesn't see why I desperately want a group of other CSA survivors. Makes me feel like the year I spent in sessions with her was...


Still awake

Posted by bj_bear , 04 December 2013 · 136 views

I'm still awake. Its late I feel sick and angry. Sometimes I really appreciate my T and sometimes I could happily slap her. My last session will be my last for the year. I can't see her for awhile. I don't care if thats avoidance or defensiveness or whatever buzz word sounds good. For over a year I have been going every week and now I've explored gro...


More to me

Posted by bj_bear , 07 September 2013 · 111 views

I am not just what happened to me so long ago. I am back in a down spiral with my depression and sometimes I just have nowhere to go or to express it. Every place has a requirement...Pandy's is about my abuse, My depression forum is about that disease, Experience is a site about the now...and my caregiving meetings focus on dealing with my mother. B...


So far...so good

Posted by bj_bear , 16 August 2013 · 82 views

I'm having a good morning so far - haven't left for work yet! LOL.

But, I couldn't pass up the chance to post a positive note here for once. I don't have great mornings all that much, I'm usually grumpy, tired and stressed. But, today I woke up extra early for no reason and got in a session of exercise, had breakfast and was a...

December 2014

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