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4 years ago today, may God bless your soul

Posted by tamz , 11 February 2013 · 46 views

If youíd told me a year ago that Iíd take comfort from sitting for an hour in a darkened, empty Chaplaincy, thinking, praying and of course, reading the bible, Iíd have probably given you a strange look, told you that you clearly know nothing about me and walked off. Yet, thatís exactly what I did this evening. Itís strange isnít it, how things change s...


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Thank you everyone

Posted by tamz , 17 January 2013 · 41 views

Thank you so much everyone for your continued support over the past few days. I couldn't have done it without you and thankfully, the self harm urges have calmed down a lot today.

It's weird isn't it, what we think is okay to be over and what's not, and how it's so much easier to see when other people are suffering and why they'r...


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memories are so real!

Posted by tamz , 16 January 2013 · 73 views

I'm sorry to blog so much, I'm trying desperately to cling on, to not self harm. I'm hoping by letting things out in a safe environment that I'll be able to fight this.

Why are bad memories so strong? This whole incident (something happened today) has triggered me really badly, the memories, they feel almost real, almost like I'm th...


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This is why I don't talk! Trigger Warning

Posted by tamz , 16 January 2013 · 58 views

Mention of the abuse and negative things people have said in response, please take very good care if reading this. I can't handle it so I don't expect you to either.


So something really triggering happened today and I ended up thinking about everything, about people's responses to everything. Not just the abuse, but other things too. And...


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I'm just so tired and struggling to hold on!

Posted by tamz , 16 January 2013 · 55 views

I'm so tired. It's been an incredibly difficult day. It's weird isn't it, what we think is okay to be over and what isn't. This evening though, I'm almost permanently triggered. Part of me thinks what's the point, it's not like anyone sees the self harm anyway. Does it really matter if they don't even know? Except...


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start the year as you mean to go on - randomly burst into tears :(

Posted by tamz , 01 January 2013 · 29 views

Don't they say start the year as you mean to go on? I quite literally just burst into tears for no reason! I was just sat down, straightening my hair and out of nowhere, I'm balling my eyes out :( How can I begin to work on my problems when I'm sat there crying my eyes out for no reason? I'm literally flitting back and forth today b...


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Happy New Year!

Posted by tamz , 31 December 2012 · 26 views

Happy New Year to all you lovely ladies and gents of Pandys :)

May 2013 bring us further on in our healing and our suffering to an end

Wishing you all peace, goodwill and happiness

:hug: :metoyou:

Tamz x


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was I really again?!

Posted by tamz , 26 November 2012 · 24 views

I just can't do this any more! I told a friend what happened with my ex a few months back and he said it was the r word! I can't deal with this, I just can't. Why does this keep happening?! It's like the third person now, why?!?!?!?!!?
Angry, upset, confused, just can't deal. Really really really trig...


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If today was your last day

Posted by tamz , 24 November 2012 · 21 views

The song by Nickelback. I'm listening to it and it's making me think. If today WAS my last day, the one thing I'd be most worried about is dying with cuts. Apart from the actual dying bit obviously and it just being the end, I'd be worried about my parents finding out that I still self harm, I'd be absolutely horrified if they found...


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just not dealing atm

Posted by tamz , 23 November 2012 · 20 views

I swear I've been here before. Same feelings, same actions - the ones I thought I'd gotten over / dealt with countless times but no matter what I do, I always seem to end up back in this place - feeling rubbish, scared, not coping, self harming, feeling bad about self harming and goodness knows what other feelings.

It's a silly reason to be...






content warning

I will try to keep any reference to specific SI behaviour to a minimum however reference to the assault will not always be censored. I don't want to trigger anyone so just want you to be warned. Most of the time it will be okay but just so you are aware. Take gentle care.

July 2014

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