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bellachai's Blog


Shape changer Life changers

Posted by bellachai , 04 October 2015 · 31 views

My health started it's declination 6 months after the man I was involved with for 7 years walked away from me and us.  A coincidence?  He also is a survivor.   I believe my grief was a contributing factor or a trigger in at least speeding up ailments that were meant for my senior years. Maybe.  A thought that crosse...


Survivorhood Consequences

Posted by bellachai , 18 September 2015 · 65 views

My CSA survivorhood facts the short version.  No worries no details.
My evil stepfather abused me in all ways from the age of 4 1/2 until 10 years old.
An older female cousin molested me when I was 12.
I was date raped at age 16.


Back Where I Belong

Posted by bellachai , 16 September 2015 · 52 views

I took a long break from Pandy's.  Not that I ran out of things to say. Not that I wanted to rid myself of my thoughts to help myself with the help of all the wonderful people here.  Not that I did not want to support and listen to those here needing to be heard and in a need of some empathetic understanding and support.  It was just s...


Rudeness + Insulting = Annoyed x 2

Posted by bellachai , 30 July 2014 · 179 views

I met my mother at Walmart this morning to have new batteries put in her car and my dad's truck which is what I drive.  Afterwards she took me out to lunch.  Good food and we mostly talked about current events, not difficult since so much is going on all over the world.  Too much sad things.
When we were leaving this woman eating by...


assests are liabilities

Posted by bellachai , 29 July 2014 · 141 views

PS from yesterday.
I am literally spinning cuz I have an inner ear infection caused by allergies which is also due to my daughter saying she could not afford antihistamines which I have been out of for over a week and when the spinning started (more about that later) and my money is gone until I get paid this Friday.  Anyway sitting, standing,...



Posted by bellachai , 28 July 2014 · 143 views

figuratively and literally.
I have been voiceless for awhile now because I am afraid of spinning out of control. Been isolating pushing life out of my view. The last two weeks the views have been not so good. But that is what happens to me.  Although I know control is an illusion yet this knowledge does not stop me fro...


Days like this....

Posted by bellachai , 22 June 2014 · 145 views

I have to wonder why I am still here alive.  What purpose do I have now?
Fibromyalgia is a weird disorder. Pain levels the last two days have gone past 10.  The pain moves around and usually I am able to manage my pain with meds help.  Last year at this time it was my knees.  Now it is my hips.
I wonder why me?  What...



Posted by bellachai , 17 June 2014 · 132 views

Not so funny that my last post "Quiet defiance"  triggered and freaked me out.  It sent me inside of myself and I was not expecting that.  I am thinking that due to some of that post I have not told anyone not even my T before is the reason for my reaction.
I tried to be here the last few days but I felt strangely insecure (which als...


Quiet Defiance

Posted by bellachai , 15 June 2014 · 126 views

http://www.pandys.or...ult/trigger.gif http://www.pandys.or...ult/trigger.gif http://www.pandys.or...ult/trigger.gif
Careful reading some detail of CSA
I have watched shows, rea...


Knowledge and Understanding

Posted by bellachai , 13 June 2014 · 96 views

Knowledge = power   Understanding = empowerment  Right?
Abuse affects one's life for the rest of their life.  The damage is done.  The sooner help is given and accepted by the abused the healing helps a less painful life.  Right?  I received the right help decades after all the abuses occurred.  Say...

October 2015

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