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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!

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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

so hard...

19 May 2013
Posted by missophelia  
Everything has become so hard for me lately. Even writing this here, now, is just so hard. I honestly don't know how much I can manage to put down into words.

I have been so overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed. I am just full of anxiety, and anger. I'm always depressed. Some moments are worse than others.

I got triggered the other...
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Posted by missophelia  
“At heart, I have always been a coper, I’ve mostly been able to walk around with my wounds safely hidden, and I’ve always stored up my deep depressive episodes for the weeks off when there was time to have an abbreviated version of a complete breakdown. But in the end, I’d be able to get up and on with it, could always do what little must be done...
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out...

15 May 2013
Posted by missophelia  
sometimes I want out so badly…

like right now



I posted that on my tumblr blog. Short and sweet and to the point. I didn't add the following.



I feel so overwhelmed right now.

I want everyone to go away and leave me alone.

I want to just take my keys, get in my car, and drive away.

I want to SI.

I want to just go to bed and stay...
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survival mode....

14 May 2013
Posted by missophelia  
I feel like I’ve reached the basest of survival mode.

Therapy

Distraction

Self Injury

And I keep asking myself, how can I build myself back up again, now, when I have been cut down to the core. How can I build myself back up again when I struggle to just make it through each day, each hour, each minute.

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Posted by missophelia  
picture enclosed :rolleyes:/>/>

My therapist, Dr K, and I, are trying to work together to help me find more positive ways to cope with the overwhelming feelings I am going through right now. I haven't been as overwhelmed the past couple of days, but the urges to SI are still there, strong, for the most part constant.

I discussed The Butterfly...
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I paint...

08 May 2013
Posted by missophelia  
I paint.

I paint on the blank canvas. Not with a brush. Not with a palette knife. Not with the beauty of the world around me.

I paint with all the anger, the pain, the rage, anxiety, and depression, that is locked deep inside of me. As it breaks free from the emotional bondage that has kept it down, kept it buried, for so long.

As it rises...
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overwhelmed....

05 May 2013
Posted by missophelia  
So, I've been quiet, not sharing too much about what has been going on with me. I'm battling the need to push people away, to try and keep them at a distance. I want to isolate so badly. This last week, however, I think I've done more talking about what's going on with me than I have in a long time.

This past week has been...
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sometimes...

02 May 2013
Posted by missophelia  
I am exhausted right now. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Sometimes, I just want to get off this ride....

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I have....

01 May 2013
Posted by missophelia  
I have so much self doubt right now.

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why...

30 April 2013
Posted by missophelia  
Why is it that I can tell someone I love very much that she is beautiful, smart, strong, worthy, and that she deserves the best.

And that I can't tell myself that with any kind of belief and conviction in my heart that I too am those things, and that I too deserve the best.

Why can't I say those things to myself, and really feel those...
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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.