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In my head


I hate psychiatry

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 24 January 2012 · 120 views

So. In the past 2 weeks i've seen the psychiatrist again, who refuses to give me meds, but instead refers me to a therapist and a DBT group. Not really liking this idea right now, but hey if thats how I have to get the meds I'll go along with it, right? wrong.... This psych doc is bullshitting me. She tells me if I go to therapy and start the DBT...


Starting Therapy, Again :(

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 16 January 2012 · 43 views

So. What can I say. My therapist of 3.5 years moved her practice to a different state in decemeber. The same week as one of my most difficult anniversaries, while I'm in the middle of a breakdown.

I thought I would cover myself my biting the bullet and going to see the psych doc to get some meds. Well, she refuses to give me meds and I don't like...



Posted by lostinsideofme , in Randomness, Therapy 04 October 2011 · 28 views

Since my last blog. My nephew got hurt in football, i got to find out through a FB post. and my sister refused to answer her phone for me. I say refused because if you have time to update your FB status u have time to answer a phone or text, right?

But just a couple weeks ago she's calling me about my brother, day and night and I answered the phone....


Please make it stop

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 30 September 2011 · 36 views

I think i'm losing my mind. Or I've lost it and have just been pretending for some time now.

I can't take this anymore. I don't even know whats real anymore. Are all of these flashes real, or is my mind just leading me to believe that my whole life has been shit. I'm sure that somewhere in the recesses of my mind there has to be a goo...


Just back from T...

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 27 September 2011 · 33 views

Still not liking her at the moment. Some thing about seeing her just bring up so much anger in me, and she expects me to sit there and openup to her... not happening. And then today, something I wasn't expecting form her at all, sarcastic comments about what I have in my hands... Hmmm... not helpful.

Then I got the feeling like she was talking down...


A Game with the T

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 25 September 2011 · 26 views

So due to my T dropping a bomb on me, my opinion of her and our relationship is not well at the moment. I've reverted to being this juvenille, testy little girl. I can't answer questions without her answering one. I deflect, redirect everything and then there is the testing. I know its silly because its my care and I should be in control of it....


Ending soon...

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 20 September 2011 · 36 views

My t is leaving soon. Sometime in December. Far too soon if you ask me. Right in the midst of two MAJOR anniversaries. MAJOR anniversaries. The first time my uncle abused me and the loss of my baby girl. Damn just typing that makes me want to jump off a bridge.

So IDK what I'm going to do. I'm thinking when she tells me her last day, I might...


Stressful T Session

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 20 September 2011 · 35 views

I'm sad. I busted my neck tryin to make it to therapy on time today, managed to make it there early only to have my therapist be 10 minutes late.

But to hear the things we talked about. She tells me that she thinks I should be on meds. That I should try this treatment plan, blah blah blah. That i'm not vested in my care. Reminding me that she...


Standing on the Edge

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 18 September 2011 · 41 views

If i hear one more piece of bad news, its over for me. I can't take it anymore.

Yesterday I get a phone call from my sister letting me know that my brother ran away from his foster home. Then I get him on the phone crying in my ear begging me to rescue him... Here I am standing at the barbershop in tears because I cant and I dont know how.



A Letter to Myself

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 18 September 2011 · 27 views

Found this in one of my notebooks from years ago, posting it because its still so real:

Everyone hates me. They all do it and I know it. I wake up everyone morning wondering why I had to wake up again and who decided I should be born. But that's ok let them hate me. Who gives a fuck because no one can hate me more than me. That's right I said i...

Guide to my world

I put up a general *TRIGGER WARNING* for all those who read. This is me being as real as I can get, trying not to hold back. Working through memories and life's challenges in the aftermath.

Randomness tends to have the most content, but I warn you, it gets pretty random.

When I find more courage, My stories, will have more content. For now walk with my through my therapeutic adventures and rants.

School sucks, but at least its finally over.

Emotions, Memories are full of raw emotion.

Recently I've been Exploring My Sexuality

Welcome to my world.~lost~

What I'm Pondering

How do you overcome something that has been ingrained in you? Is it possible, or is it like fighting against your genes?

How on earth do turkeys get their fat asses in the air?

If I evolved from a primate, how come I've forgotten how to climb a tree?

Who can fry an egg on a sidewalk? I can barely fry an egg in a pan.

September 2014

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