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Entry #1

Posted by Victoriya in Wounded But Victorious, 18 December 2014 · 6 views

This is the start of my first blog, and the record of my fight for life. In a way, life is like a war with each day its own battle, but it's also a glorious adventure. Despite the struggles and hardships we endure, each day is a priceless and wonderful adventure filled with happiness and excitement around every corner, treasures hidden in every shado...

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Addiction

Posted by Linnaeus in Survivorship, 17 December 2014 · 15 views

Trigger warning
 
I liked a lesson as a child at church, drug awareness while elsewhere drugs came into church. I got my first experience there with both sex and drugs while later on (totally scared of needles) an advertisement spread with a crucifix - but a needle with Christ on it. It stuck, then later in life on came a person pushing ideas, needle...

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T 12/17. Ended badly

Posted by SilverandBlue in Learning not to Remember, 17 December 2014 · 21 views

I did have a good start to the day. I brought my nieces to the store, to take them off their mom's hands and got lots of comments on my "adorable children" 😄 so I was in a good mood when I walked in today.
According to T, I was on an oxytocin "high" from being with the girls. Which is true I guess. I get the same way when I'm cuddling a baby.
At...

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Day 30

Posted by ButterflyLady in My Positive Thoughts, 17 December 2014 · 9 views

I got my car washed today and took a few pictures of it. One for the calendar I am trying to get into (if he gets enough submissions) and the others for me. I got errands run but still forgot to get a couple of things. Oh and I have been writing something everyday for a month now, as hard as it is.
https://z-1-scontent...os-xpa1/v/t1...

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feeling lonely

Posted by DonnaM in DonnaM's Blog, 17 December 2014 · 13 views

Today I was very busy finishing my Christmas baking and preparing for the holiday.my boyfriend was home with me,however today I have been feeling lonely and unloved. I don't know if it's just me missing my mother and my grandmother or if he and I just aren't connecting today.is this something to mention or just let it go? The man I have been in a 2 year...

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Melancholy mood

Posted by Irishleo in Irishleo's Blog, 17 December 2014 · 7 views

Today I've been feeling sad and reflective. I sat in my car for awhile near the edge of the forest, just watching the leaves swirl around in the wind. There was something peaceful about it that comforted me. 
 
Christmas is always a difficult time for me. It turns out though that this Christmas I probably won't have to see my uncle after all, as...

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Dream of being a social pariah

Posted by annie42 in annie42's Blog, 17 December 2014 · 21 views

Last night I dreamt of being in a social situation and I felt like an outcast. No one wanted me there and I was doing things to be helpful, trying to make myself acceptable but it didn't work, I just felt horribly rejected. I've always remembered feeling as a child I was on the outside looking in. That, in my family, I was barely tolerated and assumed it...

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boundaries are slippery little bastards

Posted by lucylocket in My story, 17 December 2014 · 26 views

Boundaries. If you'd asked me a couple of years ago about boundaries I would have given you a blank stare or tried to change the subject or deflect the question until I had time to think. I really had no idea what boundaries were, much less that I was actually entitled to them. That I deserved boundaries.
 
I guess that's what therapy does though. So...

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intense emotional flashback

Posted by gritgirl in gritgirl's Blog, 17 December 2014 · 20 views

I am aware that this is the way forward. I am beset by difficult feelings and I make things worse for myself by being anxious and doubting my worth and value as a person.
Yesterday such a difficult feeling state in the morning - it was all I could do to stay grounded. I heard myself say out loud I want to tear the clothes off of my body.
 
It's disru...

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A letter to my mother

Posted by Ludditesunited in Ludditesunited's Blog, 16 December 2014 · 49 views

I have stopped contact with you and I am not sure it's right. Sometimes it feels like I've turned away from a relationship that has potential. Other times when I see your abusiveness, and how much you've lied to family, I feel I've made the right choice. I can never have a relationship with someone who won't change and expects I only ever owe them somethi...

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Intrinsic value

Posted by Qrious in Q's questing, 16 December 2014 · 57 views

So. T has left me feeling that everything that happened was my fault. I KNOW that it isn't, necessarily, but I FEEL like it is (sorry, no italics on this thing - don't mean to be shouty).

My family - they've all stopped talking to me because I dared to tell them I have ptsd.

My husband pulled a sad face when I told him last night I'd used emergency cont...

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Reaching out for the 1st time

Posted by MrsLnw in MrsLnw's Blog, 15 December 2014 · 48 views

This is the first time I've tried to get help after my incident. For awhile I wasn't sure why I never did. I have always had the gift of gab. I love communicating with others. I was able to tell a few close friends, including my boyfriend who is now my husband. But, that's a total of three people. The other day I was thinking about it and I realized I'm...

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Abusers targeting my boyfriend

Posted by wildnfree in wildnfree's Blog, 15 December 2014 · 15 views

I don't understand why my abuser and his mom won't stop bothering the people I love. My parents and some childhood friends go to church with them, so they won't stop bothering them. Their latest target has been my boyfriend. The abuser's mom is always asking why he won't speak or love her anymore. Even worse, she recently went to his job and waited outsid...

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just a short one...

Posted by missophelia in my blog, 14 December 2014 · 28 views

I just had a conversation on facebook with a fellow survivor.  She is struggling right now with some health problems, is kind of where I've been health wise.  And in the course of conversation, I told her that I've been through quite a bit this year, and that now I am doing better than I have been in a long time.
 
She asked what's been goi...

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First time after.

Posted by AirmidFae in AirmidFae's Blog, 14 December 2014 · 36 views

Went over to my boyfriend's yesterday.
We talked about everything that happened last week. Agreed on nonverbal and verbal ways to tell him I need to stop.
Agreed to avoid me not having hands.

And then we tried again.

It was painful.
Physically and emotionally.

My body actually tried to reject him the first few times we tried.
It took a while to re...

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Day 367: Anniversary of ?

Posted by intrepidshe in Intrepid She, 14 December 2014 · 131 views

A year ago plus a few days I posted my first entry, telling the beginning thread of my abuse history. It took me a few days this week to find the words to mark a year, this year of finding and giving voice.
 
As I started to write this posting I was tempted to refer to this entry as a terrible anniversary, thinking of it as an ann...

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Anxiety

Posted by SME in SME's Blog, 12 December 2014 · 28 views

I am brand new to this and making a lot of changes in my life. I was abused as a child by a family friend, once by a guy I hooked up with and for years by my ex boyfriend. It caused physical pain, depression, medication dependency, and many other awful things. In March I started coming off the meds and the emotions of what truly happened to me all came to...

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My first christmas

Posted by crazycatlover in my crazy life, 12 December 2014 · 28 views

Last christmas I was just a normal teenage girl. well not completely normal but pretty close.
This will be my first christmas as a gender-confused multiple trying to heal from my childhood.
This will be my first christmas as Jason, as a he , although I'm not expecting my parents to call me either....
I don't know if I can handle this
 
 

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Can't you see this influences everything?

Posted by Juditha in Juditha's Blog, 12 December 2014 · 43 views

It has surprised me how people fail to see how much this influences. 
 
- For the past five years I've struggled with PTSD and depression. I'm not even 19 years old yet. Neither my childhood nor my teen years have been what they should have been. And it's not over yet. In a way it will never be over. Though I hope the depression and the PTSD wil...

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Parents caved ..

Posted by PinkWalls in PinkWalls' Blog, 10 December 2014 · 34 views

After a furious...emotion filled argument with my parents that was completely unncessary, they called yesterday saying they'll let the dogs go to an animal lodge.
I'm angry now... that i had to go through that with them, to argue with them in that way, when they knew i was right in the first place. I only see them once a year, and like to call home when i...



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