Goddess-of-Fate

What do you like about Pandys?

74 posts in this topic

While I agree with what's been said, and I value this place because people are not judgmental, I think what I most appreciate is the information I've found here or through links from here. I'd done a fair bit of healing before finding Pandy's, read a fair bit of stuff, figured out some of "how" the after effects worked (i.e., figured out some triggers and things), but I didn't get the "why" and it made me crazy. :P A shame-free and nonjudgmental environment is great in the "don't look back at that, look forward to this" department, but I needed to understand that I couldn't just solve these issues "if I had a little backbone."

I was raised on the "will power conquers everything" mentality, and until I understood, not just the how of the afterfects but the how the trauma of sexual assault can literally change the brain, I couldn't quite give that approach up and felt guilty for the failure (which raises the stress level, which means triggers are more triggery...). Also through Pandy's I found far more effective information and studies on the reasoning process behind the "self-sabotage" a lot of survivors deal with ("Why do I keep choosing stuff I know won't work?"), and could work from there to a far more effective approach. Instead of just trying to "fix" my wrong thinking through brute force ("willpower"), I began to learn other, far more directed and effective, techniques for coping with the after-effects of the abuse. It isn't that I lacked willpower - it was that I was trying to do the impossible! :blink: Once I learned to point that willpower in the right direction, things started changing for the better. :)

I value the support, I value the fact that others understand, but I also value the information I've gotten here, so much. And just as an added bonus, the mods are lovely. :D I think the frequent advice one of the mods gives pretty much sums up the place - "take gentle care of you." :)

Sheryl

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I like the support I can get 24/7 and the way Pandy's is so safe and secure.

I like that I can relate to others and don't feel so alone in my journey.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
As someone had already mentioned, everyone here just gets it. I spend so much time trying to justify my reaction/actions or explaining how I feel, or why I think I was so affected by certain things to people who really just don't understand. Here, I can post, and know that I don't have to exasperate myself trying to explain every little thing.

I like that this community is safe and welcoming. I feel comfortable and safe here -- two things that I don't feel very easily. The members here are dedicated to supporting one another. Before coming here, I'd never really known what it felt like to be understood. And feeling like no one understood was one of the most isolating feels I'd ever felt. I no longer feel that way, and to me, that's a precious gift.

I'm thankful for everyone here, and the supportive, healing environment that people work so hard to maintain.

:)
-Julia

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
People believe me here.
And I really like all of the healing related discussions that go on here...to me, this is a *very* proactive board and I think that's wonderful. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Everyone understands what you're going through - you never get a bad reaction.
I can tell things that I cant to people in real life, I can be open, and completely be me.
I can be as depressed as I want, or as cheerful, and nobody minds.
People share things they've learnt - you can learn new ways to think or methods to cope.
There is ALWAYS someone online - you are never alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It's safe. I feel secure and welcomed here. I don't feel judged and it feels like a family, one that sticks together and helps one another and cares for each other etc. There's always someone here willing to listen and to help. I'm so glad I found Pandy's. I've been on other boards, but this is the first one where I've felt truly safe and valued. Thank-you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It's the only place where people understand me :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='mockingbird' post='994705' date='Jul 4 2009, 01:13 AM']It's the only place where people understand me :)[/quote]

Ditto :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well, I just recently had to write an Essay for a scholarship I am applying for, and I thought I'd share what I wrote here because the whole time I am promoting Pandys :D

T warning though for uncensored R*** spelling.

[b] Healing [/b]


From a young age, I was sexually assaulted and raped by my cousin. When I was finally able to break free from this violence, I had only just turned thirteen. The abuse went on for eight years. In the following years, I didn’t immediately address the issue, and my family did all they could to hide the matter and act as if nothing had happened. We were still a normal family from the outside; Every Thanksgiving, the whole family would eat together, extended family and all (cousin included)- minus one: Me. This went on for a good three and a half years,-until I was about sixteen. That’s when I began actively trying to put a stop to it. Finally, after about a year, I found something that helped me: a survivor site known as Pandys.org.
Pandys.org has allowed me to open up in my healing. Before, I could hardly focus on my past without becoming overwhelmed and completely shutting down, but I knew I would have to focus on it in order to heal and move forward. I just didn’t know how to get there. Pandys helped me in so many ways to do that. The site offers such strong support; it’s like a healing pool. Through another person’s story and experience, I myself, as well as others, can find a multitude of ways to come to terms with what has happened and learn to grow from it; to become better people from our tragedies. At Pandys, you can share your story without fear of discrimination or shame. No one is going to tell you what you “should have done differently” or ask you, “well, why didn’t you tell anyone?”. They are there for the same reasons, and know your pain as well as they breathe their own.
Through this site’s thoughtfulness, many different sections have been incorporated to help with addressing key issues. Some of these sections are as follows: My Story (Which is, often times, the hardest thing to get out in any form), Mental Wellness, Moving Forward, Healing Together, Survivor Communities, Self-Injury (a safe place to come together and fight against it), Body Image, Nightmares, Flashbacks, Anniversaries, Triggers, Relationships, Perusing Legal Action, Research, Activism and Speaking Out. All these subjects and so many more are what make this site amazing. In my opinion, it would not have come off the ground without such places where survivors can go, where I can go, in order to discuss these key issues and learn from them. One of the most impacting articles I found was on ‘Grey Area’ rape. It stated that there is a belief in a ‘half rape’ within society because of a supposed ‘half consent’ due to prior relations, not fighting back, no clearly spoken “No!”, or due to intoxication of either the perpetrator or the victim. Because of my personal experience, this struck a chord with me. My first therapist tried to convince me that because I eventually stopped saying “No” every time, if he thought it was consensual, then it was. So when I read about ‘Grey Area’ rape and its atrocity, I began pondering it for an overly extended period of time, until I was finally able to re-validate what had happened to me. What he did wasn’t okay, I still had no power to stop it. Sure, there may have been a hundred million other ways I could have come to discover this, but it was unveiled to me through this group, not any other source. Without Pandys.org I might still be sitting around wondering if my old therapist was correct in her thoughts, that my abuse was my fault for no other reason than the fact that I gave up on fighting, like so many others who have similar experiences. Using Pandys most certainly helps me more than anything in gaining closure, which is a slow and tedious task, but thanks to this site, made completely attainable.
Another amazing thing about this site is this: it’s not just dedicated to survivors, it was founded by survivors of rape and sexual assault. Considering this, it’s no wonder the site has been such an outstanding guide and aid for me and, no doubt, countless others. These people understood from the beginning and still understand what it is like to endure this kind of suffering, and therefore were able to create the perfect sanctuary. In addition to this, as the number of members grow, so does the realm of possibility for what will be brought up and discussed. This is because Pandys is a community. Any idea can be made into reality and all for the betterment of the group. It is awe-inspiring when people who have been hurt, take their pain and turn it to something good, for not only themselves, but thousands of others, which is exactly what they have done. Their passion and desire to create such a place also mirrors my own. I was getting doubtful that I could ever help anyone because of how I always felt, but this site, through its love, care, advice, resources and direction to an affordable therapist, as given me my strength back. It reestablished my faith in me. This is something, that for the longest time, I thought was gone forever.
The things that happen in this life will never leave us. Even if we forget, sometimes a memory will come floating back to us, maybe as a great memory, or a horrible one. and if fortune would have it to be the later of the two, it doesn’t mean its going to stop us from pushing forwards in our lives. On the other hand, we might just sit and ponder it for a bit. For a few days we may work on this memory that suddenly decided to show its ugly head. We will go to the places that we know can help us, for many out there, and especially myself, that place will be Pandys.org. It is because I know whether I am facing my past, my future or both at the same time, I’ve got people there for me who can help and who understand. They will not let me down just as I have no intention of letting them down. No group has touched me more so then they have.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
its a place we can just "be"
no masks, no hiding behind the smile
no pretending we are ok.

we can come here and just be

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
*Possible Triggers*

A couple years ago, I was just beginning to scratch the surface of my rape and its after-effects...only, I didn't understand anything that I was going through...I thought I was going crazy when I would have triggers (I didn't even know there was a word for them until I saw it on Pandys), nightmares, flashbacks, rage, the works...I was going through a difficult time personally, as my fiance worked two jobs, I was unemployed and just had myself to myself all day and deep into the night until my fiance returned home...I was alone with my thoughts. Alcohol became my crutch, and I was going through nearly a half liter a day. I figured if I was drunk enough that if I got triggered, it wouldn't bother me so much. I became severely depressed and even started making plans about what I would do if it ever got to be "too much." It was at this time that by some chance of fate that I stumbled across Pandys. I can never quite put to words what it meant to me to see this site and to read everyone's posts. From the get-go, I felt so accepted and welcomed and loved. I didn't even have to post...just reading other people's threads was so therapeutic and wonderful. After being on the site for awhile, I was inspired to go to counseling. I opened up more to my fiance and I stopped feeling like I had to end my life.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect today. I still feel like I need to go back to therapy to work really hard on some pressing issues that keep coming up related to my rape, and I still haven't always been able to open up and tell my fiance when something's bothering me...but considering that I was standing on the edge of the abyss before joining Pandys and that now I'm back in school, looking toward the future, and feeling happier...I just can't thank Pandys and all its members enough.

So, I guess what I like most about Pandys is that it saved my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over.

Much love, Stephanie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SoyHermosa_Brittan - sounds like you have grown so much and taken like a thousand steps! Aswell as really good support and having a safe space here on Pandys - I feel the same :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i love pandys because everyone are so supportive and wonderful. because it is safe. because i can pour out my emtions and not have to worry anout being embarased.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As a new member, what I like about Pandy is that there's a wide variety of wonderful topics available for members to visit and comment on. :thumbsup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like how Pandy's lets me feel open. My first post was hard, but this place has helped me go from trying to help someone else to validating my own experiences. I was using this site to help me support my boyfriend, but today it was about me. I had the worst day I've had in a very long time, breaking down all over the place. After work I sat at my computer and just started reading on here and posting. I realized today that I finally have a place I feel safe. That's a good feeling!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I love everything about pandys!!!! rolleyes.gif

i like how i can say things here that i could and may never be able to share anywhere else

i like how people here do not judge me only support me

i like if i am having an off day, week, month thats ok

i like how there is no pressure

i like how pandys makes me feel like part of a family, like i belong

there are lots of other reasons too!

LOVE YOU PANDYS!!! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pandy's is just an amazing place to belong to, it is such a nice safe place where not only can you talk about things that are so personal but also to have fun and talk to like minded people

Thank everyone for making Pandys so safe!

Lucy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am new here and the first thing I thought when I started reading the threads was - I am normal! There are people here that feel just like me and that was a big relief. I also feel that I'm welcomed and safe. And I don't even need to comment, just reading the threads here is so therapeutic.

This is why I LOVE Pandys :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The best thing about Pandys is that no matter what happened, no one ever questions the significance of your experience

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel safe and supported.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mostly because people here 'get it' as sad it makes me feel to know that other's have walked in my shoes, it's comforting to know I am not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

pandy's I find is my way out supplementing help from psychologist. not many people I can link with in my area who been thru it, not even an actual support group in person so pandy's is I find empowering for our esteem. relieved there is such a support group for this kind which as i previously found online is big in other parts of the world. I like being able to read any thread without being in an order and I feel :) from reading messages as a way of reassurance and recently the explicit comments in some posts gets me laughing as treading on the r***** so he dwindles to a delicate wafer which sooo easily crumbles :D also pandy's is available year round and 24 hrs. online support groups beats crisis helplines as the people talking to u give u ways out on the helplines but u make the steps to redeem yaself, Yeh I know redeeming ourselves is the goal but here online, I get to know people with a 'common ground' and virtual friendships enriching better than Facebook where people aren't always connected online.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites