Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Louise

Sharing not comparing

28 posts in this topic

After reading so many incidents, some horrified me, made me cry, made me mad, etc. I started to feel that what I experienced wasn't so bad. I really needed to hear this. Thanks for all you do here on this site. This site has helped me trememdously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've done this too.

Maybe it's one of those things that is easier to believe, it wasn't that horrible. Like it wasn't real rape, it was my fault, and he didn't know what he was doing.

I remember my first rationalization, "it wasn't a classic rape case".

I told that to my friends - they said "it never is".

15 years later, here, one of my earliest posts was in Grey Rape, that's still how I saw it.

It was like IPSA exept we didn't live together, just in seperate dorms on a college campus. My first post to that forum began "I don't know of this counts".

The only episode of SVU that really triggered me was Olivia sitting in the couselors office saying "I feel like I don't deserve to be here". I could absolutely relate to that. It's how I felt when I called the rape crisis center.

I couldn't tell my story out loud, I still can't. It took three meetings but I worked up the nerve to give her the story I posted here.

She read it before my next meeting and I asked, is that rape.

I think it is the first time I could really accept the YES.

After all, mine wasn't that bad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is such a powerful post and I love and relate to EVERYTHING you all said. I agree; pain is pain! If I get a paper cut and cry it may look like it's small but it still hurts. I heard that simple analogy somewhere and it made sense. I wonder if these thoughts are how we have been conditioned to think; from the outside world, as well as our perpetrators. Mine used to tell me this was for MY own good. We are groomed to think like this and I still do all the time. The comment I grew up with, "Think of all the starving people in China." A comment like that can really make us feel unworthy of our own pain. I was abused as a young pre-teen as well as raped twice as an adult. When I look at my situation I can think what happened to me as a kid was horrible; but somehow being raped as an adult was my fault and not that bad. Someone told me that it is known that survivors of child abuse are more often victims of rape and crimes as adults. I'm not sure I understand that. Any thoughts? Gee, now I feel like I'm rambling too. I guess I should say that I loved all your posts. As I read each post I cried for each one of you; because you are all coming from a place of pain and want to heal. Sometimes I don't post because I don't know what to say or think my posts sound stupid. I have a couple of degrees and everything; but feel like an idiot. I just want to give everyone here a big hug. Because we are in this together! No matter what; because we hurt.

Thanks for listening to me.

Pinkshell

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0