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Jes

Mod Decisions

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We've recently received several complaints about how the board is run and the way in which the moderators make decisions. While we welcome members to contact us if they are concerned about the decisions we make, we want you to know that our choices arise from needs and that we discuss them at length in a careful process that holds the benefit of the community in mind. Furthermore, when it comes to enforcing the guidelines, for the good of the board, we must be consistent, even if this might seem to be rigid at times. Unfortunately, in a community of this size, it is not possible to please everybody. We ask that if you find yourself feeling this way that you try to remember that the decisions that we make are never personal or meant to be marginalizing. While we recognize that people might have questions about the guidelines, it is frustrating for us to feel like we have to justify every single choice we make.

Recently, the complaints, the complaints about other people's complaints, the accusations of purposeful marginalization, and almost constant charges of "causing" people to feel unsafe and delaying people's healing have become very difficult. Again, it is never our intention to cause harm to any member, but with the recent complaints, we are being asked to shoulder undue responsibility. The tone of some of the communications we've had suggests that people feel entitled to have rules changed simply because they don't like them, without taking into consideration how it may affect the rest of the community. There has been outright anger when the rules have not been "changed back"—and, again, they have not been changed back because we truly believe that they are for the good of the community as a whole.

The bottom line is that we must all take good care of ourselves and do what we need to do to further our own individual healing. If the rules of the board truly compromise your emotional safety and interfere with your personal healing, then it would be important not to remain here and to remember that there are many other forums available online. That is not to say "if you don't like the rules get lost" or "our way or the highway." We are not attempting to mandate anything of the sort, but the reality is every member here including the moderators, must resolve to accept and abide by the rules to make this a functional community.

We would also like to invite you into a glimpse of the role of a moderator. We spend countless hours moderating this community, working to keep it as safe, compassionate, and healing focused as possible. We do this as we lead our own personal and professional lives, and while we are on our own individual healing paths. It is a very big responsibility and one that each of us takes very seriously. Generally, it is also a responsibility that each of us finds immeasurably rewarding, but when we are inundated by complaints and being maligned and blamed for what can feel like everything under the sun, what is normally enjoyable becomes disheartening at best. Really, we don't want a gold star for doing this and we don't want a cookie; it's usually a pleasure. But we do want to be treated with respect.

We do our best to ensure this is a functional and safe community - and hey – with several years of mostly happy members who have gained much by being here shows that we haven't done too badly in running this community. We simply ask that you bear all of this in mind as we move forward together in our healing.

Warm regards,

The moderators

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((((((((((((Moderators)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I agree completely with what has just been stated here.And I for one, hold all of you in respect, and a respect that I don't want to abuse.

This is board is here for all of us...and with that requires maturity of us the members to respect the mods at all times. If you do feel that the rules or recent changes aren't to your benefit, then its time to make a decision of this board is for you.

This board is known for its compassion, with a big capital C...also think that as members, we do forget about those being in charge, that as moderators you have to carry the burnt of the load of making sure that board runs smoothly and safely for members.

Not everyone is going to like rule or changes, but that's also a part of life.

I also want to say that the moderators deserve our respect at all times. No exceptions.

We're here to help one another...and those guidelines are there for all of us.

(((((((((( Mods)))))))))))))))))

I appreciate everything that you do here, even with your hectic lives to run.

Love,

Tina

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((hugs to all mods of chat; board; wherever else is needing mods))

I think you do an amazing job. I dont know what I would do without Pandy's

Thank you

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(((((((((((((((Mods)))))))))))))))))

Well said and greatly appreciated. Thank you for all you do!

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(((Mods))) ... I know I have never felt that you have done anything without fully explaining why .. It must be the hardest job in the world finding that balance where most of our needs are met.

Brings to mind the old saying, you can please some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time.

And with that saying in mind we have to remember that there are a lot of us who use this board and we need to respect the way it is run and other members.

I for one and grateful for this place and I hope it carries on as it has.

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I am only recently joined this site and i think you all do a wonderful job, it is enlightening to know i am not alone and that we have such caring people moderating the board to keep it safe as possible for all of us....

Thanks for a great job.... :)

Kate

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You don't want cookies or stars?! :o

You certainly deserve them for all the great work you do. :D

cookies.jpggoldstarzzlg.jpg

:moo: wanted me to include a sheep cookie as well.

eastercookies_sm.jpg

enjoy. ;)

Thanks for all the hard work.

ayelet

Edited by Star of the Sea

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:angry: Some people!

Thank you for ALL you do;

You do a fantastic job!

Big Love,

Chase

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Hey Jes & Mods -

You all know I appreciate you as people and the work you do, so I'm going to skip the whole group hug thing.

I think this post is - although it's of course sad that it's needed - a very useful reminder. It reminds us members that none of the decisions that are being announced have undergone a process of discussion and careful consideration, even though the members can't be part of the process and might not even know it happened.

As a member, I almost feel like I want to apologize for the people who bitch, but please also remember that if even someone like me, someone who loves you and is extremely thankful that more than one of you got me drunk ;) , might not fully agree with everything, just because we never witnessed the process that comes before a guideline, and that can be a little intimidating.

That being said, I'm in no way trying to criticize any of the recent additions to the rules, I actually agree with all of them.

I think this was a useful reminder from a mod perspective, so I hope the member input counts a little as well, bear with us if we feel overwhelmed with something new, we're all humans. I encourage everyone to be respectful and considerate when voicing your concerns towards the mods, though.

Stef

P.S. Since they are being rejected by the mods, all cookies may please be directed at me. ;)

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(((((((((((((((((((Mods))))))))))))))))))))))))

No complaints here ;)

Take care all of you,

love as always from Laura xxx

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P.S. Since they are being rejected by the mods, all cookies may please be directed at me. ;)

I believe it was written that they don't want "a cookie." Perhaps that is because it's hard to share a single cookie 7 (8 if one includes franklin) ways (and that's not counting all the chat mods.) At that point it would just be a few cookie crumbs per mod. :moo: is convinced that once they see the full range of cookies offered, they might reconsider.

Alternatively, it could be that they don't want cookies as a payment for their mod work, but they'll accept cookies as a gift.

Just in case, we'll contribute some extra cookies just for you, Stef.

GERCOOK1.jpg

;)

ayelet

Edited by Star of the Sea
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A lot of the books I've read on survivors say we have issues with people in authority, and it's sure true of me. :P Haven't had any problems with the authorites here, thus far. ;) It is difficult to run a board of this size and it seems as groups get larger the rules do often end up refined or tightened - that or the group implodes and breaks up. :o I'm sorry rules changes are bothering people and that the mods are getting the fall out. :( Very much appreciate all the mods do.

Sheryl

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(and that's not counting all the chat mods.

This chat mod isn't rejecting any cookie.

(((((((mods)))))) [sorry, but I ate the cookies while posting]

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Thank you to all the mods,

It has been made clear that mods are survivors on their own healing journeys, and are quite obviously (you just need to look at the membership numbers) providing a fantastic board.

The mods deserve respect and support, not complaints or insinuations that they are deliberately hurting members.

They all do a wonderful job,

Pandy's is much appreciated.

Morgan x

Edited by Morgan

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I think you're all amazing. But if you really don't want those cookies....

Diet starts tomorrow!

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Ok, almost everyone here, more or less, that has any amount of posts has; at one point or another had a post edited, deleted, moved, or otherwise modified by a moderated. OK? No one is special or being singled out by having this done.

I will be more blunt than the mods- in my opinion if you cannot be civil about having this happen then you need to find another place to go to outside of pandora's aquarium. The only reason this place is "safe" for many of us is because it is so thoroughly moderated.

-Nicole

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A lot of the books I've read on survivors say we have issues with people in authority, and it's sure true of me. :P Haven't had any problems with the authorites here, thus far. ;) It is difficult to run a board of this size and it seems as groups get larger the rules do often end up refined or tightened - that or the group implodes and breaks up. :o I'm sorry rules changes are bothering people and that the mods are getting the fall out. :( Very much appreciate all the mods do.

Sheryl

I think you're exactly right, Sheryl. It becomes really trying for us when people's feelings of powerlessness and vulnerability get projected on us. And this board is constantly growing, and as it grows we're constantly on the lookout for how to make it safe while at the same time accommodating. We've never made a decision without careful, long consideration on our part. We've made some controversial decisions in the past - the addition of the secondary forum and spirituality come to mind. Thankfully, we can stand by those decisions because the fallout that was feared never came to fruition. In fact, thoes forums appear to be adding considerably to our community for those who utilize them.

Unfortunately, I am not sure we can stand by the cookie decision though. I have considered the comments of members here, and I shall graciously accept all offerings of cookies. Franklin prefers them made from chicken and/or salmon. I prefer the chocolate variety ;) I am guessing our pregnant mods will take whatever they are offered!

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(((((((((((mods)))))))))))

I have been on here a long time now. And this board has help me alot. And i thank you for having this board around for all of us who needs it. I really appreciate it very much for all you do for this board and for the mods who really do care about each and every one of us. You all do amazing job to make sure this board is safe and that saids alot for me. I think thats all it matters if the board is safe or not and to me it is and really it is.

I'm sorry that you all have complaints.

((((((((((((hugs because you all deserve it)))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks

Animalbears

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Unfortunately, I am not sure we can stand by the cookie decision though. I have considered the comments of members here, and I shall graciously accept all offerings of cookies. Franklin prefers them made from chicken and/or salmon. I prefer the chocolate variety ;) I am guessing our pregnant mods will take whatever they are offered!

508_deli.jpg

They also have cookies made from chicken liver (check out their liver luvs). I believe they can be broken up for cats, but if Franklin can't eat these, i figured he can pass them onto Sam.

To be sure we have something for Franklin, we'll also contribute these:

drugstore_three-dog-bakery-cat-treats.jpg

As for the chocolate cookies:

834_cookies.jpg

:moo: is happy to take any other mod requests. :D

just let her know.

ayelet

P.S. even the cat treats are from the "three dog bakery." where are the baking cats?

Edited by Star of the Sea

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I wanted to add my voice to the thanks. You guys work so hard and I appreciate all the time you spend on the board. Thank you for everything!

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If this has nothing to do with complaints regarding the thread i started the other day, then please ignore this post but i would like to say for the record if anybody is taking issue with the thread i started that was then deleted PLEASE DON'T.

The post was deleted because i erased it. I knew the rules said that if any posts are erased they are automatically deleted and i used that loophole to delete the post because i wanted it gone and i knew it would get yanked if i erased it. (you know i know where all the exits are :blush: )

No mods said anything to me about the thread nor did they delete it due to it's content. On the contrary one mod pm'd me with a thank you to me for addressing the thread with an apology. I WANTED to apologize to any body i might have offended and to all those who replied to the orginial thread because their words would get yanked too. I was not guilted into aplogizing.

But if this has nothing to do with some of the bitching the mods are talking about then nevermind :)

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((((((((((((One Feather))))))))))))))))))

If the mods had a problem with your thread, you would've been informed...this has more to do with the mods getting complaints about any recent board changes...like posting hug threads, leaving guidelines, and research...which I think were the most recent updates.

I can assure you, everything is fine.

All board members can't be pleased most of the time, and the all the MODS do their best to keep this board safe at all times.

Tina

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Shannon - I'm not sure you should accept the cookies since there might be gluten problems if Sam gets them. :)

I want to thank the mods for all of their help and the ULTRA hard work of keeping this a safe community. Part of the reason my healing is going so well is because of pandys: and the reason pandys work is because of the mods and chat mods.

Since I can't cook, I can only offer my thanks! :P

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Since I can't cook, I can only offer my thanks! :P

:moo: suggests this cookbook. ;)

vegemite.jpg

To counterbalance all the sweets and to make Lou feel more at home. :P;)

I did try to tell her that vegemite cookies sounded like a bad idea (and indeed there were no pictures of "vegemite cookies" on google.) I didn't want the mods to start rejecting cookies again. ;)

sheep and their crazy ideas... :rolleyes:

Edited by Star of the Sea

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Also alot of survivors have probles with ANY sort of change, whether it be small, or big. It is just a process we all have to work through. Change for alot of us can be very difficult, until we readjust. Just be good to yourselves through the process.

Mods, I do appreciate all the hard work you have been doing. Way to go!

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