Cherry Blossom

Premeditation of r*pe?

94 posts in this topic

I didn't want to think about it for a long time, but I'm pretty much sure my rape was premeditated now.
The thought that he knew what he was going to do in advance sickens me.
((((((((((Huggles))))))))))

Love Rach xxx

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Premeditated... It is frustrating, but I would have to say that yes it was. I had been with this guy on several occasions and he had seemed actually very nice. You think you know someone until you realize that you don't. If it had been impulsive, it would have happened way before what it did. But he choose to wait until I trusted him entirely... waited until I agreed to meet him at his house... that way he could have everything there waiting... ready... sick? That word is gentle to describe the tormented visions these people must have in their minds to deliberately do to someone what they premeditately do. It definitely makes it impossible to ever forgive... well, to me anyways. And definitely not something I'll be able to let go of for a very long time... not as long as my life continues to be so affected by all that he did.

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It's funny shell that you bring this up.  (well not ha ha funny,but an odd coincidence none the less)

Dave and I talked about this very thing on our honeymoon.  (how romantic I know)  I'm not going to go into the bulk of our conversation until I talk it out with my t...but needless to say I was astounded as to what extent Eric went to....grrr....

Whether it's premeditated or not it sucks.  :)

(((hugs)))

Laney

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This one still has me thinking...

Laney, believe it or not, when I originally posted this, I also thought of you. I am very interested to hear what you have to say when you are ready.

****possible Trigger***


On another note, when I posted this, I was posting about the attempted rape. But since then I have been giving a lot of thought to the abusive relationship. I believe he KNEW what he was doing and that he had it PLANNED.

We first went on some dates. Fine. We had a nice time. He told me about being separated from his wife waiting for his divorce to become final. A lie. But a lie that he knew would get me to keep seeing him. Next was "I could spend the rest of my life with you" and "I love you". But he also added, "you don't need to say it back" which looking back tells me that he only said it because he knew that I would only sleep with someone I was in love with. So he said it, and we slept together. He knew that it would go this way. He started the verbal abuse first. He then played on my insecurities (he being the more experienced in bed) and guilted me into sex when I didn't want to and he made me THINK I loved him. The last night we had sex, he had the lubricant ready - before then, sometimes we used it sometimes we didn't and it was always put away in between. Why was it there ready to go if he didn't plan on having sex no matter what. He knew he could scare me into having sex.

IT WAS HIS FAULT!! HE WAS TO BLAME!! HE WOULD DENY EVERY WORD I AM SURE.

Sickening.
Thank you for allowing me to get this out.
Love,
Michelle

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I also have been thinking about this thread still. I was just in the shower thinking about it and here it is again, boosted, like it was waiting for me to say something else.

I got sidetracked thinking about my so called friend and whether she somehow influenced him. He's to blame for his own actions and I know that and I forgot to say it before.

**T**


Of course it was premeditated. I couldn't think about it before. Denial, I suppose. What else would he have been doing with me? He was 21 (or 22 or 23 or more I don't know) and I was 16 and he had no business hanging out with someone my age. He was lurking around waiting for his opportunity. When he found it was almost irrelevant except that he was afforded a very long span of time alone with me which is all the more unfortunate for me and lucky for him I guess.

Isn't it interesting and awful how we find these clues later?

Wow. This thread has tapped into anger that I didn't know I had, or thought I had left behind. I am angry. I am angry at him. Now that is scary as #### all these years later but you know what? It's about time.

L

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I'm so glad this was boosted up because somehow I missed it before.  This is something I've thought about a lot but never really got the chance to talk to anyone else about it.  I was raped by a stranger, so I know it at it was premeditated.  The question in my mind is: How long was he watching me?  He knew I was a babysitter.  He knew there were two kids.  He knew they were very young.  He knew the neighbors weren't home.  He knew there was a small "valley" he could take me to and nobody would see, even though there was a light nearby.  He had a car parked a street or two away so he could get away quickly (the police told me this).  I babysat for the same family every weekend.  So how long was he watching me?  All night?  A few weeks?  A few months?  When I was leaving my house to go there that night, a car was driving by my house as I was getting in my car.  They turned around at the cul de sac and kept going.  This isn't unusual because it's very easy to get lost in my neighborhood.  The unusual thing is that when I was driving down my street, this car was pulled over on the side of the road, and when I went past, they pulled out behind me.  I figured they were just going to follow me out of the neighborhood if they were lost, but now thinking back, could they have followed me all the way to where I was babysitting?  Could it have been someone I knew?  The police didn't think it was related, but I can't get seem to make peace with it.  So I don't know.  Because of the premeditation, though, I can no longer leave the blinds open at night, when I used to like to leave them open because I enjoyed the "mirror" effect it has.


((((hugs)))) to everyone and thanks for talking about this, it helps.

Jas

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I forget if you people know the whole story. I think I have only posted part of it on my site. My assault was very much thought out. It was five neighbor boys against me. I protected myself from putting together that it was planned for a long time. It was just too hard to fathom that my "friends" could come up with this evil plan. But I will never forget being in therapy and telling her about them coming up to my door. It clicked that this was planned. They had not only come up with this "game" but that they would have to trick me into going to their house. It is sad that anyone could do this to another, let alone plan it. It is horrible. It has profoundly affected my ability to trust, which is completely understandable. I have no idea what causes people to do this, I don't want to know. I just wanted to throw that out there that I understand.

Take care,
Kellie

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[quote]I am really having trouble thinking he planned his attack. It makes me sick. Does anyone else out there feel that their r*pe was planned? I am not saying it is harder or easier to get over just that this is adding an extra layer to the ickiness that I already felt about the whole thing.[/quote]
Sadly, Mine was very planned.  I posted my story tonight.
**T** warning on it.  I was gang raped and sucked in by the boys fathers.  It killed me  and The rest of me is still in bad shape years later.  You need safety and friends.  and Communicate!!
(soft huggs)
Dee

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<img src="http://www.millan.net/anims/giffar/fjeril.gif">

fly fly fly

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I can't remember if I replied before, I don't think I did. I remember wanting to and being unable to.

Until I read this I really never questioned whether or not it was preplanned.  I am going to have to admit that it was premeditated that he was going to try and have sex with me. Forcing me, I just don't know. Although he had previously said to me that I should leave him because he would end up r*ping me.

I really didn't believe him.

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I apologize for boosting this yet again...but...

I am writing here because after what Amy postsd about those awful pigs, it just makes me wonder. You know, what were they PLANNING? Pre-meditation. It just burns me up.

Maybe they didn't PLAN on attacking her but they sure as #### planned on scaring her.

How in the world do you work through feelings knowing that something was so coldly calculated?

If someone figures it out, let me know.
Michelle

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(((((((Shell)))))))

It is horrible to recognize and come to terms with the fact that there are bastards in this world who plan to scare and hurt people in ways that are of serious detriment to someone else's life, isn't it? I don't know that it ever gets totally figured out, but with time, maybe it hurts less, sweetheart.

I would like to move this excellent thread to "Wonderful Threads" and will do so in a couple of days.  I ask any contributors who aren't happy for their stuff to go into an open forum, to do an edit.

(((((((((((Shell)))))))))

Love

Lou xxxxxx

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((((((((((((Michelle)))))))))))))

*t*


My rapes have always been planned, i feel sick when i think about  them knowing what they will do that day or evening.
And i never know when they do it again, dont they have other things to do, are they really happy by doing this.
Even when i was a little kid, they knew where i would walk after school, they knew what  time school was out, they knew when i was home alone..
They raped me in my own bedroom when i was little, when my mum was out... So they always knew it..and it makes me feel sick..

Sorry if this was triggering..

Take care..
Love Maaike

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#Moderation Mode

[url="http://www.welcometobarbados.org/CGI-BIN/ikonboard/topic.cgi?forum=9&topic=38"]Moved here[/url]

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Yes, my rape was premeditated. I don't know if it was planned from before he even saw me getting off the bus, if he was just looking for a victim and chose me, but I suspect that was the case (well either that or there was something about me that made him want to rape, I think I prefer the premeditation theory).
He waited for me outside the museum for 2 or 3 hours, in the blazing sun... it's creepy to think of someone waiting there ALL afternoon, planning.... It came up in court how he planned and schemed to rape his other victims too, offering to help mend a car or give directions before isolating them, breaking into a house, or hanging around a hospital early in the morning.
It is hard to accept that it wasn't just a situation that went wrong, but that someone planned to do this, makes you feel less in control, but maybe also less to blame, as what chance do you have against someone who has planned to hurt you like that? Like Lou said it's hard to come to terms with the fact that there are people out there who can think and act like that.
katunje

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(((((((((((((((sisters)))))))))))))))

Premeditation. Just thinking about it makes me feel this rage to the point of nausea.  
Definately, I believe most rapes are premeditated.  Whether the violater ponders and plans his sick plot over a long period of time or whether he plans it just moments before, IT'S PREMEDITATED in my book. It's not like in manslaugher where we can say that there was a struggle and one person killed another, (although that's not what they wanted to do)....In rape...THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING!  I'm so freaking sick of society trying to analyze this and that and put the blame on the victim. I'm sorry for sounding so enraged, but that is what I'm feeling at the moment...please forgive me if this hurts or offends.  We are so often told to shut up! God, help us! I don't want to shut up anymore.  I don't want to feel this shame and guilt and dirtiness and fear. Do you feel like I do?  Or am I crazie?  I'm tired of being forced to pretend like everything is ok, tiptoing around and keeping silent, so we don't offend anyone or make them feel uncomfortable! Yes, he planned it and planned it well.  HE RAPED ME!  KNOWINGLY! CRUELY! BRUTALLY! Nothing I could've done that night would have made a difference.  He knew exactly what to do.  
He went out looking for me with a plan at hand.  I had told him I didn't want anything to do with him. I had told him to get lost. I had seen what he was really like and I knew I had to get out of the relationship.  I saw the red flags and got out.  But he wouldn't have it.  How dare I leave HIM?  When he found me at that restaurant, I'm sure he had a plan.  When he started to make a scene and I went out to the front door with the intention of telling him to please leave, he knew what he was going to do next.  When he dragged me by the hair and carried me forcibly to his truck and forced me in, he knew...when I tried to get out the other way and he grabbed me and began to beat my brains out and bit my face, he knew.  As I cried and screamed and he yelled obscenities, and told me that I was a whore and I would see what I was getting, he knew.  As he drove out of the parking lot while keeping me in a headlock, I'm sure he planned....he told me, he said, "you're going to see who you are fucking with! No one does this to me!"...he knew....When he forced me out of the truck and dragged me into my own home, he knew what he was going to do next.  And when he started to kick me and then raped me, while telling me he loved me,*tears*, he knew.  He carried out his plan. His plan was successful.  I'm so so sorry if this has triggered or hurt someone.  Please forgive me.  

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(((((((Lisita)))))))

Please don't apologize, love, there's no need. How horrific that somebody planned to hurt you in that way. You have every right to be angry. Rapists certainly do know that what they do is fair game for a sense of power and control they feel inadequate without it.

The blame belongs aquarely with him, the bastard.

((((((((Hugs))))))))

Lou xxxxx

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Thanks (((((((((((((((Lou))))))))))))))))))
Your support and the support of the others is much apreciated.  You know, it never seizes to amaze me how some people can be so dang ignorant.  And it breaks my heart.
Last night, I went and opened up to an older lady at my church wanting to seek counsel and prayer.  She said the stupidest things to me.  She said that something to the effect of, "you should pray and ask that God forgives you for whatever part you had to do with it, first...and then ask him to help you get over it."  I just sat there stunned, and the walls came up.  I regretted even going over there.  Another counselor came in at that time, and came and sat with us, and the first lady told her what I was in there for, without even asking me if it was okay.  I just wanted to die.  Thankfully, the second counselor was sweet and understanding.  She didn't even once indicated that I had anything to take blame for.  See, I have a good church, and most of the people there are great.  But then you have those few who are just plain stoooopid.  It breaks my heart.  She has no clue how this has hurt me...she kept asking, "am i helping you at all, hon?" I just looked at ahead and nodded.  She was like, "i don't want you to leave here empty." :sad:  Wow.  
The other lady helped.  She held my hand and reassured me as tears ran down my face.  I couldn't even speak. She just prayed with me and told me Jesus loves me.  She was nice.
It's so sad that we have to be put thru this blame over and over...people anylize this and that, without even having a clue.....

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(((((Lisita))))))

It's awful that you had to hear that; makes my blood boil! I am an ex church member who also heard that I should take responsibility etc.
I'm glad there was somebody kind there though.

The following thread might be helpful for you to have a look at:

[url="http://www.welcometobarbados.org/CGI-BIN/ikonboard/topic.cgi?forum=9&topic=30"]http://www.welcometobarbados.org/CGI-BIN/i...=9&topic=30[/url]

L xxxxx

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It is horrible and scary, that someone could plan something like that out.

As for me, the man who attacked me hid behind ice sculptures of the nativity in front of a church at dusk waiting for someone "right" to go by. Doesn't get much more pre-meditated then that. (He was even willing to do it at -30 degrees celcius in Canada!) Sick b*st*rd.

Funny, I never thought of such a thing as UN-premeditated assault.... guess I assume that they sort of all planned. I mean, you are having to knowingly do something violent to another unsuspecting person... that implies at least some planning to me. A lot of rapists I think plan A LOT.  

The cold knowingness and utter disregard for me as a human being really destroyed most of my faith in human nature.

God, I am feeling more anger now then I have felt in years... at HIM not ME for once!

((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))

Zoe

Boost!

(Edited by Zoe at 9:11 pm on Aug. 1, 2002)

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........
Crap.  Tried to type that it wasn't but it was, in whichever case I want to look at.  Oh, I'm SO annoyed that this stuff can be premeditated.  Sorry, my sense of humour has gone wry on me lately, and for some reason this is giving me a  feeling of sour sarcasm.  NOT THE POST, just the premeditating b*st*rds.

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If you stop and think about it, every rape is deliberate.  Every rapists plans his attack, some on women they know and some on those they don't.  But the basic premise is always the same, to control, to hurt, to demean, to have complete and absolute power over someone else.

7 years ago when I was raped, I blamed myself for being so naive and trusting.  For ignoring all the little warning bells that sang like sirens in my head.  My rapist planned his attack a week in advance.  He knew when my roommates would be out of town, he knew that I would be alone, and he banked on the fact that I considered him enough of a friend through a mutual acquiantance, so that when he offered to get together for an evening I wouldn't turn him down.  

Hindsight is always 20/20 ... I recognize now the deliberateness of his actions, the smug sadistic smile pasted on his face as his control over me grew.  It always amazes me to think back to that and remember how unaffected he was by me, as if I wasn't even a person.  Without worth ... that is the only thing I can think to explain how he has made me feel.  Inconsequential.  

But that is what they do.  As if by taking our value, they gain something through violence and creulty that they can't get anywhere else.  If that isn't deliberate, I really don't know what is ...

Stacey    

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this  topic confuses me, when isnt it premeditated?  Its not like you spilled your milk or something. opps look, there is a helpless naked girl on the floor, I guess I'll fuck her since shes there anyway...
you can't tell me that they dont think about it before whether its a stranger out searching for someone vulerable or a boyfriend thinking hes horney and his girl is going to give him some whether she wants to or not.
It really doesnt matter how much they planned it, they did what they did because they can.  There are no  "by accident" in violence and rape.  

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((((Hugs for everyone))))
This may *T*

I know my rape was premeditated.  I met the guy at the staff canteen I was working in between college and school, he was a member of staff.  He invited me and a friend to go out with him and his friends.  He called me the day before.  I won't go into detail here, that is for the Share your story forum.  But the next day, after he drugged and r*ped me and dropped me home.  I tried to call him, and the number he had given me was a payphone.  He had covered all his tracks.  I didn't even know where he lived or his surname. If giving me the wrong number so I couldn't find him isn't planning it in advance, then I don't know what is!


claire
XXX

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