Guest Rachel Pike

"Arr-ay-pee-ee"...spell and say

65 posts in this topic

(((((((Rachel))))))))))

You are truly beautiful..although I'm not sure dignified would really describe it - belly dancing funky mama. :)

Love

CA

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Can't say the word..never ever want to say it, can't even think it..especially in dutch..

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rach,

first and foremost, i am really proud of you :) you go grrl!!

secondly, i totally understand what you mean about the difference between vaginal & anal rape... i don't know if this will make sense, or if it's even applicable to you or anyone else here, but having experienced both i have a kind-of theory:

rape in general is about power - our power to consent is removed, and he gains power over us to make us do whatever he wants. but, if the rape is vaginal then you can convince yourself it was about sex, and (for me at least) that idea is a lot less painful. with anal rape, it is a lot harder to think of it in terms of sex... the function of sexual intercourse is reproduction, and you can't reproduce via anal sex therefore the nastier explanation, about power, is the only one available.

if that makes no sense whatsoever then i am sorry, and if it's complete and utter bollocks then i am sorry also. it's just the way it seems to me.

love & hugs,

tanni

xxx

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Rachel,

I am prouder of you now than I have ever been -- and you are still the dignified woman I knew, worthy of so much respect.  You are so far above the things that happened to you, dear one.  So high above all that now.

love,

Shaina

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Thankyou (((((women)))).....it was a little like taking out a splinter, and you think "ow, by christ this is going to hurt", and it does while you're digging it out...but once it's out it's not so bad.

But again, and this needs underlining, my latest naming would have been impossible, absolutely unthinkable, without your friendship and the the courage I've encountered in you.

Thankyou loves. Tanni my daer, I'm sure there's something in what you say....I don't know why it has seemed nastier; it just does.

I'm in favour of naming, but only if it's going to enhance in some way, and Shaina, you threw it open to think about, that sometimes this might not be the case.

Love you all, wonderful women

Rachel xxx

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(((Rachel)))

I'm very proud of you...and your are as beautiful, dignified, and awesome as you ever where.  I am very proud of you, hope you are proud of yourself too.

((HUGS))

Shannon

Hope you had a great Birthday.

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Rachel,

I have tears in my eyes.  I know that must have been really difficult for you and I hope that it has propelled you further along in your healing.  I know that I am impressed beyond words by your strength.

Rach, I am so honored to call you a friend, sister and ally.

Mistral

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hope its ok taht i bring this up again. i think its so bad how lots of people can jujst throw the R word around joking about crap. I mean i use to even probably just say it sometimes i dono if i was just being stupid. Its so hard to say it. I think its because there is the word "shame" is connceted to the R word. And it shouldnt be. Because we live in a society where lots of people say we ask for R--E then people feel ashamed that they let it happen. I dont even know if im making sense here sorry

((((racheal))))

btw i hope u dont mind if i added u to my msn list

Bel

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Belinda

You bring whatever you like up, honey.

Yes, while rape-survivors have such a terrible time putting the name of what they survived out, people bandy it around in jokes and stupid jingoisms i.e. confucius say no such thing as rape; woman run faster with skirt up than man with trousers down. Or in jokes it becomes something we all live for:  Old woman (spinster of course) walks into a police station and says "I'd like to report a rape! I'd like to, but nobody's been near me for twenty years". Oh. Ha bloody fucking ha.

It annoys me incredibly.

For me, saying it means conveying the horror of it.

I'm starting to think that ther's never been such a multi-faceted, problematic four letter word in history.

Love

Rach xxx

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  I stayed away from this topic on purpose for a long while..I knew what the subject was about. To be honest it frightened me. I just read what was wrote here and I am crying, crying and in awe of all the beautiful, smart, wonderful, women on this board. There is an inordinate amount of respect and sensitivity from all who replied.

  Rachel~ you have plenty of dignity. You are so radiant in all the things you do. I think it will be interesting to watch you just to see all the great things you acomplish in your life.. Your posts are so enthralling. It was so very brave of you to post those words. (((((Rachel))))) Thank you ~ emma

(Edited by emma at 11:04 am on Sep. 5, 2001)

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((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rachel)))))))))))))))))))))

My dear, you are one of the most dignified people I have had the honor to meet.  I am so proud to be able to call you friend.

I am also very proud of your for your courage to post about your unfortunate experiences with being raped in this way.  I have never experienced this form of sex in any way, so I can’t say that I know how you feel.  I can however tell you with every fiber of being that you have nothing to be ashamed of hun.  

You are an amazing and beautiful person, and NOTHING will ever change that.

Take care of yourself my friend,

Dana

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(((((((((Rachel))))))))).  I've watched this post since you started it hon.  Didn't know how to respond when I first saw it.  Lord! still don't.  I'll start with.....  You truly are an amazing woman.  I've read many of your posts.  I admire your voice, your beauty and your courage.  

"Arr-ay-pee-ee".  I never have said "That Word".  I'm trying to analyze, for me, exactly why it seems so hard to say out loud.  No answers yet.  lol.  Recently though, I have found I can actually type it.....  rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape.  And I'll resist the urge to backspace.  

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Michele! Yay for you, brave woman. Typing's a start, ain't it? Now, don't even think of editing...will you?

Thanks for your kind comments, honey. You too, Dootles.

Love

Rachel xxx

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I thougt I would boost this up to get any of the new ppl's thoughts on naming....also it was the last thread and I don't think I want it to die just yet

Love

Rach xxx

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i hadn't seen this one before, been away for quite a while.  wow, rachel you amaze the shit out of me.  you make me feel silly for being ever shameful.  though i know it's my own doing.  i've told my boyfriend the *R* word happened to me.  but i've never told anyone else.  some of my, o.k., many of my friends have guessed it, and i've said yup, it happened.  but the word is still so hard to say.  it's a huge chunk of stone in my throat.  a pile of mud on top of my body so that it paralizes me.  and yet, it's just a fucking word.  but when it applies to me, all of a sudden it becomes a horror story.  anyway i think you are amazing.  your strength inspires and humbles me.

take care,

hilary

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((((Rachel)))))

Sweetie you are one of the bravest and most dignified people I've ever met.  You amaze me more every day you have nothing to be ashamed of.  I'm so proud of you for saying what happened to you I know that it must have been hard for you.

(((((((hugs))))))))))

Love

Sasha

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******could be triggering********

Rachel I just saw this post for the first time this morning...I don't even know what to say.

I so admire your strength in saying what you said. I couldn't even bring it up when charges were pressed, and we went to trial. I never told the detectives, never really admitted it to anyone except for my counselor this year.

I was willing to admit I was orally and vaginally raped...but I couldn't allow anyone to know what else was done. I only allow that truth to come up in the darkest of night. At the time of the trials I would wake up in the morning and read our names on the front page (in north carolina the media printed our names once charges were pressed, even though we were minors!), and realize the whole world now knew (almost) every disgusting detail. This was just to much for me. How could I let the world know something about me that I couldn't even face. I think it's because of this that I haven't even been able to post the story of my rapes on this board. I have recently obtained some of the court papers, and yet I am unable to read them. It's like the words just float around in front of my eyes.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore...

Thank you for having the strength to say what happened to you...for refusing to accept the shame thrown at us all. I guess it's my dream to someday reach that point too.

nell

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(((nell)))

I'm sorry the words got thrown in your face so hard it's even harder for you to deal with them now...

Just know that having those words in your life, doesn't make you a hard person.

Having those hard words in your life, you still are a gentle woman.

take gentle care of you...

((((safe hugs))))

Els

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((((((((((Nell))))))))))))

my dear....I am so pissed that your name was printed in the media. How the #### can they get away with doing that? Especially to minors? It's unconscionable.

And isn't it funny sweetheart...I know what form of rape you are talking about, and I don't feel as though you, Nell, have anything to be ashamed of. But while I can write "those" words in a safe place like here,(and if it wasn't so safe I would not have done so, so I don't know whether it's a question of courage or of the kindness of my sisters) I don't believe I shall ever verbally utter them; not in relation to me. Neither shall I force myself to; I think Shaina had it when she said it's okay not to put pressure on yourself.

I find another complex area of naming in the context of rape, can be naming body parts. When I am strong, I can say, "he forced his penis in my vagina". When I am not strong, I go all mawkish and embarrassed, especially if I am in "child" mode. I will stumble over words....it comes out something like "he.....put his thing....you know..." or I will talk in terms of "private parts". I wonder if anyone else has this trouble?

Naming too, can be difficult in terms of abusers names sometimes. I still find it hard to uteer names; just "him" or "that bastard" will do.

(((((((Hilary))))))) you'll get there one day sweetie....I wish that goddamn horrid little four letter word didn't wield so much power...but it's not the word, really, it's the deed that underpins it, and all the pursuant memories and feelings. It's use of that word that seems to usher them in more profoundly than using softer terms.

Sash, thankyou

Love to all

Rachel xxx

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Rachel,

I love this thread -- so glad you boosted it up again.  

I've found, like you seem to have, that there are times when I can't say the right anatomical words.  It just feels too damned dirty to use the right ones.  So I'll euphemize...makes me feel freakin ridiculous.  After all, I'm an adult.  I have nothing to be ashamed of!  And yet, there I am blushing, stammering, trying to get the words to come.  And the names...that's hard too.

Nell,

It's unconscionable that they printed your names...and yet they do that here, too, where I'm from.  Every few weeks they write up new "crimes" in the paper, and if there's sexual assault, as often as not they'll have the victim's name as well as the perpetrators, like the victim is guilty too.  Makes me so mad.  I'm sorry you had to face that.

Take care,

Shaina

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I should start another topic...but as far as the media thing, a lot of people had a fit when they printed our names. The Editor in Chief at the News and Observer (his name was Claude Sitton) made a statement to the people who complained, "My policy is to print the names of the rapists as a way to discourage men from raping, and I print the names of the victims as a way to discourage women from making false accusations" That was years ago, and though he is no longer the editor, I have no idea if that is still their policy. But you have to understand, my friends and I were juniors in high school when it happened, and this made the news for months. (We were four girls hiking on the Appalachian Trail when 6 local men gang raped us). I remember praying that a war would break out so that the news of it would knock us off the front page. The reporters would show up a school, call at dinner, ask to interview the school officials, etc. Our school did basically nothing to support us at the time, but I will give them credit for refusing to give interviews on the school campus. The worst reporter (Bruce Sisciloff)was ruthless, reported everything...including the fact that one of my friends got pregnant from the rape, and had an abortion...quite a thing to have written about you when your trying to deal with normal high school life.

Gosh...I don't know where all this anger is coming from...At the time I just accepted the reporting, there was nothing else we could do. I remember sitting in court and watching the reporters scribbling away, knowing with shame that every gross detail I had just been forced to give, would be on the front page by morning. All the acts, the humiliation, all for 35 cents.

There would be tons of tv and newspaper people there, but it was only the news and observer that used our names...something I will never forgive or forget. I'm amazed after all these years I can still remember the reporter and editor's names.

Court itself was another joke. Truthfully my frineds and I never wanted to press charges, but were first lied to and then basically bullied and threatened into it...(it was election year, the District Attorney General wanted to handle our case as a way to get tons of free press and score votes)...and it worked he won the election...(of course we then lost...He had promised us huge sentences (double life, etc, and then in the end, he plea bargined our case away). In the states, if its a felony crime being prosecuted, it's the state vs. the criminal. The victim is merely a witness to the crime. Mid-way through the case we girls would have quit, but we were informed that we were subpoenaed, so if we didn't show up in court we could be arrested. Then during the trial, if we refused to cooperate we could be charged with contempt of court. It was a no win situation. 4 teenage girls, no one speaking out for them (I can't even touch on the this...even our parents decided denial that it happened was the best route. One of our parents went on vacation during one of the preliminary trials...truthfully we all basically went through the court scene without our parents)...

Blah Blah Blah...we got screwed by the rapists, the media, and the courts...

and I wonder why it took me years to be willing to face this...

enough...I'm lost now...mad, which is good I guess since I never felt much about it back then.

Sorry for taking this post off on such a long tagent.

nell

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(((((((((Nell)))))))))

I'm gald you got that out sweetie....and I have to say I'm fucking furious at Claude sitton and others who have re-abused you.

The only reason for you posting what you have in a thread of your own is to gain support for you...but until you do, I want you to know that I extend it fully

Love

Rachel xxxx

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Thanks for all of your support Rachel. This was kind of my chicken way of sneaking part of my story in, where it couldn't get too much attention.

It's odd how every once in a while I start to feel some emotions from all that past B.S.

nell

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((((Nell))))

Sweetie I'm so angry that you were treated so badly, they had no right to use your names.  It must have been so hard for you seeing it in the paper all the time but hon you did nothing wrong and you don't ever have anything to be ashamed of.  

Love

Sasha  

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((((NELL))))

Im sorry u were treated like that hun, tis hte oinly thing keeping me from court becuase society's view that to be raped you have to be bashed and hnave brusing and have to have a knife held to u is getting realoy pathetic

Bel

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