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When asked:  Why didn't you fight harder

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My answer would be:

It was a scary situation to be in and I did the best I could. I'm only human and I was just a little girl.

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Good answer 8888.

It's such an accusatory question. I've been asked it in a backwards kind of way and it

feels really bad. Like I'm guilty.

I'll try to remember your answer whenever I think about it.

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I've had similar questions. I did struggle and beg them to stop but didn't scream or hit, so obviously didn't try hard enough :(.

I've also had 'but why did you even go there in the first place'. That really hit a raw nerve and made me feel like the stupidest person in the world.

But I think one of the worst things I've been asked about one of my SA's when I said he overpowered me and I couldn't get him off was 'but you were wearing jeans! You must've had the chance to get away or kick him or something at some point before anything happened?' And then went on to say 'how did he even get your trousers off? Why did you let him?' Or words to that effect. Those questions still hurt me right to the core because I couldn't even give an acceptable answer. I ask myself those same questions all the time and it just makes me feel sick in my stomach because I still dont know how I let it happen :(

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I didn't ask this of E but I certainly thought it. He's a martil artist, a blackbelt taekwondo fighter, but still he was assaulted and beaten for 4 times. I couldn't understand how that was possible, but I had no idea how terrified he was... My God. It WAS his best friend, my brother, wasn't it? Why else would he not fight???

Edited by Bitterblue

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Why else would he not fight???

This is the question that all men who have been raped are asked, in one form or another. Sometimes it comes in an even more brutal form: "Why didn't you die?"

If you'll forgive me, it's the wrong question. Some of us did fight—and lost. Some of us froze up. Some of us panicked. Some were incapacitated by drugs or alcohol; or blackmailed; or threatened; or were opposed to the use of violence; or...

None of that is relevant.

The only question anyone is entitled to ask is this one, of the perpetrator: "Why did you rape that person"?

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Why else would he not fight???

This is the question that all men who have been raped are asked, in one form or another. Sometimes it comes in an even more brutal form: "Why didn't you die?"

If you'll forgive me, it's the wrong question. Some of us did fight—and lost. Some of us froze up. Some of us panicked. Some were incapacitated by drugs or alcohol; or blackmailed; or threatened; or were opposed to the use of violence; or...

None of that is relevant.

The only question anyone is entitled to ask is this one, of the perpetrator: "Why did you rape that person"?

It *is* the wrong question, isn't it? He said he was drugged the first time and he did fight but nothing worked and he couldn't explain why he couldn't do anything on the other times. He was so terrified. My God. I want to know why too. Why did they do this. He did not deserve that. None of you did.

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For me it was fear. Then dissociation set in so it would have been difficult to even mention until I was strong enough to speak out

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