Louise

"You're Lying" - Terrible Secondary Wound

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Posted (edited)

I am so sorry for that awful betrayal Sutton. So terribly sorry. I have learned that people are not always who they seem to be too.

You, on the other hand, are the real deal.

Edited by Hellothere
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It has a name! Holy wow.

My rape was drug-facilitated, so the aftermath is what I recall with the most clarity. There's so many examples that sure resonate with me from you, amazing humans of Pandy's, but what really got to me was a guy I used to fool around with years ago. I considered him to be a friend, so I confided in him shortly after my assault. His response was an attempt to coerce me into cybersex, stating that "I shouldn't let my rapists take my pleasure away forever", which isn't his decision to make, not to mention it was within 72 hours of said assault. Pretty predatory would be a good description of how it felt.

Another guy wouldn't take "no" for an answer at a work party. Took it upon himself to grab my ass repeatedly. More "no" from me, both in body language and firmly verbalized. He didn't like that, so he got drunk and decided to wait for me outside the venue, so that I'd have to face him in order to retrieve my car. (Luckily, a colleague walked me to my car and initially displayed empathy for me. It was disappointing when he later changed his tune, making excuses for the offending guy.)

A few other former partners and acquaintances likely mean well, but the ignorance can shatter me. Prior to this, I wasn't much for casual touching, I'm not touchy-feely, and I am a very petite female, so when some people stoop down and try to pick me up or trap me in a big hug, my first instinct is to use my "get off my lawn, damn kids" voice and clench my fists. (A guilt trip attempt usually follows...)

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Are you sure that you can trust your memories

I'll hurt you and lie if you tell

Come on, you can tell the truth, it never happened

you must have done something to provoke him

If it happened when you were so young, why are you remembering it many years later

Are you sur, you're just not looking for sympathy

People don't do what you say they did

why are you saying this, it can't be true

I raised you right, what did you do

firemen and paramedics are there to help people, why are you accusing them

;

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I lost my virginity to my mom's husband (I refuse to refer to him as step dad) when I was 11. I kept quiet, I knew my mom didn't have much and I didn't want to cause more stress than she already had so I just stayed away from him and their house as much as possible until they eventually divorced some 6 months later. I finally told someone 4 years later. I told my boyfriend and a week or so after I told him he asked me via text message to give him the play-by-play again, how exactly it happened. I thought it was weird of him to ask but I gave him what he wanted. A month down the road I was out with my mom, playing on her phone when I found the message he had forwarded to her. When I read her response I almost threw up. "Are you sure she isn't lying? We hardly had sex when we were together". I put the phone down and never said a word about it to her. I confronted my boyfriend though.

It completely broke my heart when I found out he had betrayed me like that. He claims it was for my protection, in case she ever considered getting back with him. it absolutely killed me when I read her response, but it made me feel better about my decision to not say anything at the time. I don't think I could have handled her not believing ME. To this day I haven't brought it up to her and she hasn't brought it up either.

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I lost my virginity to my mom's husband (I refuse to refer to him as step dad) when I was 11. I kept quiet, I knew my mom didn't have much and I didn't want to cause more stress than she already had so I just stayed away from him and their house as much as possible until they eventually divorced some 6 months later. I finally told someone 4 years later. I told my boyfriend and a week or so after I told him he asked me via text message to give him the play-by-play again, how exactly it happened. I thought it was weird of him to ask but I gave him what he wanted. A month down the road I was out with my mom, playing on her phone when I found the message he had forwarded to her. When I read her response I almost threw up. "Are you sure she isn't lying? We hardly had sex when we were together". I put the phone down and never said a word about it to her. I confronted my boyfriend though.

It completely broke my heart when I found out he had betrayed me like that. He claims it was for my protection, in case she ever considered getting back with him. it absolutely killed me when I read her response, but it made me feel better about my decision to not say anything at the time. I don't think I could have handled her not believing ME. To this day I haven't brought it up to her and she hasn't brought it up either.

It is a shame that your mother doesn't understand your attack has nothing to do with the sexual part of her relationship. I am so sorry that you had to see this. I had for many years a mom that denied the extent of what happened. She has only recently been willing to admit that it happened and I wasn't exaggerating.

This is what is horrible about CSA, SA, and R is that it is so personal, explicit and because done in secrecy, if we tell, we are often not deemed honest about what actually happened.

I hope that you are continuing to seek out sources to grow and heal. I have found the support on PA to be a comfort. May you find the support you deserve. Rain

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Posted (edited)

I was recently told that CSA is one of the worst traumas to survive, because it is generally committed and kept in secret. A perpetrator physically violates a helpless child and forces them to live in isolation with this terrible secret, or risk rejection from their only source of survival.

You have to believe that kind of evil will be punished, if not in this lifetime, then in hell.

Oh, and your boyfriend Ekasey - WTAF? I truly do not understand people sometimes. So very sorry that happened, and like Raingirl, I hope that you are able to find the support that you deserve now. Safe hug.gif if ok.

Edited by Hellothere
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I'll add my voice to that too, Ekasey. You didn't deserve to be doubted. I am so sorry.

Yeah, it takes a very specialized species of fucktard to commit CSA, or SA, even. Maybe I'm just naïve but how cruel can you get? But then to call someone a liar on top of it................shit. I've been there, complete headfuckery. My heart goes out to all of you.

I believe you. All of you, I believe you.

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Posted (edited)

"You've got to put these things out of your head"

"Did you think about calling the police" (IT was the way in which this was said - as if to say if I was telling the truth I would have called the police

"you have to let it go"

I get these ones all the time Edited by hopefulbib

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