linnea

What are your healing ACCOMPLISHMENTS?

146 posts in this topic

Dear Pandy family,

***poss Trigger***

Accomplishment number 1 for all of us - we made it through Sept 11, 2002.

It was a tough day for everyone. As usual, I have been doing a lot of thinking. We are always so critical of ourselves for not doing this and not feeling that or feeling this way too much. I propose that after getting through yesterday, we share a healing accomplishment - whether it was yesterday, last week, last year, or 10 years ago.

Can you look deep into yourself and see one thing that you have accomplished in your healing?

I know I can. (I will in a response)

Love you all,

Shell

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Here are my healing accomplishments:

I have broken the silence by telling my story here.

I went on to tell my story to some friends, my husband, and my parents.

I have started T.

I realized and believe that I am not at fault.

I have forgiven the teenage me since I blamed her for all these years.

I can honestly say now that I went through a trauma.

Anyone else? PLEEEEEEEEEASE...with chocolate on top....

I know  you all have accomplishments because I see them through your posts. Come on, don't be shy.

Love you all,

Shell

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At first I thought I didn't have any but now I realize I do have one.

I can now admit to myself that it happened.

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I have learned that "should", "fault" and "blame" have no place in my vocabulary.

It is better to hit a punching bag than a person.

That sometimes people do give a d@mn if I give them the chance to care.

That forgiveness in any capacity is possible.

That justice is often out of our hands, but is never escapable.

That sometimes just breathing in and breathing out are the hardest things to do, but I can do them under my own power.

I learned gratitude for breathing.

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Great Thread!

My greatest healing accomplishments are all summed up in the words of my favourite song below, but in my words...

1. I learned to understand what PTSD is and how it has affected me.

2. I learned to forgive myself for freezing when I was raped, and after too.

3. I learned that both of me, me and Zoe too, are different fragments of the same person and that neither of us are whole without the other.

4. I am learning to love her, and I hope she is learning to love me.

5. In therapy, I am processing hard memories and re-making the associations that  are making my life make sense.

6. I have broken the silence!

7. I can tell my story now in words, and have done it here.

I am proud of myself. Thats an accomplishment too.

Love you all,

Renata

The Night of Her Insistence

She finally understood it, the sadness of her life

The weight of her emotion, the gravity of light

She looked into the back of her mind

To see where she had been

But all she saw was a secret

And she could not look in...

All those years of waiting

All those years of trying too hard

All those years of failing

Pushed her down too far

She wearies of the geographies

That tell her who she is

She chokes on her philosophies

And all that she has been...

When she finally put her foot down

She put her fears down too

She left them by the back door

And through the night she flew

Away from her emotions

Away from the tricks of time

Away from cruel devotions

She left them all behind...

It was the night of her insistence

It was the day she found her will

It was the dream she’d always harboured

And harbours still

It was the night of her configuration

All the pieces finally there

And in that light of transformation

She...

Finally understood it

The sadness of her life

The weight of her emotion

The gravity of light

She looked beyond the back of her mind

To see where she had been

And there she saw the secret

And now she looked in.

-The Wyrd Sisters

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Shell,

Did I tell you lately that you ROCK and I love you?  (((hugs)))

Okay, accomplishments.  

*  I have definitely broken the silence....I found my voice, still strong within me, after all these years.

*  I've taken the leap and allowed myself to trust and reach out.

*  I've learned that even if I make an error in judgment and trust the wrong person and I get hurt, I won't die from it.  A person's reaction does not define who and what I am.  I can still try-and trust-again.

*  I've taken back some of my power.

*  I found the courage to begin therapy!

*  I have defiantly faced some of my biggest fears, monsters, and triggers.

*  I have recognized my own strength.

*  I have accomplished the ability to allow myself to hurt, be weak, be fragile...and to ask for help.  I have fought hard against the shame of letting my pain show through.

*  At the very least, on the darkest of days and in the midst of nearly unbearable struggles, I KEEP GETTING UP.  I stumble, I fall, I have setbacks, but I will get up and I will keep going.  Nothing can keep me down.  I have survived.

*  I continue to survive and grow....

((((safe hugs))))

Tasha

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I have accepted myself...  found a little caring for myself.

allowed myself to have fun.

allowed myself to cry.

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I have found this place and broken my silence. And met some great friends of course.:)

I have found the courage to start therapy.

I have learnt how to take time out for me.

I have started to recover memories about my childhood, good and bad.

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(((Shell-Belle))))

Wonderful thread! YAY!  

MAY *T*

1.) I have learned that not all people are out to hurt me

2.) I have learned to love myself- no matter what

3.) I have told my family, friends and husband and continue to tell.

4.) I have learned that I can accept help from others- and not ALWAYS depend on JUST ME

5.) I have learned to enjoy making love to my husband and to enjoy my own sexuality

6.) I have learned that its okay to get mad

7.) I have learned that I am STILL a cry baby and THATS OKAY!!!

8.) And most of all- I've learned I CAN BE HAPPY

Love to everyone

Amanda

In addition-

9.)  I am learning to not let people walk all over me

10.) I am learning to fight for ME

11.) I am learning not to be so afraid

12.) I am learning to communicate.

(Edited by SapphirezfuryRains at 8:08 pm on Nov. 23, 2002)

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i have learned to see the beauty outside

i have learned to live safely with my darkness

i have learned i can be alone with myself

most importantly(and maybe a little off the wall) i have learned i cant live without the special tender, silly and fragile love of a guinea pig:biggrin:

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(((shell)))

What a great question. I know I'm often too focused on how hard it is to do this, and what a terrible person I feel I am. Thinking about this has forced me into thinking about the more positive aspects of where I am right now. You are a true blessing in all our lives!

My accomplishments:

1) I have acknowledged that I have not yet dealt with the full effects csa has had on my life.

2) I have confided in people I thought would support me, and so far I've been right. (Or maybe just lucky?)

3) I've begun therapy.

4) I've acknowledged the depression was too much for me to handle, and have accepted medication so I would stay alive to work on this, much as I didn't want to.

5) I've better communicated my needs to my husband, and found outside info for him to start learning about  PTSD as it relates to me.

And my biggest one:

6) I've reached out to all of you, both to help and for comfort when I need help.

I hate asking for help.

Thanks again, Shell. Tasha was right -- YOU ROCK!

((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))

golden lady

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(((((((((shell)))))))))) you do indeed rock:)

(((((((friends)))))))))

ok. i'm not feeling very accomplished in the healing dept. these days but thanks for reminding me i have made some progress.

~ i have said the words: "i was raped."

~ i told my story to a counselor at my local crisis center and continue to see her for therapy.

~ i told my story to my sister.

~ i have stood up for myself when i was met with verbal abuse in response to my experiences, i have fought back and stood my ground, for the most part.

~ i told my mom i was raped.

i guess i'm getting there.

thanks, shell

love,

amy

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This is a really great idea.

My accomplishment was speaking about my abuse for the first time to a counsellor just two days ago.

~~Snickles~~

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ok so i guess i've made a few steps foreward...

i've started to deal with my depression (got meds but never talked about r*pe) of course now i'm about out of meds and i have to find someone to re-prescribe them since i lost school insurance after graduating.

told a few friends over the years.

started to talk about it with my boyfriend. well...started anyway.

(((hugs)))

hilary

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((((((((((shelly)))))))))                                                                 I learned to love myself and to give myself time to heal. I learned to trust people well still working on this one but i made a some progress with trusting. I learned that i'm not alone that they are other people know what i'm going through.

(Edited by ANIMALBEARS at 8:35 pm on Sep. 13, 2002)

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I have another to add (and also boost this because I know so many more of you have accomplishments and you are either ignoring me or being too modest - don't make me start listing your accomplishments for you ;) )

I disclosed to my online moms group!!! I did this on Sept 10 in honor of the anniversary that all this stuff came back to me. There are 79 members in this group and we have been together for almost 7 years! We got together in Feb of 1996 and we were all due with our children in Oct 96. They have been incredibly supportive.

Come on everyone, list an accomplishment. No matter how small it may seem, they should all be recognized.

And, no, I don't rock, I roll. :)

Love,

Shell

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This is so wonderful, to read all of you name your accomplishments.  It is beauty.  I admire ALL of you!  Thank you Shell for starting such a great thread! :)

Here are some of my accomplishments:

* When I was 14 I finally spoke the "secret" and broke the silence.  I am 23 now and have NO contact with h*m.

* I am and have been in therapy

* I gave and did a presentation sharing my eating disorder story and how I got help at a private high school with my friend and then Psychiatrist/Therapist!

* I have continued breaking the silence in NOT giving up, continuing to work in therapy and reaching out for support such as coming here to Pandora's!

* I am positively stubborn -- I REFUSE to EVER give up! ;)

~*~FaerieMoonchild~*~

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One more to add:  

(and *T* here for a smart@$$ violence)

I learned that it is easier to break an attacker's nose with a right hook than an uppercut jab.

I learned not to apologize for hurting an attacker

I learned that cops are cool about many things, especially when you take them out for good coffee.

I learned that anything by Pixar can be therapy, but only with hot chocolate and friends.

I learned to go ahead and let it all out... otherwise it festers and explodes.

I learned that even when someone you love dies, ,that they are with you when you need them most.

I learned that if they don't want to believe you ot if they don't want to help you, then they are not your friends.

I learned that the best girlfriends are made with strong hearts and weak margaritas.

I learned that rape is not the end, it only feels that way until you outline the rest of your story.

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I've realized that I don't have to be a perfectionist.

I've realized that I don't have to do it alone.

I've learned how to tell someone to f#*k off and why they should when they make me uncomfortable.

Heather.

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Wow...I have had so much happen in the past months.  I feel almost like a whole new person.  I'm experiencing a freedom I never knew existed.

I broke the silence with a friend I'd met at a retreat who happened to have gone through similar things.  That's when the healing started.  

I can look at myself as an overcomer and not as a victim.

I'm beginning to be able to go places alone w/o the fear of being attacked by the first male I see.

I'm beginning to work with others who've experienced *sa*

I opened up through my poetry on here.

Wow...so much more I could say, so little time....

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Cool post, Shell! This's something I think we all should try to answer :)

I have taken what was done to me and my family and turned it into a tool to help other survivors

I have forgotten my ex-husband for days at a time

I have gone back to school, AND I'M STILL HERE!!!

I can stand up for myself and tell judgemental/uppity/cruel people where to go, in a calm voice and with a sweet smile

I can love, and trust, again

Gypsy

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I've hugged a guy

I've awakened memories of my child hood and begun dealing with them.

I took a walk

I've begun writing again

I've gone back to school

I've stopped my eating disorder of 11 years

I didn't call him back

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wow, this is inspirational

I've decided that I'm not ready to give up and I do what to find out what the rest of my life will hold.

Acknowledged that my needs are valid and changed therapists when they weren’t getting met.

Asked for help for the first time in my life.

I've spoken about it for the first time and I posted part of it in My Story.

Been willing to witness the pain of other and mine too and use it to heal.

I started running again, no longer willing to hide behind my fat.  I'm coming out.

Gave voice to the frustrated rocker, I’m on my second teenhood.

Decided that I didn’t need anyone to give me permission, to tell me it was ok, to notice me, I decided to stop waiting for my life to start and live it myself.  It is for me, I live for me.

you go girl!

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it seems as though i have already been spoken for  --  you guys have mentioned just about all the things i am proud of.

but very specific to me, i have agreed to speak to the califonia coalition on sex offending, and share my story with them, and even have an apperance on national televison coming up.  even though i am scared shitless, i'm going to do it.

and i have found the courage 7 the faith to persue a profession that does not exist, creating it, allowing myself a profession where i can just feel the pain i feel & not have to fight it.

and i have found the courage to come back here.  i'm not hiding anymore.

Thank you, all of you!

Lilly

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