Lis

It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise

285 posts in this topic

ok here it is.......

1) it was my fult because i didnt fight enough

2) it was my fult cuze i had my short shorts on

3) it was my fult cuze i was the one who chose to run on that path

4) it was my fult cuze i went running alone

5) it was my fult just because

1) it really wasnt my fult because i didnt ask for it

2) it really wasnt my fult because i didnt fight back because he had a knife

3) it really wasnt my fult becuase i didnt know it was going to happen

4) it wasnt my fult because i didnt do anything to deserve it

5) it isnt my fuld just because

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1. It was really my fault because I answered the phone at 3am.

2. It was really my fault because I didn't leave as soon as he asked for a kiss.

3. It was really my fault because I didn't scream or hit him.

4. It was really my fault because I agreed to kiss him even though I didn't want to.

5. It was really my fault because I trusted him.

1. It wasn't my fault because I answered the phone because I thought someone might be in trouble.

2. It wasn't my fault for trusting someone I considered a friend.

3. It wasn't my fault for agreeing to kiss him that was not a consent for sex.

4. It wasn't my fault for not screaming or hitting I was in complete shock.

5. It wasn't my fault for not leaving immediately.  I didn't know what his intentions were.

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I haven't done this exercise yet, but I'm boosting it in honor of it being the oldest post found in this public forum. :) WOOHOO! Thanks for the idea Lynn. :)

(Edited by Cera at 9:11 pm on April 10, 2003)

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a small start, because this is very anxiety-provoking

-my fault because i was such a bad kid

-my fault because i couldn't do anytihng right

-my fault because i never said anything to anyone, and someone could have helped me

-my fault because i made him so mad

-my fault becuase i was so quiet

-my fault becuase i was disgusting

-my fault becuase i was a piece of shit and stupid and slutty

-not my fault becuase there is nothing a child can do that would make the abuse their fault

-not my fault because i was too afraid to talk

-not my fault because i was too afraid to trust anyone

-not my fault becuase he was sick and disgusting, not me

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1. It was really my fault because I flirted with him.

2. It was really my fault because I didn't stop him.

3. It was really my fault because I didn't hit him like I knew how to.

4. It was really my fault because I went in a dark room with him.

5. It was really my fault because I didn't scream.

6. It was really my fault because I was too innocent to figure out what was going on.

7. It was really my fault because he was only 16.  He was still a child, too.

1. It wasn't my fault because flirting doesn't mean you want sex.

2. It wasn't my fault because I was 11.  I couldn't stop him.

3. It wasn't my fault because I was too scared to fight back.

4. It wasn't my fault because it was a church, I thought I'd be safe.

5. It wasn't my fault because I was too scared to scream.  I opened my mouth and nothing came out.

6. It wasn't my fault because I WAS only 11 and I was innocent, and that's not a crime.

7. It wasn't my fault because being young doesn't give you the right to do thast to someone.

(Edited by choirgirl at 10:49 am on April 18, 2003)

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I haven't been able to do this exercise yet...but I'm grateful to those of you who have.  I'm glad this thread is here, and I will keep coming back to it until I can gather up enough courage for it.  Thank you.

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1. it was really my fault because i dressed provocativly.

2. it was really my fault because i flirted with him.

3. it was really my fault because i unlocked the door.

4. it was really my fault because i didn't go to my parents before the assault.

5. it was really my fault because i was too sexual.

6. it was really my fault because i had breasts and hips.

1. it wasn't my fault because my bathing suit didn't give him the right to put his tongue in my mouth.

2. it wasn't my fault because i was young and my flirting was my little way to rebel.

3. it wasn't my fault because i had no idea he was going to come into the bathroom.

4. it wasn't my fault because it was my parents responsibility to protect me and they knew about the emotional abuse.

5. it wasn't my fault because all twelve year olds are starting to be sexual that doesn't mean they deserve abuse.

6. it wasn't my fault because my developing body was not an invitation.

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1 It was really my fault because... I was wearing a  

 revealing outfit (skirt).

 It WAS NOT my fault because... wearing a revealing outfit

 doesn't mean that I was "asking" to be r@ped.

2. It was really my fault because... I parked between two  

  vans late at night.

  It WASN'T my fault because... parking between two vans

  late at night doesn't justify the r@pe.

3. It was really my fault because... I didn't try to kick

  them or scream to get out of it.

  It WAS NOT my fault because... one of them had a knife.  

  And everytime that I did struggle a little bit, they

  tortured me.

4. It was really my fault because... I went out late at

  night by myself.

  It WAS NOT my fault because... I needed to go to the

  store. I was not expecting to get r@ped in the parking

  lot.

5. It was really my fault because... I'm a believer that

  everything happens for a reason. I must have done

  something to deserve this.

  It WAS NOT my fault because... ???? I'm still trying to  

  figure that one out.

This was a good exercise to do because I haven't really thought of why it's NOT my fault... I've only thought about what I could have done to prevent it.

Thanks - Stefanie  

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It was really my fault because I'm naive.

It was really my fault because I thought I loved him.

It was really my fault because I didn't recognize what it was when it happened.

It was really my fault because I invited him over.

It was really my fault because I didn't enforce the word "no."

It wasn't my fault because I didn't know what his intentions were.

It wasn't my fault because he took advantage of those feelings.

It wasn't my fault because I couldn't believe what had happened to me, & I didn't understand what had occured at the time.

It wasn't my fault because I believed him when he said he just wanted to hang out that night, & he took advantage of my trust.

It wasn't my fault because I told him that I had my period, & he was too stupid to understand that THAT meant no.

well, THAT was cleansing.  thank you.

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Here goes, will have a go-

It was my fault because I was his special GIRL

It was my fault because I let HIM

It was my fault because I was naked in the bath

It was my fault because He said so!

It was my fault because, I wore a dress

It was my fault because, I looked like my Mother!

It was my fault because, I was a prostitute

It was my fault because he said I asked for IT

It was my fault because he said, "you are just like your mother, a bloody Whore!!

OK

It was not my fault because everbody says so

It was not my fault because, he should not have done that to his daughter!!

It was not my fault because, I was not my MOTHER

Ok, this one, I found really hard, sorry

Catherine

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Hi everyone... I am new to this board

But I just wanted to say that this looks like a great exercise and I will try it tonight in my journal.  Perhaps in the future I will share.  I think those of you who were able were very brave... its very empowering to read this message board.... I'm not the only one...

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it was my fault because i never told.

it was my fault because  "there was just something about me"

it was my fault because i layed in his lap wanting him to rub my back.

it was my fault because i had an orgasm (once)

it was my fault because i went with him.

it was my fault because i didn't scream.

it was my fault because i didn't fight.

it was my fault that i didn't tell and someone else got hurt.

it wasn't my fault because i was scared.

it wasn't my fault because i was 8

it was my fault that someone else got hurt.

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it was my fault cos i drank too much

it was my fault that i didnt scream

it was my fault cos i flirted w/ him a bit

it was my fault cos he mustve seen in me someone who could be taken advantage of

it was my fault cos i had an orgasm

it was my fault cos i didnt report it

oooo, i like these better...

-it wasnt my fault...my drinking doesnt give anyone the right to take what they please from my body

-it wasnt my fault...i dont know why i didnt scream...maybe i was ashamed to be in that position, maybe i was afraid noone would help, maybe i was so drunk(or scared) it didnt occur to me to scream(thats a hard one)

-it wasnt my fault...i have every right to flirt a bit, i still do it shamelessly today

-it wasnt my fault...he didnt see someone he could take advantage of, no way, he saw someone he could physically overpower

-it wasnt my fault...my body responded normally and naturally...i fought it w/ every fiber of my being. i wish id never recalled that.

-it wasnt my fault...i didnt want anyone to know, i wanted it to go away, if i drug it out like that it would likely never have gone away.  

yay!...lets try another...i may not be able to.

-it was my fault cos i consented to sex.  i didnt specify vaginal.

-it was my fault cos i stayed w/ him.

-it was my fault cos i continued to have sex w/ him. i shouldve known by then.

-it was my fault cos i never reported it.

-it was my fault cos i let him take advantage of me.

-it was my faul tcos i shouldve fought him harder.

jeezus, that was hard...  now...

-it wasnt my fault...vaginal and a. sex are two completely different things, different experiences, that require specific consent, not specific denial.

-it wasnt my fault...i was trying to cope, i denied that it was rape for a long time...i had to be in control, being raped does not put me in control.  i was coping.  i was surviving.

-ok, that one's hard...i guess i just hoped it would be different.  delusion doesnt make it my fault.

-it was not my fault...he was the father of my children, not wanting my source of income to go to prison(yeah right, im in texas)is normal

-it was not my fault...i didnt allow anything.

-it was not my fault...sometimes i fought as hard as i could, and if i didnt, i was terrified, or apathetic, not consenting.  im 5'1, 110-120lbs, he's 5'11, 200lbs.  not bloody good odds for me.

(ok.....i guess i post it now)

that was great, im gonna print it later...

-holly

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*my fault because I had never said no to him before

*my fault because I slept in my underwear with my butt to  him

*my fault because I let him go down on me and then didn't reciprocate

*my fault because I never stood up for myself in this relationship even when he abused me emotionally

*my fault because deep down I knew he was an ####### to women and I stayed in the relationship anyways

*NOT my fault because I was asleep and how was I supposed to defend myself

*NOT my fault because I said no 4 seperate times

*NOT my fault because he was my partner and he said he loved me

*NOT my fault because I was sick and that's ple3nty reason to say no

*NOT my fault because I didn't even want him to go down on me, he forced it

Thanks guys, this helped and I've wanted to do this for a long time!

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It was my fault because I went to live there willingly

It was my fault because I was too physically affectionate

It was my fault because I was too needy

It was my fault because I trusted him

It was my fault because I suspected him of hurting a friend and secretly thought she was lying.(I never told her so) I still went to live there.

It was my fault because I spent too much time with him alone

It was my fault because it felt good

It was my fault because I didn't leave the first time it happened

It was my fault because I didn't tell Child Protective the truth when they came to his house where I was staying

It WASN'T  my fault because I was a child

It WASN'T my fault because children need and seek affection

It WASN'T my fault because I had no place else to go

It WASN'T my fault because I had been threatened not to tell

It WASN'T my fault because he manipulated me

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1. It was really my fault because I touched him first.

2. It was really my fault because I trusted him.

3. It was really my fault because I locked myself in the room with him.

4. It was really my fault because I didn't know how to get out.

5. It was really my fault because I froze and didn't say anything.

6. It was really my fault because I was a bad girl.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was 6.

2. It wasn't my fault because He should have known better.

3. It wasn't my fault because I dunno.

Thanks for posting this...

Crystal Anne

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1. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have had THAT drink

2. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have gone off by myself

3. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have danced the way i did

4. It was really my fault because i should have fought harder

5. It was really my fault because i shouldn't have worn what i wore

6. It was really my fault because i should have fought harder

i know i've written one twice, but i feel it's very important. i'm really having difficulty with the 2nd part of the exercise.

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I don't have enough "not my faults" to do my rapes separately

1. It was really my fault because I went to a dark place alone

2. It was really my fault because, initially, i went with him willingly

3. It was really my fault because I had had something to drink

4. It was really my fault because there's a reason all these people chose me... it's something about ME that caused this and I played a part.

5. It was really my fault because I should've fought harder

Okay, in THEORY these are the "not my fault" 's (have trouble believing):

1. It wasn't my fault because while it was my choice to go to a dark place alone, it was not my choice to be raped.  Going somewhere alone was a mistake, I did not deserve to be raped.

2. It wasn't my fault because he should've listened when I said "no".  Just because I started willingly doesn't mean I gave him permission to go further.

3. It wasn't my fault because no matter how much I had to drink, it would've happened anyway.  What they did was wrong.  I should be allowed to have a drink... (should I?)

4. It wasn't my fault because it's not me it's them... (something to keep telling myself... Something I can't believe)

5. It wasn't my fault because they overpowered me.  The only difference fighting may have made is that I may not be alive.  I survived, that's all I had to do...(dunno about that either).

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It was my fault that I married the man who raped me and it was my fault because I couldn't stop him and It was my fault because I stayed and It was my fault because the cops could not help me. It wasn't my fault that my husband raped me and I never asked for it and it wasn't my fault period.

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It was really my fault because  I didn't run away when he threatned me that if I didn't get into the car he would hurt my mother.

It was really my fault because  I didn't try to get out of the car when he stopped

It was really my fault because   I let him touch me and I touched him.

It was really my fault because   I didn't tell anyone after it happened and I could have sent him to jail instead I let him go and let him sexually abuse other kids in the complex

It wasn't my fault because   I was a child

It wasn't my fault because   I was scared and belived his threats

It wasn't my fault because  He forced me to touch him and I had no control over him touching me

It wasn't my fault because  he was the abuser he is the one responsible for what he did

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This is for the second incident

It was really my fault because.....

It was really my fault because  I went to his house that night

It was really my fault because I didn't leave when I found out his mother wasn't home

It was really my fault because I didn't fight him off

It was really my fault because  I didn't scream I just lied there scared and numb

It was really my fault because  I should have seen what a sick person he was by his actions before the rape, how he would put me down and berate me.

It wasn't my fault because My mother told me it was and why woudl someone i love and trust say somethign if it wasn't true?

It wasn't my fault because....

It wasn't my fault because I didn't know his mother wasn't going to be home she was supposed to be

It wasn't my fault because I trusted liek before that me telling him no would suffice

It wasn't my fault because I said no and no means no!!!

It wasn't my fault because my mother was wrong in tellign me

it was my fault it is the fault of the person who deos it..

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Let's see, I am not good at this sayuing it wasn't my fault yet but I will try.

1) It was my fault because they were my friends.

2.) It was my fault because I didn't hardly fight back.

3.) It was my fault because they made me feel like it was.

4.) It was my fault because I didn't tell the police.

5.)It was my fault because I didn't press any charges.

6.) It was my fault because I didn't say no loud enough or strong enough.

1.) It's not my fault because they new what they had in mind.

2.) It's not my fault because I didn't ask 4 it.

3.) It's not my fault because I trusted them

            Sorry I could only think of 3 it's not ure faults. I am still having trouble beliving that it's not my fault.

          Later.....Silent1. :sleepy:

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1st time

1.It was my fault because I went in there with them.

2.It was my fault because I was flirting with them

3.It was my fault because I had the reputation of a whore because of one guy

4.It was my fault because I didn't fight hard enough

5.It was my fault because I didn't leave after they offered me money

6.It was my fault because One of the guys was my ex and 2 of the 3 other guy were my best friends.

It wasn't my fault because i didn't know that going in there with them that they would do something so horrible.

It wasn't my fault because ......

It wasnt my fault that I had that reputation people made rumors up about me that weren't true

It is so easy to think of ways that it was my fault but next to impossible to come up with ways that it wasnt my fault.

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It was my fault because i knew what he was going to do before he came back and i didn't leave (10 or not)

my fault b/c i couldn't get him off of me

next abuser; my fault because i didn't try to stop him

my fault cuz i didn't tell him no, 11 or not

next; wasn't my fault at all, i was asleep everytime....

next abuser; my fault b/c i consented at 1st; he was 22 i was 14, should have known better

next; my fault because any normal 14 year old would know to stay away from a 25 year old in a sexual manner, atleast stop it before a year was up

next; my fault cuz i thought i could trust my own cousin....i guess not though

-----------------------------------

not my fault because i was only 9 and 10, i didn't know what to do....what little kid would?

not my fault because he was 19 and i was 11

not my fault cuz i was asleep every time

not my fault b/c i told him to stop, and a 22 year old knows better than to be with a girl just turning 14

not my fault because a 25/26 year old should know better

than to be having sex with a 14/15 year old

not my fault cuz you should be able to trust your own family

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It was my fault because I followed him to his apt.

It was my fault because he asked if he should shut the door and I said it didn’t matter.

It was my fault because I had too much to drink.

It was my fault because I told him to just get it over with.

It was my fault because I opened my legs

It was my fault because I didn’t tell the man I loved, so it was like cheating.

It was my fault because he walked me to my car

It was my fault because he was short, I could have over powered him.

.......................................................

It wasn't my fault because I thought other people were going to be at his apt.

It wasn't my fault because I trusted him, so it didn’t matter if the door was open or closed.

It wasn't my fault because I was just drinking beer, like any other normal night.

It wasn't my fault because it hurt me so much emotionally I just wanted it to be over.

It wasn't my fault because if I would have told my boyfriend he would have literally killed him.

It was my fault because I wanted to pretend like nothing happened because I had to work with him the next day.

It wasn't my fault because he knew I was in love with my boyfriend, he was his good friend.

It wasn't my fault because I turned my head when he tried to kiss me.

It wasn't my fault because I told him no.

It wasn't my fault...  :(

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