Lis

It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise

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(((((hugs))))) Thought id try this exercise, bare with me. =)

1. It was really my fault because: I knew he was agressive by nature so i should have known.

2. It was really my fault because:I flirted constantly with him wks and mths before hand. ____________________________________

3. It was really my fault because : I was drunk and high.____________________________________

4. It was really my fault because : I initiated the sex.____________________________________

5. It was really my fault because : I barely said no, like whispered it so maybe he didnt hear me?____________________________________

6. It was really my fault because: He was drunk too i could have pushed him or hit him to get him off me. ____________________________________

1. It wasn't my fault because: He knew i had never had sex before and was suppose to be my friend.  ____________________________________

2. It wasn't my fault because : I couldnt get out of the car if i tried, he had those child proof locks on and mine were locked. ____________________________________

3. It wasn't my fault because :I was too drunk and too high to make any real decent decisions. ____________________________________

4. It wasn't my fault because : Noone likes to bleed,to have their head slammed against things, he should have known. ____________________________________

5. It wasn't my fault because  ____________________________________

6. It wasn't my fault because  ____________________________________

Sorry, i could only get out 4 of the 6 not my faults, im still lost on a few even if i know somewhere inside me that im sooooo not to blame. Anyways...((((hugs))))

Donna =)

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It was my fault because i let him get me drunk

It was my fault becuase i didnt fight him off

IT was my fault because i initiated it

IT was my fault becuase i knew he was a bit "weird" and i knew he was proablby capable of it

It was my fault because i was considering doing it then changed my mind

Itwas my fault because i should of known he was planning to do it to me

It wasnt my fault becuase I was too drunk to make a normal decision about antying

It wasnt my fault becuase i know he knew i didnt want to do it.

it wasnt my fault because he put me in that situation becuase i went there to see my friend

I cant think of anymore, I know deep down somewhere itwasnt my fault buti dont know half the time

Bel

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1. It was really my fault because

     I forgot to lock my door that night.

2. It was really my fault because

     I was too scared to say no to him.

3. It was really my fault because

     I let him in my house

4. It was really my fault because

     I should have stood up to him  

5. It was really my fault because

     I could have fought harder  

6. It was really my fault because

     I thought I deserved it

1. It wasn't my fault because

     I couldn't stop him

2. It wasn't my fault because

     I never asked him to

3. It wasn't my fault because

     Who in their right mind would expect someone to walk in their front door @ 4:30 am just because the door was locked?

4. It wasn't my fault because

     I didn't like getting thrown around my house

5. It wasn't my fault because

     I couldn't control him-because I survived

6. It wasn't my fault because  

     No one deserves that

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Here it goes.  My list

1.It was my fault because I moved in with him

2.I trusted him

3.I told him things that he used against me

4.Sometimes I said I wanted to sleep with him

5.I didn’t fight

6.I didn’t say no

7.I didn’t leave

8.I let him try to hit me

9.I believed when he said I love you

10.I didn’t go to the police

11.I didn’t ask for help

12.I did what he wanted me to

13.I didn’t scream

14.I didn’t tell anyone for years

1.I didn’t know who he really was, where I lived shouldn’t have mattered

2.Trust is not a bad thing, he tricked me

3.I never thought that someone would use the fact that my father doesn’t love me to make me stay where they could hurt me

4.I wanted him to love me, he only said it when I was doing what he wanted so I tried to make him happy

5.Fighting back would have only added more injuries, he wouldn’t have let me go with out a fight

6.Saying no wouldn’t have mattered to someone that tried using his fist to make me afraid

7.I didn’t leave because no one else had said they loved me, I want to be loved so badly

8.I ducked, he never landed a punch and that was all I could do when stuck living with him

9.I never thought someone would lie about love for so long and not mean it

10.I didn’t think that anyone would believe me after I moved in with him, everyone thought we were having sex before he raped me anyway

11.I didn’t know anyone that would help I thought that they would think I got what was coming to me

12.When I did what he wanted he was easier to live with, he would be nice and not try to hit me as much

13.No one was in the apartment but us, no one was there to help

14.I didn’t know how to tell some one about something that happened so long ago, that was so painful.

I can make myself say the I wasn't my faults but I don't really believe them all.

Thanks Jen

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Great exercise! Please, do post the other ones! Okay, here I go.

It was my fault because I went with him into the garage

It was my fault because I didn't run away

It was my fault because I didn't fight

It was my fault because I was young and naive

It was my fault because I believed him when he said no one would believe me!

It was my fault because I was there

It's not my fault because I was a child

It's not my fault because he was older than me

It's not my fault because I didn't know it was wrong

It's not my fault because I didn't know NOT to trust him

It's not my fault because I was innocent

It's not my fault because he made me do it, he intimidated me!

Yikes, that's kinda liberating!

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It was my fault because....

1. It was really my fault because
the first person I went with. the others because I opened the door and let them come into the house.

2. It was really my fault because
the first one I was stupid enough to go home with the guy I didn't even know him. the others because I believed their lies and let them come in.

3. It was really my fault because
I felt I deserved it for being stupid enough to trust him, and I felt like the others I deserved because I was being punished

4. It was really my fault because
everyone who found out about it made fun of me or told me I got what I deserved. sad.png

It wasn't my fault because...

1. It wasn't my fault because
I went with the guy first because I thought he was going to help me not hurt me.

2. It wasn't my fault because
I let the others in not knowing they were going to do what they did

HollyAnn

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It was my fault because…..

1. It was my fault because I never said 'no'.

2. It was my fault because I kept going back.

3. It was my fault because I wore those tempting things.

4. It was my fault because I flirted and initiated contact.

5. It was my fault because I loved him.

6. It was my fault because it felt good.

7. It was my fault because he wasn't old enough to know better.

8. It was my fault because I consented.

9. It was my fault because it keeps happening again and again so it must be something about me that's wrong.

10. It was my fault because nobody ever said that it wasn't.

11. It was my fault because I can't remember everything and if it was really that bad I would remember, right?

12. It was my fault because I asked for it.

13. It was my fault because I still love him.

It wasn't my fault because….

1. It was not my fault because I shouldn't have had to say 'no' in the first place.  I was only seven years old.  Besides I was taught to be a good girl and obey my elders so I never thought I had the power to say 'no'.

2. It was not my fault because children crave attention and love any way they can get it and sexual touching with him was the only affection offered to me at the time.

3. It was not my fault because since when are a little girl's panties supposed to be tempting?  I wore frilly dresses because they were pretty not to seduce or entice others.

4. It wasn't my fault because I was a child, dammit.  I didn't know what I was doing or what the touching meant.  All I knew was that I loved him and he was giving me attention.  

5. It wasn't my fault because you're supposed to love your family. It doesn't mean that it was okay for him to abuse me and my love and trust in him like that.  That fact that I loved him makes it an even bigger betrayal.

6. It wasn't my fault because I can't control my body's reactions.  Stimulus of the clitoris will provoke a response no matter who does it.  Besides which, I enjoyed the attention and praise he gave me afterwards more then the touching.

7. It wasn't my fault because even if he wasn't legally an adult he was still older then me.  Besides, he knew it was wrong or else he wouldn't have told me not to tell anybody what we were doing.  If he can claim lack of responsibility sue to age then I, at a younger age, am certainly not a fault either.  And just because no blame can be laid doesn't make it any less an abuse of my person.

8. It wasn't my fault because I was only seven years old and could not give legal consent.  Even if I agreed to sexual contact he should have said 'no' because I was a child.

9. It wasn't my fault because I didn't ask for any of it, and just because I was victimized once doesn't mean that it should be open season.  There's nothing wrong with me, and everything wrong with those who hurt me.  

10. It wasn't my fault.  I'm saying it now.  And others have said it too, but the only one who matters saying it is me.  It wasn't my fault.

11. It wasn't my fault because I was young at the time and might have blocked things from my memory that were unpleasant or too traumatizing for me to deal with.  Lots of people do that.  It's normal.

12. It wasn't my fault because I didn't ask for sex.  I asked for love and affection and praise and he gave it to me in the form of sex.  He could have given love to me in another form and I would have been just as happy.  Besides, I didn't even know what sex was, just that if I touched him certain places he would smile at me and pat my head.  

13. It wasn't my fault because I'm a better person then he is and have such a compassionate, forgiving heart that I can still love him.  But loving him doesn't mean I let him hurt me or abuse me again.  I can love someone and still stay far away from them for my own safety.  

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It was really my fault because I didn't scream.

It was really my fault because I shouldn't have lied.

It was really my fault because I shouldn't have had a boyfriend.

It was really my fault because I shouldn't have got a love-bite.

It was really my fault because I should have done as I was told.

It isn't my fault because I shouldn't have had to scream, I told him to leave me alone.

It isn't my fault because 13 yr old girls do lie, I didn't deserve to be s.abused as a punishment.

It isn't my fault because 13 yr old girls do have boyfriends, I didn't deserve to be s.abused as punishment.

It isn't my fault because getting a love-bite is not wrong, & I didn't deserve to be s.abused as a punishment.

It isn't my fault because I do not deserved to be s.abused as punishment for disobeying him. No-one can do anything to deserve s.abuse.

((((((Lis))))))  ((((((Thank you)))))))  Love Lea. :)

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It was my fault because_ I was stupid to go somewhere unfamiliar at dusk alone.

It was my fault because_ I was there to give keys back to a guy I went on a date with, and if I had stayed away from guys I wouldn't have gotten in trouble.

It was my fault because_ I froze when he jumped me and didn't fight well and didn't scream loudly enough.

It was my fault because_ Even when he let go of me to steal my stuff I didn't run.

It was my fault because_ At certain points in the rape I felt some sexual arousal.

It was my fault because_ I believed he had a knife even though I only felt something metal and didn't actually see it.

It wasn't my fault because_ Being on a street, even at dusk is not permission to rape someone. Maybe I was over-confident in my safety, but I SHOULD have been that safe, and a teenager can make that mistake. Also, rape can happen anywhere, I have walked down lots of streets without being raped - it wasn't the street that was dangerous, it was the rapist, and I couldn't know he was hiding there waiting for a victim to come by.

It wasn't my fault because_ Just being a girl who likes boys doesn't mean I want to be raped, or give anyone permission to rape me.

It wasn't my fault because_ I fought as well as I knew how. Later I learned how to fight better. I couldn't scream loudly because I had just been choked and I was frozen and that was not in my control, it is an instinctive response.

It wasn't my fault because_ I was afraid, and didn't feel I could get away fast enough to escape, and I am the only one who could make that judgement. I survived, and that is the important thing.

It wasn't my fault because_ This one is hard, but I know that arousal happens after some kinds of stimulation and it is not voluntary or a sign I wanted it.

#### his black soul! I hate that the most!

It wasn't my fault because_ I couldn't know for sure if it was a knife, and I still don't know, but a knife can kill and it was smart to be careful about that.

Also, HIS ACTIONS WERE UNDER HIS CONTROL, NOT MINE!

Thanks. That actually helps.

Renata

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my fault because i could've stopped it

my fault because i never told him no

my fault because i wanted to dress like an older woman

my fault because i would allow it to happen

not my fault because i was only a child

not my fault because i didn't know it was wrong

not my fault because he was the adult

can't list anymore not my faults..

"sleeping at night,

i was dead

i would feel nothing while sleeping.

but when i was awake,

i felt everything

all the innocence betrayed by one man's hand

all the trust gone out the window

by one man's touch.

one man could ruin it all.

betrayal is a horrible thing"  -May 15,1997

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It was really my fault because he would not have raped me if I had not kissed him.

It was really my fault because I allowed him to sleep in the same bed as me.

It was really my fault because I did not stop him when he touched me.

It was really my fault because my Dad says so.

It was really my fault because my mother was raped too when she was younger.

It was really my fault because I did not tell.

It was really my fault because I did not scream/kick/fight.

It was really my fault because I lied to myself and everyone else about it.

It was really my fault because I had a conversation with him afterwards.

It was really my fault because I had flirted with him on two previous occasions.

It was really my fault because I got drunk and I can't remember the details.  What if I'm making mistakes?

It was really my fault because I accepted his cannabis and if I hadn't been drinking I would have been more wary of him.

It was his fault, not mine, because he was 27 and I was only 16. He should not have taken advantage of my naivety and trust.

It was his fault, not mine, because I never told him he could have sex with me.

It was his fault, not mine, because I was scared and shocked, he must have seen this on my face.

It was his fault, not mine, because he left me in massive amounts of pain and I did not ask for that.

It was his fault, not mine, because he bought me alcohol and gave me his cannabis, which I had never smoked before, to put me in a state where he could use me.

It was his fault, not mine, because he knew exactly what he was doing, that is why he snook off so early.

It was his fault, not mine, because he violated me and I said no in the only way I could at that precise moment.

It was his fault, not mine, because no matter what else people may believe I should have said or done, he still raped me and he had no right.

It was his fault, not mine, because I did the very best I could to get through it.

It was his fault, not mine, because I couldn't shout or tell.  He was supposed to be a friend of the family.  A friend of my friend.  A nice guy.  I couldn't shout because I was so shocked.  I couldn't tell because I was in my friend's house.  I couldn't tell because my best friend was metres away in the next bed and I knew it would kill her.

It was his fault, not mine, because if it wasn't rape why would I be in so much emotional pain three years later.

It was his fault, not mine, because if it wasn't rape why would it be on constant replay in my mind three years later.

It was not my fault that I couldn't tell, because I knew exactly what reaction I'd get from my Dad.

It was not my mother's fault she was raped either.  It is always the rapist's fault.

It was not my fault I repressed the memories and immediately denied it to myself because it was the only way I could cope at that time.  I had no-one to support me.

Thankyou so very much for that exercise.  This is my first post and its a bit scary.  I have been struggling so much recently with self-blame, it has been such an eye opener to write it all out and apply some logic to my feelings.  I just have to keep reminding myself of reasons why it's not my fault.  Thank you so much for that exercise.  Sorry I've took up so much space.  I don't know where all that came from.  I think it was screaming to get out.

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(((((((((((rosie)))))))))))

Good for you honey, for finding all those Not your faults.

Every one of those points is so right and I am so glad you had the opportunity to tell yourself so, clearly.

It did me a lot of good too.

(((((((((((((safe gentle hugs))))))))))

Renata

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1. It was really my fault because I smiled at him, I flirted with him.  I said I don't want to have sex but we can still have fun.

2. It was really my fault because I drank all that he gave me.  I wanted to get drunk.  

3. It was really my fault because I took him back to the motel with me. What was he supposed to think?    

4. It was really my fault because I confused him.  I laughed and smiled when I said no.  I didn't give clear signals.  I could see the confusion in his eyes.  I didn't clarify when he said "you like telling me no, don't you?" I loved confusing him.  It was a game to me.  I did that with so many other men before.  I'd turn them on then tell them no at the last minuet.  it was a power thing for me.  

5. It was really my fault because I pretended to like it because that's what you're supossed to do.  

6. It was really my fault because my dad said that's what happens when you drink.  ____________________________________

1. It wasn't my fault because I said I don't want to have sex.  I told him that before we left the bar to give him plenty of time to decide if he was willing to stop He should have listened to my words and not what he wanted to hear.   

2. It wasn't my fault because there is nothing wrong with drinking.  My being drunk did not give him permission to not take me seriously when I said no.   

3. It wasn't my fault because even though I took him back with me, I had made it as clear as I could before we even left the bar that I didn't want to have sex.  He should have listened to my words and not what he wanted to hear.   

4. It wasn't my fault because I did say no....  

5. It wasn't my fault because I was very young and innocent.  I was curious about sex but I didn't want the first time to be with him.   

6. It wasn't my fault because drinking does not give him the right to keep going after I've said no.   

My god.  those reasons sound so fake to me.  I hope I can begin to believe them.  

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I'll give this a try...

1) It was really my fault because I stayed with him for over a year.

2) It was really my fault because apart from one time, I never really fought hard enough

3) It was really my fault because I didn't tell him his actions made me feel like crap

4) It was really my fault because I was his grilfriend and he had a certain right to do stuff to me

5) It was really my fault because I kept it a secret and didn't ask anyone for help

6) It was really my fault because for a long time I still loved him

7) It was really my fault because if it had been serious, I should have reported it

8) It was really my fault because I gave him the impression that he could get away with anything  he'd do to me.

9) It was really my fault because I was still to naive and in a way too innocent to be with a 20something at 14.

10) It was really my fault because I don't remember anniversaries...íf it had been so awful I certainly would remember it.

11) It was really my fault because not even my therapist could take "the abuse" seriously

12) It was really my fault because I tried to please him by losing weight and chosing the clothes and hairstyle he would like

13) It was really my fault because I gave up friends and activities for him

14) It was really my fault because I was complicated to handle and no non-abusive boyfriend would even have bothered to be with me.

15) It was really my fault because sometimes I wanted sex with him

16) It was really my fault because sometimes I would initiate things

1) It wasn't my fault because I had my reasons to stay with him...at first I didn't acknowledge that what he was doing was wrong, when I had no choice but to admit it, I was already too scared of what he might do if I left him...and after he had done the worst I could imagine, there was not much of a point to leave him, it didn'tr even matter anymore.

I recently read something that I really like "There may be many reasons fo staying in an abusive relationship. But these do not *cause* the abuse"...not MY fault....HIS...

2) It wasn't my fault because I knew that the more I fought, the more violently he would become...there was just no sense fighting someone who was way stronger and didn't even care about what i wanted or not.

3) It wasn't my fault because I only gave up talking about this with him when I saw that there was no sense in it. And crying and begging him to stop don't look a lot like signs of consent even for a moron like him either. Also, even without me telling him so a lot of the stuff he did was so visibly *not* right.

4) It wasn't my fault because being his girlfriend doesn't mean I was his property. He would had have top respect my boundaries or look for someone else...it was not my job to submit to whatever he wanted.

5) It wasn't my fault because I was ashamed and confused and didn't want to cause him problems. Plus, it was just so unbelievable that I didn't even find the words for myself, let alone to tell anyone.

6) It wasn't my fault because it is normal to love your partner...whereas it is not normal to abuse a partner who you pretend to love.

7) It wasn't my fault because there are 328i618306 reasons for not reporting it and I still think it was better for me this way. Not reporting it *after* it happened doesn't say a lot about it being my fault *before* and *while* it happened anyway.

8) It wasn't my fault because no matter what I said or did before and no matter how long I'd been in this relationship, that doesn't give him the right to rape me.

9) It wasn't my fault because I was not too young for a *normal* relationship...being so trusting and naive just is a sign of not enough experience in dealing with such a situation...which I couldn't possibly have before having to go through it

10) It wasn't my fault because remembering anniversaries has nothing to do with where the blame belongs. Apart from that, I'm famous for forgetting dates and I had a bit too much going on in my life to suddenly pay special attention to dates...and too much has happened to pinpoint the time of every event.

11) It wasn't my fault just because my moron of a therapist has no clue

12) It wasn't my fault because he had reduced my self esteem to nothing...hey, I got beaten for having a hair colour he didn't like...and trying to please him in no way made me so irresistible that he couldn't stop himself

13) It wasn't my fault because giving up what I liked so that my life would revolve around him doesn't mean he has the right to abuse me...I did that mostly to stop him being jealous of everything and to avoid his "punishment" for not caring anough for him

14) It wasn't my fault because what was so complicated about me was: depression, suicidality, SI, eating disorders and stuff...I think someone might play a significant role in the stuff he complained about

15) It was not my fault because wanting sex with your partner is a normal thing and it doesn't mean that you also want to be part of his disgusting games.

16) It wasn't my fault because if I could satisfy him in a way that was tolerable for me, at least he would not get any worse ideas...when I initiated it, I had at least a tiny bit of control.

Only a while ago, I would have believed the "not my faults"...I just can't right now...

Art

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********T********

Wow! It's really amazing, i looked through this book when i was volunteering at a Safehouse. (I had come out as a survivor of c.a. but was still minimising all my s.a.'s)

Now that i see this again, i want to go get the book again...

Anyway, for my own safety, i've done these as pairs instead of building up the faults & back down the nots.

It was really my fault, because i should have known from the ad.

It was NOT my fault, because "open-minded" does NOT mean "rapable"

It was really my fault, because i've always been too needy.

It is NOT my fault that predators pick out the weak. (Besides, i'm noe weak now, and i'm still needy...)*

It was really my fault, because i misbehaved, and deserved punishment.

It was NOT my fault, because pain is never appropriate as punishment.

*& it's not even my fault i'm needy!!!!!

I still find it easier to believe the faults...i'll have to memorise the nots, i never think them, but the faults keep flying by like banners behind little airplanes...

Thanks.

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1. It was really my fault because I eventually promoting it

2. It was really my fault because I had an orgasm. I must have wanted it

3. It was really my fault because I never said no

4. It was really my fault because I had an erection. It must have felt good to me.

5. It was really my fault because my father said he was partially to blame

6. It was really my fault because I never told anybody

1. It wasn't my fault because  I thought it was nomal & felt it was too late by the time I realised it wasnt.

2. It wasn't my fault because  my body responded. My body did what it was supposed to do. It wasn't my fault

3. It wasn't my fault because   I didnt understand what was happening

4. It wasn't my fault because  Penises are supposed to respond to touch. I had an erection because my abuser stimulated me sexually, not because I wanted to be abused

5. It wasn't my fault because  I was an innocent child when it began & he betrayde my trust

6. It wasn't my fault because  I was told not to tell by my father.  Instead I would tell mum something else that he has done wrong.  The reation was always anger toward me & she would say I am exaggerating or imagined it.

7. It wasnt my fault becouse he made it into a seamingly inocent game.

8  It wasnt my fault because over a prolonged period it became the norm and I didnt know it any other way.

I want to thank you for showing us this exersize.  I always ran through all of these in my mind but its less confusing and has more substance when in writing.

(Edited by John L at 11:18 pm on Jan. 4, 2003)

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I'll try my hand at this. Hopefully I'll start to believe the "it's not my fault" part VERY soon.

1. It was really my fault because I left the door unlocked

2. It was really my fault because I said yes when he told me to pull my pants down.

3. I didn't recognize it as sexual abuse until 14 years later, last year. I've kept it in the back of my head for years.

4. I don't feel anger or anything towards my abuser.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was 4. I hadn't learned behaviors about locking doors yet (I guess).

2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't know there was any real danger in the phrase "pull your pants down." And he didn't give me a choice.

3. It wasn't my fault because I kept it in the back of my mind because I couldn't start to deal with it any earlier than I did.

4. It wasn't my fault because I don't feel any anger at my abuser because I'm just not at that stage of healing yet.

I hope I didn't sound stupid writing this.

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You know...I have read every single post on here. As soon as I saw this thread...I knew I'd be in trouble...and I am. I have tried numerous times to do this exercise and I'm ashamed to say...I can't think of any reasons why it wasn't my fault. I mean...any of it. I tried it with the instances of my CSA. I tried it with my assaults in college, after college, with J. I even tried to do this exercise thinking of my last attack. I'm just stuck. I'm saddened to say that I CAN'T do it. I'm usually so quick to reply to threads, but this one is just completely out of my grasp. I know I'm angry about it too. I just can't figure out if I'm mad at me or them. Every time I try to think of why it's not my fault...I cut myself off, afraid of...making excuses....see? Like I said...totally out of my grasp. I'll continue to work on it though.

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(((((Francesca)))))

I haven't done the assignment either, but why not write down the reasons why it was your fault and then pretend you telling someone else why it wasn't "their" fault...

If that doesn't help, pm the reasons why you think it's your fault to me and I'll tell you why it wasn't, but you have to promise to actually really read it and not reject and object to what I say... :)

Luv,

Mouseisa

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((((((Mouseisa))))))

I'll try. Thank you. :)

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It was really my fault because I was somewhat promiscuous.

It was really my fault because I was a flirt.

It was really my fault because I agreed to take a walk with him.

It was really my fault because when his friends ambushed me, I wasn't scared, just uncomfortable.

It was really my fault because I submitted.

It was really my fault because I didn't scream.

It was really my fault because I wasn't battered.

It was really my fault because their lawyers said so.

It was really my fault because they had a not-guilty verdict (what more f*cking proof is there)

It wasn't my fault. My sex life is my choice, and being promiscuous does not make my body a free-for-all.

It wasn't my fault. Flirting is normal behaviour, even encouraged in women's magazines.

It wasn't my fault. Going for a walk with a casual aquaintance at 5pm after work is socializing and needs no justification.

It wasn't my fault. I had never been in a situation like it before and quite honestly, it took me a while to register with what was actually going on. It's not something one expects to happen.

It wasn't my fault. There were eight or nine of them altogether (not sure) and only one of me. I am not a sumo wrestler. I had no choice.

It wasn't my fault. Those a**holes were making no effort to be discreet, so obviously a scream wasn't going to attract attention.

It wasn't my fault. I never claimed to be the victim of physical violence which does not necessarily go hand in hand with rape.

It wasn't my fault. The lawyers were paid good money to defend that scum.

It wasn't my fault. The legal system is f*cked and conviction rates in Australia are woefully low (still strugglin with this one)

(Edited by Eye of the Tiger at 4:33 am on Jan. 10, 2003)

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It was really my fault because.........I Drank

It was really my fault because ........I stayed at my friends home.

It was really my fault because.........I trust so easy.

It was really my fault because..........I passed out, and didn't say STOP!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't my fault because I was........Old enough to drink.

It wasn't my fault because I was.......I planned on staying at my friends house, because I we were going to drink, and stay safe. And her foster brother wasn't included in our plans.

It wasn't my fault because.......I never had a reason to miss trust her brother. (I am 45, he is only 23)

It wasn't my fault because I was.......never given a chance to say STOP!

MJ

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Allright...this exercise has been popping out at me all day.  Maybe it's a sign...There's a cerain amount of discomfort here, but what the heck.  This might make me feel better.  This could take awhile...

For my first instance of abuse:

1.It was my fault because I didn't say no.

2.It was my fault because I was a bad girl

3.It was my fault because I let it happen

4.It was my fault because I didn't tell

1.It wasn't my fault because I was just a child & didn't know better

2.It wasn't my fault because I wasn't a "bad girl".  How can a 6-year-old deserve abuse?

3.It wasn't my fault because I WAS ONLY SIX.  How could I stop it?

4.It wasn't my fault because I was too scared & ashamed to tell.

For the next time:

1.It was my fault because I trusted him & didn't fight

2.It was my fault because I'm a whore

3.It was my fault because I didn't stop it

1.It wasn't my fault because my trust was violated.  I never expected my own brother to hurt me; why would I?

2.It wasn't my fault because I'm NOT a whore

3.It wasn't my fault because I disassociated & wasn't able to stop it.

For my first rape:

1.It was my fault because I went along with it in the beginning.

2.It was my fault because I didn't fight harder

3.It was my fault because I had fooled around with him before.

4.It was my fault because I let it happen.

1.It wasn't my fault because I told him to stop.  That should've been respected.

2.It wasn't my fault because I was too terrified to fight.

3.It wasn't my fault because nothing that happened between us prior to the rape gave him free reign over my body.

4.It wasn't my fault because I did all I could to stop it.  I said told him to stop.  

For my next one:

1.It was my fault because my body responded.

2.It was my fault because I didn't fight.

3.It was my fault because I had been abused before

4.It was my fault because I didn't tell anyone.

1.It wasn't my fault because I couldn't help that & my body's response doesn't mean that I liked it or that it was wanted.

2.It wasn't my fault because I disassociated.  It wasn't my fault because he used physical force.  He choked me & once he had a knife.

3.It wasn't my fault because none of the previous abuse was my fault.

4.It wasn't my fault because I was too terrified to tell anyone.

For my date-rapes:

1.It was my fault because I wore revealing clothes.

2.It was my fault because I drank.

3.It was my fault because I led them on.

4.It was my fault because I trusted them.

1.It wasn't my fault because the clothes I chose didn't give anyone free reign over my body.

2.It wasn't my fault because the fact that I drank didn't give them the right to use me.  In one instance I was passed out, & in the other, I said no, & tried to get him off me.  That should've been respected.

3.It wasn't my fault because no matter what happened prior to this, it didn't give them the right to do this.

4.It wasn't my fault because I shouldn't be punished for trusting others.

For my most recent rape:

1.It was my fault because he warned me.

2.It was my fault because I owed it to him.

3.It was my fault because I let it happen.

4.It was my fault because I didn't fight.

1.It wasn't my fault because he knew I didn't want to have sex.  It should've been respected.  It's still rape even though I "should've expected it".  The warning was part of the mental & emotional abuse I was forced to endure.

2.It wasn't my fault because I didn't owe him jack-shit, especially my body.

3.It wasn't my fault because he damaged me so much mentally & emotionally that I didn't think I had a choice.

4.It wasn't my fault because I was far too terrified of him to fight.  I knew he had a violent history.

That...was draining.

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