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It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise

285 posts in this topic

It was my fault because... I didn't tell so it kept happening.

It was my fault because... I liked that he paid attention to me.

It was my fault because... It sometimes felt good.

It was my fault because... It always felt like it was my fault.

It wasn't my fault because... I was 3 when it started.

It wasn't my fault because... I didn't know what sex was.

It wasn't my fault because... It is suppose to feel good.

It wasn't my fault because... what does a little kid know about whose fault it is.

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*Possible Triggers*

Reasons why I think it was my fault

1. It was my fault because I was a slut

2. It was my fault because I was flirty and went out of my way to flirt with strangers

3. It was my fault because I was drunk

4. It was my fault because I instigated having sex with him a few hours before

5. It was my fault because I was in a foreign country and I should have been more careful

6. It was my fault because I went back to his house and consented to have sex with him

7. It was my fault because we didn't speak the same language so there was communication difficulties

8. It was my fault because I started all of it

9. It was my fault because I didn't care if I got hurt

10. It was my fault because I didn't put up enough of a fight

11. It was my fault because I didn't scream

Reasons why it's actually not my fault

1. It doesn't matter if I was slutty people are allowed to have sex with many people if that's what they want to do, I didn't realize at the time that for me this was a destructive habit caused by mental difficulties that I really got no pleasure from at all.

2. It doesn't matter if you flirt with someone that doesn't mean they can do that.

3. That doesn't make it okay either.

4. You have to consent every time not just once.

5. I shouldn't have to be careful, people should just not rape.

6. I did consent to have sex with him, but I didn't consent to have sex with his two friends who came in the room while we were having sex. He invited them to have sex with me and ignored my protests. When it came to his turn again, he was then having sex with me without my consent and should have known by how much I was struggling and trying to get out of the situation. I didn't consent to group sex or oral sex.

7. You don't have to speak the same language to understand what crying means.

8. I started it but it should have stopped when I didn't want it to continue.

9. I didn't care if I got hurt because I didn't realise how lucky I was to be me and I didn't know what it was really like to get hurt.

10. It was three against one and I was drunk and it was dark so i thought there was even more, plus I was being pinned tightly down and felt like I couldn't move, and they were on all sides of me.

11. To be honest I don't remember if I screamed or not.

Edited by abiegg

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Hello, i am new to this website and thing and i just thought id say that this is the first time that i have ever attempted to talk about what has happened to me so its alot for me to find this site and reach out for the help i now know i have denied but have accepted that i need. Although i dont think i will get any farther than this website. Im not really sure how this works but i found this topic and have openly tried it and i dont think i can fully do it but reading other peoples has made me feel a little better

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For over 30 years I believed it was my fault so I will not write those statements. But ...... It was not my fault-

1. It is not my fault in 1979 how could I know a woman could be a rapist?

2. It's not my fault how could I know a teacher and coach who seemed so nice could be so evil?

3. It was not my fault that I believed her threats..... even tho now it makes no sense.

4. It was not my fault that she tricked me and the horror of her touching me made me freeze and not be able to move or talk during assault ..... it wasn't a choice I wanted to fight and run.

5. It wasn't my fault that I loved my mother and wanted more than anything to protect her from what R threatened.

6. Not my fault I complied with her demands.

7. It's not my fault that I tried to have an O quick to make it end after the first R.

8. It was not my fault that she was evil, manipulative, narcissistic bitch.

9. NONE OF IT WAS MY FAULT!

Elaina

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I was going to wait to post to this thread, but my heart's telling me I need to do this to start taking the dressing off of these wounds, so here goes:

  1. It was my fault because I'd been drinking to excess.
  2. It was my fault because I didn't say no.
  3. It was my fault because I was in a relationship with him.
  4. It was my fault because I trusted them.
  5. It was my fault because I never reported any of them.
  6. It was my fault because I let it happen.
  7. It was my fault because I put myself in those situations.
  8. It was my fault because I should've known better.
  9. It was my fault because I was wearing club clothes.
  10. It was my fault because I didn't fight back.
  1. It wasn't my fault because I was too drunk to walk straight and could barely talk.
  2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't consent.
  3. It wasn't my fault because coercion and threats are not consent and aren't a healthy relationship.
  4. It wasn't my fault because they abused my trust.
  5. It wasn't my fault because I told my mother (who didn't believe me) and I've seen the results of reporting rape in my own town. The victim is almost always put on trial, and I was looking out for my mental health and well being.
  6. It wasn't my fault because being too drunk or too afraid to say no isn't consent.
  7. It wasn't my fault because I didn't put myself in any situation, other people took advantage of me.
  8. It wasn't my fault because I can't control the actions of others.
  9. It wasn't my fault because it doesn't matter what I was wearing.
  10. It wasn't my fault because if I'd fought back, I might've ended up beaten or worse instead of sitting here, trying to heal and raising a beautiful child.
Edited by AstroHarp

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1. It was really my fault because I went to the fraternity party willingly.
2. It was really my fault because I drank an excessive amount of alcohol.
3. It was really my fault because I liked how the first guy wanted to dance with me.
4. It was really my fault because I followed him upstairs.
5. It was really my fault because after the first incident, I followed the second guy downstairs to an empty room.
6. It was really my fault because I felt wanted by two different guys.
1. It was not my fault because I didn't know what I was doing.
2. It was not my fault because I was drunk.
3. It was not my fault because I didn't know what I was doing.
4. It was not my fault because I was drunk.
5. It was not my fault because I was drunk.
6. It was not my fault because I was drunk.

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1. It was really my fault because I originally consented.

2. It was my fault because I didn't fight enough, or scream.

3. It was my fault because I should have stayed home that night.

4. It was my fault because I shouldn't have been under the influence.

5. It was my fault because my ignorance regarding r*pe, kept me from realizing what happened to me so I didn't tell immediately.

6. It was really my fault because all this pain i feel, this numbness that won't go away I caused it. Its like every one around me expects me to be okay. I'm not I feel trapped by my own words. Some days i wish i kept it to myself...

1. It wasn't my fault because I was under the influence.

2. It wasn't my fault because even though I initially consented I still said stop.

3. It wasn't my fault because from the beginning I made it clear in more ways than one that I wasn't into it.

3. It wasn't my fault because he ignored me.

4. It wasn't my fault because I tried to push him away from me but I couldn't, and all I could do was take it.

5. It wasn't my fault because I did not like it.

6. It wasn't my fault because I acknowledged that what he did to me was wrong.

7. It isn't everyone's fault because they don't get it, I think they're selfish but perhaps they just don't understand. I'm in this dark place and I can't force them to be here with me. I just wish I could be the old me without pretending to be, I wish I could actually move on and not have to try to just so others won't treat me any differently or distance themselves when I need them the most. I feel so vulnerable and hopeless... I often think it really is my fault and the people around me don't help this feeling subside.

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Having some jitters as it has been 30 years today from the first attacks, so here goes.

1st attack -

1) It was really my fault because I let him touch me in the past.

2) It was really my fault because I trusted him.

3) It was really my fault because I orgamsed.

4) It was really my fault because I didn't fight enough.

1) It wasn't my fault because even though we had experimented in the past, I said no, I screamed no this time. I didn't want it and he knew, he just ignored my screaming and pleas.

2) It wasn't my fault because he betrayed my trust.

3) It wasn't my fault because my body reacted naturally to being physically manipulated.

4) It wasn't my fault because I did fight. I tried to kick, I screamed - he knew that I didn't want to participate and ignored me anyway.

2nd attack -

1) It was really my fault because I was drinking/drunk.

2) It was really my fault because I stayed the night.

3) It was really my fault because I accepted that it happened and I was a willing participant.

4) It was really my fault because I flirted shamelessly.

1) It wasn't my fault because I was unable to make that decision. I had been drinking for a while and at some point passed out.

2) It wasn't my fault because I erred on the side of caution. I was too drunk to drive and asked to sleep in his other bed. I trusted that nothing would happen, but that trust was betrayed.

3) It wasn't my fault because he took advantage of my condition and trust. Had I been sober I would have never made that decision.

4) It wasn't my fault because it was/is still my call. If I say no, it means no.

#3

1) It was really my fault because I initiated the meeting.

2) It was really my fault because my body responded.

3) It was really my fault because he thought my no meant yes.

4) It was really my fault because I thought I met another person who would respect my boundaries and needs.

5) It is really my fault because I let him kiss and pet me.

1) It was not my fault because at anytime I could say no and expect him to stop. My no was ignored.

2) It was not my fault because my body responded naturally to manipulation.

3) It was not my fault because when I said no, I meant it. He refused to listen.

4) It was not my fault because I wanted to experience sex with a caring person. Instead this "thing" attacked me and took away my choice.

5) It was not my fault because when I became scared, I said no. I meant no, and my wishes were not heeded.

This was tough to do, but made me realize that I have grown over the years. It's nice to discover and realize.

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1. It was my fault because I spoke to him

2. It was my fault because I kissed him

3. It was my fault because I flirt

4. It was my thought because I was one of the only females there

5. It was my fault because I was out going

6.It was my dusky because I was drunk

1. It wasn't my fault because I just wanted to sleep

2. It wasn't my fault I went to bed alone

3. It wasn't my fault I screamed in agony

4. It wasn't my fault I felt dirty because of my period

5 it wasn't my fault because I was not aware of what was going on

6. It wasn't my fault because I woke up with someone on top of me

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I really NEED to do this.

The humiliation of ...remembering only cooperating and encouraging and enjoying ... are stopping me.

I was a tiny and despised 12 y.o. boy, and had no real friends.

He was my hero. He was 30 something?

All I remember of that day, that time is smiling and undressing for him. After letting him press into me from behind and enjoying the rare attention and affection and shoulder rubs.

I still cant say it was his fault 46 some years later. All I remember was how much I admired him.

Did I just forget the pain? or was I threatened and blocked that trauma? Why do I only remember the happy part this many decades later? That just reinforces how dirty and shameful I feel.

I feel the need to try, but am so embarrassed. You folks have courage I want to find.

And then i read these listings from abused trusting little girls, who still love him, and realize I am not alone. Is that ..dumb?, silly? I know we aren't.

Maybe I can do this ..after awhile.

How did you step up to this? Stop defending your "once-hero".

Stop letting him ... be blameless because he courted my affection so well, ... and I was lonely.

I remember how I wanted his attentions, no matter what they were. I knew it was my fault. I knew I would do it again. I knew I enjoyed it.

It hurts so much, feeling like all I was, just was a little slut boy. It must be my fault.

So long ago. At least now, after reading so many other contributions, I am finally asking: How do we let them off like this? Is it just shame?

z

Does this belong elsewhere? it is my first post. I am new here.These other people here finally made me feel worthy enuf to open up.

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SA between 4 to 11-ish

It was my fault because I wanted my father's approval and love.

It was my fault because I enjoyed being his favorite.

It was my fault because I felt as if I had to compete with my mother for his attention.

It was my fault because my body responded to his touching, etc.

It was my fault because I should have known better than to keep silent about it.

It was my fault because I secretly masturbated and "acted out" with my playmate (we were both 4 years old).

It was not my fault since I was too young to fully understand what he was doing and why.

It was not my fault because he threatened to harm my mother and sister.

It was not my fault because he insisted no one would believe me and I would be blamed.

It was not my fault because my body reacted normally when being stimulated in such a manner.

It was not my fault because I felt insecure about my family role and my belonging in the family dynamic.

It was not my fault because it was his decision to hurt me in such a cruel way.

The Rape by my Ex-boyfriend at 15 years old

It was my fault because I chose to meet with him alone despite knowing he wanted to get back together.

It was my fault because I didn't protest enough and wasn't physically beaten.

It was my fault because I agreed to go to the baseball field where he said the kids went to fool around.

It was my fault because I should have said "no" louder and more than once.

It was my fault because I liked the attention he showed me. Something I had never experienced.

It was my fault because I didn't know how to set proper boundaries and enforce them.

It was not my fault because he laced my cigarette with some sort of drug.

It was not my fault because I said I didn't feel like having sex with him.

It was not my fault because he used a pocket knife to insinuate he would hurt me if I didn't let him have his way with me sexually.

It was not my fault because I tried to escape him by running into the woods. But my "exit" was a dead end filled with stickers and thorny bushes.

It was not my fault because I tried to push him off me after he raped me but I wasn't strong enough to push him off me. It was like he was trying to get me pregnant, which I discovered I was 4 to 6 weeks later and chose to have an abortion.

It was not my fault because I made it - I am still alive!

This was an eye opening experience. Writing these helped me recognize the courage I had during those situations; a courage I didn't think I had back then. I think the rape happened because of the sexual abuse from my father at a young age. By that I mean, my father's actions caused me to have a false sense of how to handle sex and men. Even to this day, I do not know how to have a real relationship worth something. Instead I feel more comfortable being used and lied to than allowing someone to actually know the true me. I push men away once they say they care about me/love me. Even if I have to lie to get them to leave me. However, I do want to experience love but no one has been able to break through my walls. I think I can love and be loved ... If I thought I deserve it.

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It was my fault because I wanted to meet him and I begged to meet him

It was my fault because I didn't spot the signs

It was my fault because I drank too much

It was my fault did what he told me to do

It was my fault because I said what he wanted me to say

It was my fault because I gave up

It was my fault because I allowed myself to be manipulated

It was my fault because I didn't leave the hotel when I had the chance

It wasn't my fault because he manipulated me until I couldn't think straight

It was his fault because he took me to a place and time that I couldn't get home from without his help

It was his fault because he ignored me when I said I didn't want to do things

It was his fault because he threatened me

It was his fault because he humiliated me in public and people laughed

It was his fault because he touched me without my consent

It was his fault because he physically threatened me

It was his fault because he lied and said I couldn't go home

It was his fault because he assaulted me in an aggressive way

It was his fault because he didn't use protection when I asked him to

Thank you for this exercise. I may have to post on here again for other experiences...

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*Deep Breath* Here goes. Wow this is painful. Yet so necessary.

The Assault (Middle School):

1. It was my fault because I didn't tell.
2. It was my fault because I didn't hit him.
3. It was my fault because I didn't scream.
4. It was my fault because I kept coming back.
5. It was my fault because I didn't change classes.
6. It was my fault because of my large chest.


1. It wasn't my fault because I didn't know how to tell and because I was scared. I thought it would make it worse. I didn't know it "counted."
2. It wasn't my fault because I could've gotten suspended or further hurt had I hit him.
3. It wasn't my fault because that could've made it worse or made more people watch.
4. It wasn't my fault, because I had to keep coming back- it was school. I had no choice.
5. It wasn't my fault because I was scared to tell someone to get it changed and had already changed once. I wanted to take pottery class- I should've been able to in peace.
6. It wasn't my fault because my body doesn't belong to anyone else, and what I wear or how I look isn't an excuse for someone to do that.



The "Incident" (Recently):

1. It was my fault because I didn't hit him.
2. It was my fault because I didn't scream.
3. It was my fault because I drove to meet him.
4. It was my fault because I let him in my car.
5. It was my fault because I wasn't more firm/didn't say "no" enough.
6. It was my fault because I tempted him.


1.It wasn't my fault because I didn't want to hit him- he'd been my friend. He manipulated me. I was in shock. I was confused. I froze.
2.It wasn't my fault because I was in shock. I was frozen. I was confused.
3.It wasn't my fault because I didn't think he'd do that to me- he broke my trust and used our friendship.
4.It wasn't my fault because I trusted him- he abused our friendship.
5.It wasn't my fault because I'd told him about boundaries before and pushed him away, asked him to wait, told him we needed to talk.
6.It wasn't my fault because he is responsible for his own actions and self-control. I was clear with my boundaries and what I needed/wanted, and he chose not to listen- that's not on me. I'm not responsible nor able to control his behavior. He was six and a half years older than me and should've known better.

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CSA from age 2-11

1. It was my fault because I did what my big sister told me to.

2.It was my fault because I didn't tell.

3.It was my fault because I kept letting it happen.

4.It was my fault because I liked being the favorite sister.

5.It was my fault because I watched her abuse my little sister, too, without speaking up.

6.It was my fault because my younger sister and I "acted out" and "practiced" what our big sister taught us.

7.It was my fault because I became obsessed with porn.

8.It was my fault because I am bisexual.

1.It is not my fault because she told me she would hurt me if I didnt cooperate.

2.It is not my fault because she was passing on what her dad, and brothers, had done to her.

3.It is not my fault because I tried with all of my strength to get away, but she was too strong.

4.It is not my fault because I was only a child, afraid to upset anyone, only wanting to be loved.

5.It is not my fault because I knew my mom had her domestic violence to worry about and felt guilty to come to her with another problem.

6.It is not my fault because she told me no one would listen or care if I told on her.

7.It is not my fault because I was conditioned not to resist.

8.It is not my fault because I told my mom as an adult, and am healing now.

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First time: It was my fault because I didn't say no

It was my fault because I didn't scream

It was my fault because I didn't tell

It was my fault because I covered up for him

It was my fault because I was scared-too scared

It was my fault because I was too pretty

It was my fault because I had perfect skin

It wasn't my fault because I was a child

It wasn't my fault because I didn't know why daddy was doing that

It wasn't my fault because I didn't want it

It wasn't my fault because I was protecting my sister

It wasn't my fault because I was hurting

Second time:

It was my fault because I walked up to them

It was my fault because I attacked them so they'd let her go

It was my fault because I didn't mind my own business

It was my fault because I froze

It was my fault because I blacked out

It was my fault because I should've yelled

It was my fault because all I did was cry

It wasn't my fault because I had to help her

It wasn't my fault because I didn't have time to run

It wasn't my fault because I told them to stop

It wasn't my fault because they punched my head until I fainted and I woke up with them taking turns in going inside me

It wasn't my fault because I knew it was wrong this time

It wasn't my fault because I know I'm not perfect anymore

But whether it is my fault or not.. I'll always feel like it is... My nightmares haunt me I can't shake the flashbacks and I'm slowly drowning ... I want to hold on, the love of my life is by my side trying to hold on to me and I don't want to let him down but I'm getting weaker by the day... I don't know what to do anymore ...

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1. It was really my fault because i didnt tell

2. It was really my fault because I didnt scream

3. It was really my fault because i went back to his house_

4. It was really my fault because i pretend to sleep when i knew what he was doing

5. It was really my fault because -i looked at him ,when he was naked and laying in his bed and he saw me

1. It wasn't my fault because ____he was bigger then me and told me not to tell

2. It wasn't my fault because __i dont know why i didnt scream

3. It wasn't my fault because -when i went back I thought my brother was going to be there

4. It wasn't my fault because -I pretended so I didnt have to look at him

5. It wasn't my fault because _I was 9 and i was just curious

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It was my fault because I was wearing a nightgown and not my pajamas.
It was my fault because I didn't say STOP.
It was my fault because I didn't do any resistance.
It was my fault because I didn't cry out for help (people were sitting next door).

It was my fault because I should have known better...
It was my fault because I didn't tell my parents.

It wasn't my fault because I was 9 years old and he was about 60 years old.
It wasn't my fault because no matter how much clothes i would have worn, the result would have been the same.
It wasn't my fault because no matter how much I would have resisted, he would still have been stronger than me.
It wasn't my fault because I was a child and I didn't know what to do/react.
It wasn't my fault because I was terrified.

It wasn't my fault because I ........

A good exercise....I still can't find an equal amount of "it wasn't my fault" but I hope that I some day will be there... Guilt is still something that I am having trouble with.

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1) it was really my fault because I didn't ask him to stop

2) it was really my fault because I didn't tell anyone

3) it was really my fault because I must have asked for it

4) it was really my fault because I'm a bad person and deserved it

5) it was really my fault because I liked the attention, I thought it was a reward for being good

6) it was really my fault because sometimes I initiated it, I should have known it was wrong

1) it wasn't really my fault because I was a child and couldn't consent

2) it wasn't really my fault because he was my dad and I trusted him, but he abused that trust and abused me

3) it wasn't really my fault because I was too scared to ask for help, I didn't want him to hurt me

4) it wasn't really my fault because I was naive and didn't understand that it was wrong

5) it wasn't really my fault because he manipulated me into believing that he was rewarding me for being good

6) it wasn't really my fault because he should have known it was wrong, he should have never initiated it in the first place and it wasn't my responsibility to ask him to stop

That felt kind of good :3

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1) I feel like it was really my fault beause I went to his house willingly and he may have thought I wanted it.

2) I feel like it was really my fault because I gave up on stopped fighting back quickly.

3) I feel like it was really my fault because I didn't tell anyone for sometime after it happened.

4) I feel like it was really my fault because even now with all the healing and progress I made, I still feel incredibly ashamed and guilty and there must eba reason for me feeling this.

5) It was really not my fault because he made the choices he made.

6) It was really not my fault because I was powerless against him.

7) It was really not my fault because no one ever deserves this and no one even need to justify it isn't their fault, it's is alwys the abuser's fault.

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It was my fault because I didn't say "no" or "stop."

It was my fault because he openly admitted to me in the beginning that he's a manipulative person.

It was my fault because I stayed with him despite knowing what he was doing.

It was my fault because I could have stopped him or fought him. He stopped any time that I'd given him a clear "stop."

It was my fault because I let it happen.

It was my fault because I came back to him afterwards.

It was my fault because my body reacted.

It was my fault because I still miss him and feel attached to him.

It wasn't my fault because "maybe" and "I don't know" do not mean yes.

It wasn't my fault because I froze.

It wasn't my fault because he made me feel guilty when I said "stop."

It wasn't my fault because he knew he was manipulating me and he knew he didn't care about me.

It wasn't my fault because he knew what he was doing.

Edited by catsandwaffles

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1. It was my fault because I didn’t say no

2. It was my fault because I didn’t question what he asked me to do

3. It was my fault because I just wanted him to stop bothering me

4. It was my fault because he offered me something in exchange

5. It was my fault because nobody deserves that and if it happened to me so I must’ve done something to deserve it

6. It was my fault because I lead my life until now as if I deserved it because the abuse had become familiar to me

1. It wasn’t really my fault because I didn’t understand what was happened

2. It wasn’t really my fault because I was so lost that I thought I was pregnant after even though it was touching.

3. It wasn’t really my fault because I was 9 and he was my brother and he was old enough to know it wasn’t right

4. It wasn’t really my fault because he took advantage of my weakness and I looked up to him

5. It wasn’t really my fault because nobody should make someone else like that to compensate for their littleness, their emptiness, their confusion, their toxic curiosity

6. It wasn’t really my fault because I was only able to put a word to/make sense of what happened 13 years later

7. It wasn’t really my fault because the person who was supposed to protect me was the one who violated the integrity of my body and my parents too focused on their pain because of the divorce to notice mine

Through therapy, I realized that I had taken up the role of the abuser towards myself. It was normal to me to continuously inflict psychological pain to myself before anyone else could do it to me. I was preparing myself for a war I never actually had to fight. I was looking for a reason within myself to justify the sexual abuse. I expected hurt from everywhere without seeing what I was doing to myself. I would never treat anyone the way I treated myself. It was never my fault and I never deserved it. I only realize now that I spent a lot of energy trying to dissect all the reasons why he chose me or why it happened to me, but that’s on him. I vow to that 9 year-old inside of me to find all the reasons why I deserve to be happy and why I’m a good person. One day at time.

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CSA 1

1. It was my fault because I never told anyone and let it continue for 4 years
2. It was my fault because we were both the same age
3. It was my fault because he was my “best friend”
4. It was my fault because it was just two boys messing around (even though it wasn’t mere “messing around”)
5. It was my fault because I let it get worse
6. It was my fault because I consented
7. It was my fault because I went into the bushes with him one afternoon after school

1. It wasn’t my fault because I was too scared, ashamed and humiliated to tell anyone, and when I finally did tell nobody apart from my friends and family believed me.

2. It wasn’t my fault because he chose to do what he did

3. It wasn’t my fault because he used that position of trust to hurt me, if he truly was my best friend he wouldn’t have stolen my virginity and destroyed my childhood

4. It wasn’t my fault because, IDK why on that one

5. I didn’t know who to tell. I didn’t even know what was happening to me.

6. It wasn’t my fault because the abuser lied to me. He told me that “sex” was a SEGA game and he asked if I wanted “sex.” I said “yes” so it was a sneaky way of getting my consent. I was 10 incidentally and very naive. I still feel pretty foolish and idiotic.

7. Even aged 10 I didn’t know what sex was so how could I know what he, his older cousin and older brother were going to do to me. Even when it happened I was so confused and scared.

CSA 2 (included same abuser as CSA 1)

1. It was my fault because I didn’t try to escape
2. It was my fault because I should have told someone
3. It was my fault because I let it happen practically every day

1. It wasn’t my fault because I was too scared to escape

2. It wasn’t my fault because I was too humiliated to tell anyone that every day as I walked to school, my so-called “best friend” and another man would hurt me.

3. It wasn’t my fault because even when I made it clear I didn’t like it the abusers didn’t stop, in fact it actually made them more violent as they were worried I’d talk

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Finally had the courage to post this:

Abusive boyfriend

1. It was my fault because I let him after saying “I’ll never let anyone do that to me again” after being abused as a boy
2. It was my fault because he was supposed to be my “boyfriend”
3. It was my fault because I didn’t try to escape
4. It was my fault because I couldn’t see the warning signs until it was too late
5. It was my fault because I’m gay
6. It was my fault because I’m male
7. It was my fault because I didn’t fight back or stop them
8. It was my fault because I didn’t say no

1. It wasn’t my fault because I was in shock the first time it happened and from then on I was too scared of him to fight back.

2. It wasn’t my fault because boyfriends are supposed to protect and support the other, leading to… It wasn’t my fault because my boyfriend is not someone I should need to be protected FROM.

3. It’s not my fault that I was too scared to leave him because of the threats he made to keep me under his power

4. The warning signs were so insidious and subtle and I trusted him. I now know that if you can smell smoke you need to get a fire extinguisher because where there’s smoke there’s a fire. A tiny puff of smoke can easily be overlooked though.

5. I can’t be straight. I’ve tried every known “gay cure” there is. Just because I’m gay it doesn’t give anyone else the right to dictate my sex life and tell me what to enjoy and what not to enjoy

6. I’ve learnt the hard way that men (and boys) can be victims too

7. It wasn’t my fault because he drugged me and threatened to “out” me to my family if I dared to tell anyone. It wasn’t my fault because he had violent friends that knew how to keep me silent and who would also regularly abuse me. It wasn’t my fault because he threatened me with a gun, drugged me, held me down on the bed by my throat so hard I lost consciousness and cut my chest with a rusty knife

8. It wasn’t my fault because I was too scared to say “no” and the one time I did tell him to stop he didn’t

9. The most important: It was not my fault that he chose to do this to me. He knew what he was doing, he knew that I was terrified of him and his rent-a-mob friends and he knew he didn’t have my consent.

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It was my fault because I never told

It was my fault because I ejaculated

It was my fault because I didn't say no the first time

It was my fault because I wanted the attention

It was my fault because I am a boy, and I should be able to stop it

It wasn't my fault because I was terrified of being hurt

It wasn't my fault because my body responded the way a young boys body is supposed to

It wasn't my fault because I was six and didn't know what was happening

It wasn't my fault because I was extremely lonely and craved approval

It wasn't my fault because I was at the oldest eight he was a full grown man

Edited by guytb

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Grooming/ emotional abuse:

It was my fault because I initiated contact.

It was my fault for wanting a father figure.

It was my fault because I had feelings for him,

It was my fault because I asked for it.

It was my fault because I bring out the worst in people.

It wasn't my fault because I was 12 and he should have been the one to set boundaries, as the adult.

It wasn't my fault because i couldn't help having that vulnerability of not having a good relationship with my own dad.

It wasn't my fault because the perp took advantage of my youth and my completely natural feelings.

It wasn't my fault because I never could have known.

It wasn't my fault because HE was the perp, not me.

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