Lis

It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise

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A big first step in acknowledgement and healing for me… still working on these.


1. It was really my fault because… he was known as a womanizer.

2. It was really my fault because… I chose to hang out with him.

3. It was really my fault because… I knew he was drunk.

4. It was really my fault because… I didn’t scream.

1. It wasn’t my fault because… I trusted him as a good friend.

2. It wasn’t my fault because… I didn’t want it.

3. It wasn’t my fault because… I didn’t realize he would rape me.

4. It wasn’t my fault because… I said no.

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well I'm not sure if I did this right......here goes....

1. It was really my fault because I was drunk and high and trusted him to not hurt me.

2. It was really my fault because I I did not fight. I was frozen and accommodating.

3. It was really my fault because my body was turned on.

4. It was really my fault because I must have been stupid.

5. It was really my fault because abuse from people happens all the time.

6. It was really my fault because I must have a 'rape me' sign on my forehead.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was never taught to say no. No one in my family ever taught me

that it was ok to set boundaries or say no.

2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't ask for it.

3. It wasn't my fault because I have mental illness because I was abused sexually daily close to eight years.

4. It wasn't my fault because I looked nice and turned him on.

5. It wasn't my fault because I felt good and was very relaxed.

6. It wasn't my fault because I thought that since I am a nice person and don't want to hurt anyone,

he would be the same.

this was a great exercise! I hope to do more. Thank you so much for this.

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I can't do this exercise....I can't think of any reason why what happened wasn't my fault....Too much self-blame, guilt and shame :(

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I can't do this exercise....I can't think of any reason why what happened wasn't my fault....Too much self-blame, guilt and shame sad.png

I'm sorry, sweetheart. It will come in time. You cannot blame yourself, because you are a victim. You were the target of some sick and twisted person(s). You did not do anything to deserve it, did not want it, did not need it in your life. I understand though, it will come in time. Sitting with you until then. hug.gif

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It wasn't my fault because I was just an innocent child.

It wasn't my fault because he has the problem, not me.

It wasn't my fault because I didn't know where to go for help my friend was being abused.

It isn't my fault that my mom is minimizing my experiences.

It wasn't my fault and God still loves me.

:trigger:

It wasn't my fault because he had a knife and I was terrified.

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1. It was really my fault because... I knew he liked to have control over people.

2. It was really my fault because... I didn't fight back.

3. It was really my fault because... I had consensual sex with him in an open relationship for a year before the sexual abuse started.
4. It was really my fault because... I didn't get help.
5. It was really my fault because... I would be drinking with other friends and would let him come back with me to my room.
6. It was really my fault because... I let it keep happening.

1. It wasn't my fault because... I naively thought he respected me, his good friend, more than other people.
2. It wasn't my fault because... I was emotionally abused and sexually coerced before I was outright assaulted.
3. It wasn't my fault because... I said no.
4. It wasn't my fault because... I tried to talk about what was happening with friends and the counseling center but, maybe because I didn't call it rape, my situation was dismissed.
5. It wasn't my fault because... I was still in denial about us being able to be friends and still in denial that he would do things to me against my wishes/would refuse to leave when we got to my building.
6. It wasn't my fault because... I was a victim of emotional abuse which led to sexual abuse and was hard to see/admit and harder to escape.

It's been two and half years since it finally ended. It still feels like my fault.

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1. It was really my fault because... I did not say no.

2. It was really my fault because... I kept going back for more.

3. It was really my fault because... my body was turned on whenever he made contact with me.

4. It was really my fault because... I went to the meeting place that he told me to go.

5. It was really my fault because... I would do my best to try and please him.

6. It was really my fault because... I could not stop thinking about him.

7. It was really my fault because... I had orgasms when we had sexual contact.

8. It was really my fault because... He said that I was a slut and a bitch, and that I wanted it.

9. It was really my fault because... I didn't turn him into human resources sooner.

10. It was really my fault because... I didn't want to turn him in because he was a hard worker and seemed like a nice guy.

11. It was really my fault because... He never used physical violence against me.

1. It wasn't my fault because... I was put into a position where I would be harmed if I said no. He had authority, power, and seniority over me.

2. It wasn't my fault because... My body was responding to what it felt was pleasurable.

3. It wasn't my fault because... My body was doing its job when presented with stimulation. This is hard-wired.

4. It wasn't my fault because... He used his power over me, and I did not know how to say no and to set boundaries.

5. It wasn't my fault because... I was doing the best I could to keep my career, finances, and physical being safe.

6. It wasn't my fault because... My body and mind was experiencing a normal attachment towards sexual intimacy.

7. It wasn't my fault because... My body did what it was hard-wired to do.

8. It wasn't my fault because... He was wrong - he was labeling me to justify his behavior.

9. It wasn't my fault because... I was not given sexual harassment training at the workplace, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I did turn him in at some point.

10. It wasn't my fault because... Working hard and 'seeming nice' is no excuse for his inappropriate behavior.

11. It wasn't my fault because... He used other forceful methods to achieve his goals.

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1. It was really my fault because... I accepted the alcohol

2. It was really my fault because...I should have known better at 13

3. It was really my fault because...I got in the car

4. it was really my fault because.,.I kept it a secret for 40 years

5. It was really my fault because ...I was curious

1. It wasn't 'to my fault because...my parents watched me drink alcohol at 13

2. It wasn't my fault because...he was in his 20's and I was a child

3. It wasn't my fault because ...my parents didn't watch me that night

4. It wasn't my fault because....I believed him when he said he wanted to show me something cool

5. It wasn't my fault because...I didn't know what sex was.

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I came across this yesterday when I was checking out the site and I did it last night so here goes

It was really my fault because- I trusted him

It was really my fault because- I never told anyone or reported it

It was really my fault because- I needed a place to stay

It was really my fault because- I stayed there for 5 nights of it

It was really my fault because- I kind of enjoyed the human contact

It was really my fault because- I NEVER said stop or no

It was really my fault because- That's how people like me deserve to be treated

It wasn't really my fault because- He knew I trusted him, yet he did it anyway

It wasn't really my fault because- I didn't know what else to do

It wasn't really my fault because- I thought it was a safe, warm and sheltered place to stay

It wasn't really my fault because- I had no place else to go

It wasn't really my fault because- He took advantage of my situation and vulnerability

It wasn't really my fault because- I was afraid that if I said stop or no I would lose my place to stay

It wasn't really my fault because- NOBODY deserves to be raped or sexually assaulted EVER

that was bloody tough to do took me a few hours because I kept breaking down and crying and having anxiety attacks but I got it done and it was helpful

Thank you

Megan Jessica

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1. It was really my fault because I never screamed or pushed him off.

2. It was really my fault because when I did manage to make an excuse and get away from him by hiding in the bathroom, I assumed he'd leave me alone so I came out too soon.

3. It was really my fault because I was too nice to him.

4. It was really my fault because I'd been drinking.

5. It was really my fault because I'd chosen to spend the night there instead of go home.

1.It wasn't really my fault because I kept telling him I didn't want it.

2. It wasn't really my fault because I tried to get away and he followed me.

3. It wasn't really my fault because he was much bigger and could've been violent if I screamed or pushed him away.

4. It wasn't really my fault because everytime I'd curl up in a ball to get him to go away he'd turn me back over.

5. It wasn't really my fault because I begged him to just let me sleep.

I really liked this excercise. These things go through my mind every day.

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1) It was really my fault because I was being stupid

2) It was really my fault because I didn't make it clear enough that I didn't want to

3) It was really my fault because I overreacted the situation

4) It was really my fault because I wanted someone to love me

5) It was really my fault because I was vulnerable

1) It wasn't really my fault because I knew something was wrong

2) It wasn't really my fault because I told him I wanted to leave and tried to push him off

3) It wasn't really my fault because I was confused. I didn't know what to feel afterwards

4) It wasn't really my fault because I lost my best friend, and put my trust into someone who didn't deserve it

5) It wasn't really my fault because he knew I was vulnerable and took advantage of that!

That was difficult...but it helped a bit

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Posted (edited)

1. It was really my fault because I got drunk with an older guy, who I barely knew.

2. It was really my fault because it was exciting at first.

3. It was really my fault because I flirted.

4. It was really my fault because apparently I gave him oral.

5. It was really my fault because I never said no.

6. It was really my fault because I told him to keep going so it would be over faster.

1. It wasn't my fault because he gave me, 15, alcohol, knowing the effect it would have.

2. It wasn't my fault because he kept me isolated so he could manipulate my feelings.

3. It wasn't my fault because he knew I was young and inexperienced and not only flirted but did everything he could to seduce me.

4. It wasn't my fault because I was too drunk to fully understand what was happening and consciously decide to do what I was doing. I can't remember why I did it or how it happened, but he could have just stopped there.

5. It wasn't my fault because I was in shock and couldn't think straight when it was happening and didn't think saying no was a real option.

6. It wasn't my fault because he should have stopped when I was sobbing hysterically in pain, barely coherent, no matter what my words said.

The first ones feel true and the second ones feel like excuses. It still feels like my fault.

Edited by Jem

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Posted (edited)

I've done a lot of thinking and had some help from a friend. I think I can now do this. Sorry, but the two lists are interwoven, not separated. I wrote the My Fault ones first, and then countered each one.

It really was my fault because I didn't say no

  • It really wasn't my fault because he took advantage of me. He continued after my attempt to push him off. He held me down. He knelt on me.

It really was my fault because I didn't fight

  • It really wasn't my fault because I couldn't fight. I was trapped and had nowhere to go. He was over six foot and very strong. What would be the point in fighting? I would just get more hurt.

It really was my fault because I let him in my home

  • It really wasn't my fault because he walked in like he owned the place. I didn't let him in, he just invaded.

It really was my fault because I loved him once

  • It really wasn't my fault because of how I felt in the past. This was the present and we were very different people. I didnt love him at that moment. I now hate him for what he did.

It really was my fault because he offered excitement

  • It really wasn't my fault because I was being manipulated throughout. I was played and I lost. The excitement was terror and pain and hurt. I wasn't responsible.

It really was my fault because he came back

  • It really wasn't my fault because he didn't have to come back. He chose to come back. He chose to rape me.

It really was my fault because I couldn't stop

  • It really wasn't my fault because I couldn't stop him. His size and strength overwhelmed me. I was frightened and confused. I was following the teachings I had been taught to always let the man do what he wanted to a woman.

It really was my fault because I took him back to my house

  • It really wasn't my fault because he wanted me in my own home rather than an anonymous hotel room. He wanted to have maximum effect and maximum control over me. He wanted to make me frightened in my own home.

It really was my fault because I wasn't sensible

  • It really wasn't my fault because I was sensible. I did the only sensible thing I could do at the time. My body shut down, my brain shut down. I did what I had to to survive.

It really was my fault because I haven't admitted this to myself for so long

  • It really wasn't my fault because now is the time I can deal with this. Now is the time my mind was ready to take this on. I may have suppressed this for years, but I'm letting it go now.

It really was my fault because I hate myself

  • It really wasn't my fault because he made me hate myself. I now hate him for what he's done.

It really was my fault because I wanted sex

  • It really wasn't my fault because my body reacted to stimulation in the way it should. I did nothing wrong. My body was just functioning as it should and, in doing so, protected me from further harm of forced entry without lubrication.

It really was my fault because I should've known better

  • It really wasn't my fault because how could I have known any better. Hindsight is wonderful, but foresight was not there. He manipulated me, he held me down. He did this to me.




I'm starting to feel different about what happened. Something has shifted today. I'm not a victim any more. Not wholly survivor yet, either. But moving in the right direction.

Edited by Gwynhwfar
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The SA

1. It was really my fault because... I chose to go out with him
2. It was really my fault because... I went back to his
3. It was really my fault because... I wanted to prove that I was attractive to someone
4. It was really my fault because... I didn't like him and still went out with him
5. It was really my fault because... I didn't scream or fight
6. It was really my fault because... I never told

1. It wasn't my fault because... I was 17, and insecure, and going out with someone for those reasons is okay
2. It wasn't my fault because... He lied and told me he wanted to take it slowly
3. It wasn't my fault because... He told me his parents weren't in
4. It wasn't my fault because... I was scared, I froze
5. It wasn't my fault because... He told me 'you look f*cking ridiculous, put some clothes on' after - proof he was doing it to have power over me and to humiliate me.
6. It wasn't my fault because... How could I tell anyone when I blocked out the memory for 5 years?

The R*PE

1. It was really my fault because... I was attracted to him
2. It was really my fault because... I cheated on someone with him
3. It was really my fault because... We had already fooled around
4. It was really my fault because... I didn't quit my job - I stayed and kept going back to him
5. It was really my fault because... I didn't scream or fight
6. It was really my fault because... I never told... And he went on to do it again to a friend of mine as a result.

7. It was really my fault because... I had already been assaulted.

8. It was really my fault because... I couldn't give him what he wanted consensually

9. It was really my fault because... I lead him on

10. It was really my fault because... I was drunk

11. It was really my fault because... I'm a slut

12. It was really my fault because... I was dressed provocatively

1. It wasn't my fault because... He terrified me
2. It wasn't my fault because... I told him I never wanted to have sex with him and he ignored that
3. It wasn't my fault because... I was drunk so couldn't fight back
4. It wasn't my fault because... I passed out
5. It wasn't my fault because... I stayed because my parents told me I'm not a quitter
6. It wasn't my fault because... I was vulnerable when it came to sex, and he knew that and took advantage of it.

Great exercise. Feeling a little shaky now though!

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1. It was really my fault because ____I was moaning I must have wanted it


2. It was really my fault because ___________I shouldn’t have trusted him


3. It was really my fault because __________I was blackout drunk and I shouldn’t have been


4. It was really my fault because ___I didn’t stop him when I had the power too


5. It was really my fault because _____others say it was


6. It was really my fault because ________by siting on his lap i encouraged him



1. It wasn't my fault because body’s physical systems become hyperactive for the sake of survival. The clitoris is part of the nervous system, and when it hyper-performs, it does so in a way that causes a specific physical feeling. This feeling is not necessarily an expression about pleasure, acceptance, consent, or desire; it is simply a physical reaction.An analogy would be that when someone tickles you, even against your will, your body responds by laughing and smiling. These responses are programmed into the sensation of being tickled, but have nothing to do with enjoying or welcoming it; people will laugh during tickling even when they hate it.



2. It wasn't my fault because _friends should be able to trust each other, he abused our friendship, it is normal to trust those who have never given you a reason not to



3. It wasn't my fault because ___men and women get blackout drunk all the time and being incoherent is not an invitation for sex just because I wasn’t explicitly saying no does not imply that I wanted it.



4. It wasn't my fault because ____I couldn’t have done anything I was too drunk to speak/walk my body was not responsive and he took advantage of the opportunity to rape me. He knew I was too drunk to say no so he claimed power over me



5. It wasn't my fault because _____Rape culture influences others beliefs on what constitutes as rape and victim blaming_others opinions don’t legitimize what happened. They are not professionals They are not me



6. It wasn't my fault because __being naturally flirtatious is not a crime…rape is. I flirt with all human beings because it is part of who I am . He used that character trait against me . flirting with others is nothing to be ashamed of


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Posted (edited)

1 It was really my fault because he paid me a dime almost every time.

2 It was really my fault because I was daddy's little favorite and made mommy jealous, so she wouldn't do it for him anymore.

3 It was really my fault because I was a brat and I knew how to manipulate him into giving me money and buying me things.

4 It was really my fault because he always said jokingly that he'd give me 5 minutes to knock it off, but I always wanted to keep going even after he fell asleep.
5 It was really my fault because he was tired from working all day to put food on the table and a roof over our heads and he needed me to help him relax.
6 It was really my fault because he had to watch me at night while mommy worked.

1 It wasn't really my fault because a child should not be paid for sexual arousal.

2 It wasn't really my fault because their marital problems were between them.

3 It wasn't really my fault because he was manipulating me with money and things.

4 It wasn't really my fault because he should not have taught and encouraged me to please him like that.

5 It wasn't really my fault because his stress at home and work were his problems.

6 It wasn't really my fault because he was my parent and was supposed to be responsible for me at times.

Edited by Kaya42

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1. It was my fault because I never said no

2. It was my fault because I looked for the attention

3. It was my fault because I initiated the first time in subsequent assaults

4. it was my fault because my body responded to him

5. It was my fault because I didn't make anyone listen

6. It was my fault because I acted defiantly.

1. it wasn't my fault because i didn't know what he was trying to do and was scared

2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't get much attention at home therefore thought this was how I got attention

3. It wasn't my fault because I initiated the first time in subsequent assaults as this was how I believed I was loved

4. It wasn't my fault because I was a hormonal teenager and didn't understand what was happening to my body

5.It wasn't my fault because I told my sister, who told my mother and she didn't deal with the situation so I didn't tell anyone else as i thought it was my fault

6. It wasn't my fault because i acted defiantly as I thought i was a bad person for letting these people do these things to me, so I acted defiantly to prove to myself I was bad.

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It wasn't my fault because I was only a little girl of 11.

It wasn't my fault because you were my father and should have been the one to protect me. Instead you were the one I should have been protected from. How dare you stick your hands where no man should ever go with their daughter.

It wasn't my fault that I struggle to trust men and their intentions.....as I saw you molest my stepsister...molest me....make numerous remarks about sex...played pornographic movies when we were only young teenagers...have at least two affairs that I am aware of while married to my mother....

It wasn't my fault that I don't know if I have a half brother or not...when one of your mistresses became pregnant...is it her husband's or yours?

It wasn't my fault that when I witnessed my mother smashing the windscreen of our family car as you tried to gas yourself in it.

It wasn't my fault when you used to drive drunk on the wrong side of the road with us children in the car with you until I begged you to stop.

It wasn't my fault when you told me I was selfish as a teenager....gee...what teenager isn't? And by the way....how dare you judge ME after all you have done!

It wasn't my fault when you physically kicked me when I was in the midst of deep depression which I didn't get help for when I was young. I am so sorry I didn't rally myself to be 'normal' with all I had to deal with.

It wasn't my fault when my stepmother confided in me that she sprung you massaging her daughter in a sexual way.

It wasn't my fault that you sat outside at the house in the country with a loaded gun threatening to kill yourself.

It wasn't my fault that you were a poor excuse for a father, let alone a human being.

It wasn't my fault that you are a piece of shit that takes up too much oxygen relegated to more decent human beings.

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1. It was really my fault because I left the house when I wasn't supposed to.

2. It was really my fault because I didn't fight or scream or run away.

3. It was really my fault because I enjoyed the attention.

4.It was my fault because I wasn't careful who I trusted. I never trusted my instincts.

5. It was really my fault because I didn't tell my parents or anyone who could help me.

6. It was really my fault because I was a needy, obnoxious child.

1. It was not my fault because an adult should never hurt a child like that.

2. It was not my fault because he did everything possible to keep me vulnerable and quiet.

3. It was not my fault because I didn't know anything about sex or other related things because I was 5 and children don't know how to express things they don't understand.

4. It wasn't my fault because I was under hypnosis most of the time... Anyone could have stopped it... I couldn't because I had no control over it.

5. It wasn't my fault because someone should have been watching me.. Taking care of me.. Protecting me.

6. It was not my fault because so many people knew how sick he was but refused to admit the harm he caused.

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the sexual abuse

it was my fault because i didn't stop him

it was my fault because i deserved it

it was my fault because i kept it a secret

it was my fault because i thought i was special

it was my fault because i lied to the cops

it was my fault because i didn't tell him to stop

it wasn't my fault because he was older

it wasn't my fault because i couldn't tell

it wasn't my fault because he had power over me

it wasn't my fault because i survived seven years of the abuse

it wasn't my fault because i didn't like it

it wasn't my fault because i was in shock from the pain

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It was my fault because I didn't make him stop.

It was my fault because I never said no.

It was my fault because it felt good for a minute.

It was my fault because I had a boyfriend at the time.

It was my fault because I never should have drank so much.

It wasn't my fault, because I was asleep.

It wasn't my fault, because when I woke up I was too intoxicated to understand what was happening.

It wasn't my fault, because the pleasure I felt was from mistaking my perpetrator for my boyfriend.

It wasn't my fault, because what happened to me was not consensual, and therefore was not cheating.

It wasn't my fault, because no number of shots in a woman's body gives a man the right to assault her.

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This is my first time doing an exercise like this, so bear with me if I don't quite grasp the concept :) There may be triggers in this fyi.

1. It was my fault because I agreed to it at first.

2. It was my fault because I didn't scream. The nurse was in the next room over, so she could've helped me.

3. It was my fault because I put a lot of my trust in a complete stranger.

4. It was my fault because I have a boyfriend and did at the time this happened. It felt like cheating in a way.

5. It was my fault because I I froze while it was happening. I should've fought back.

1. It wasn't my fault because he's a doctor. He should know better, and it is in his code of ethics not to engage in this type of behavior.

2. It wasn't my fault that I froze. My mind was trying to protect itself.

3. It wasn't my fault because I put my trust in a man that is in a profession that you are supposed to be able trust to take care of you, not violate you.

4. It wasn't my fault because I was in a vulnerable position physically. I was on my side on a massage type table with my pants half off.

5. It wasn't my fault because I was obeying someone in a much more influential position than I.

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-

Edited by hemligt

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It was my fault because I had flirted with him the night before

It was my fault because I agreed to change clothes in front of him if he left me alone afterwards.

It was my fault because I suggested that we lay on my bed to do our work

It was my fault because I had been warned about him and knew of some of his creepy thoughts.

It was my fault because he was stronger than me.

It was my fault because I never spoke the word "no".

It wasn't my fault because I tried to fight back.

It wasn't my fault because I told him I just wanted to be friends multiple times.

It wasn't my fault because I did nothing to encourage him.

It wasn't my fault because I moved out of my room so that we would be in full view of anyone coming up the driveway.

It wasn't my fault because I didn't ask for it.

It wasn't my fault because I used all my strength to keep my legs closed.

Edited by LucyLucyLucyLucy

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It was my fault because I agreed to get a ride with him.

It was my fault because I didn't call my dad for a ride.

It was my fault because I entered his house despite feeling uneasy.

It was my fault because because I turned him down.

It was my fault because I feel asleep.

It was my fault because I didn't fight harder.

It was my fault because my body responded.

It was my fault because I didn't screams loud enough.

It was my fault because I didn't tell any one.

It wasn't my fault because I only expected help not violence.

It wasn't my fault because because I didn't see it coming.

It wasn't my fault because I had no reason not to trust him.

It wasn't my fault because I turned him down and made no come ons.

It wasn't my fault because I was asleep and did not invite it.

It wasn't my fault because I did fight and I did say no.

It wasn't my fault because I was paralyzed in fear.

It wasn't my fault that my body tried to protect me.

It wasn't my fault because I was too terrified and confused to scream loudly, and when I did make a noise he silenced me.

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