It Wasn't Your Fault - An Exercise

[theycallmekitty]

It was really my fault because...

1) I told him he could.

2) I went with him voluntarily.

3) I led him on.

4) I let him start.

5) It had already started when I changed my mind.

6) There's a possibility he didn't hear me.

It wasn't my fault because...

1) I said "Don't hurt me."

2) I said "Don't."

3) I just laid there, he had to know.

4) I had the right to change my mind.

5) I was 16, he was 20.

6) It's my body, not his.

[KellyMia]

1. It was my fault because I gave in over and over, whatever he wanted,if he bothered me enough he got because I wasn't strong enough to keep my answer "No".

2. It was my fault because I wanted to believe him every time he said he loved me, even though I knew it was only his way of getting what he wanted. I let him use "I love you" as a bully tactic.

3. It was my fault because all the times I told him to leave, I always allowed him to stay. And I would apologize for the hurt I caused him.

4. It was my fault because I didn't scream.

5. It was my fault because I gave him so much power, and believed that I needed him, and couldn't be without him. I wasn't worth having better. I wasn't strong enough to be alone.I stayed in the relationship, so I must have wanted him to treat me that way.

6. It was my fault because I would always apologize to him for hurting him when I said "no" or wanted him to leave.

1. It wasn't my fault because I wanted to believe that him wanting sex so badly was an indication of his affection and desire for me, and I wanted to believe that he truly wanted me, not just power and sex.

2. It wasn't my fault because all I ever wanted was to be loved, and he knew I was starved for someone's love, so he used it. That's how bullies work, they find someone's week spot and use it for their advantage.

3. It wasn't my fault because at that time I wanted to believed things would be better each time he came back. And because of my own lack of self-worth, I didn't know that my life would be better without him.

4. It wasn't my fault because the one time I did scream, and I knew people could hear me, they never helped me. They ignored it, because they believed if I was in his dorm room with him that meant I wanted to be with him. So why would I scream, knowing that all it would do was cause more embarrassment for myself?

5. It wasn't my fault because I had been raised to have no self-worth, and I didn't know that I could have strength and courage, or that I was allowed to be a worthy person and didn't deserve what he did to me.

6. It wasn't my fault because he was a bully. And my belief that changing myself or apologizing to try and make things better, were never going to change his being a bully.

[kayteexd]

It was really my fault because i was stupid enough to trust him

It was really my fault because i was stupid enough to let him in my house

It was really my fault because i didn't say no or try to resist him

It was really my fault because he might not have known that i didn't want it and it's my fault for not fighting him or not trying to stop it

It was really my fault because i still haven't told anybody except pandys....

It wasn't my fault because i was crying so he must have known i didn't want it

It wasn't my fault because i was too afraid to do anything

It wasn't my fault because he's older

It wasn't my fault because he was being aggressive

It wasn't my fault because why would anybody do that anyways?

[waterfountain]

1. It wasn't really my fault because ___I was five_______________________________

2. It wasn't really my fault because _He manipulated me___________________________________

3. It was really my fault because ___________He was an adult_________________________

4. It was really my fault because _____________I thought I would get in trouble_______________________

5. It was really my fault because ______I thought no one would believe me______________________________

6. It was really my fault because ___I didn't know anything bad would come out of it.________________________________

[Beloved10]

It was really my fault because he was younger than me

It was really my fault because I didn't say no loud enough

It was really my fault because I was dumb enough to go into his house alone

It was really my fault because he aroused me

It was really my fault because I let him pull down my pants

It wasn't my fault because He was stronger than me

It wasn't my fault because It doesn't matter how loud I said it, he knew I didn't want to have sex with him

It wasn't my fault because I went into his house but i did NOT accept his offer, so he tried to force me

It wasn't my fault because my body did what it was built to do, it doesn't know the difference between a lover and a r*pist.

It wasn't my fault because my mind went blank and I couldn't stop him.

[Sableine_x3]

1. It was really my fault because ____he's my uncle.

2. It was really my fault because ____I never told

3. It was really my fault because ___I didn't try hard enough

4. It was really my fault because __I didn't scream

5. It was really my fault because __I must've provoked it

6. It was really my fault because ____I'm stupid.

1. It wasn't my fault because ______ He's my uncle. Why shouldn't have I trusted him?

2. It wasn't my fault because ______ I tried to tell him to stop , but he didn't listen.

3. It wasn't my fault because ______ I tried to push him away , but he was too strong.

4. It wasn't my fault because ______ He was older than me , I looked up to him. He shouldn't want to do that w| a young girl.

5. It wasn't my fault because ______ The 2nd time , even though he was alrdy doing it , I managed to get him off.

6. It wasn't my fault because ______ He treated me well before , I loved him & thought he loved me. & Never thought he'd do that. Ever.

[dixiediamond]

It was really my fault because I didn't say no enough

It was really my fault because I was intoxicated

It was really my fault because I was skinny dipping

It was really my fault because I kissed him back once

It was really my fault because I knew what kind of person he was

It was really my fault because I couldn't push him away

I can only do half of it...I can't honestly say it wasn't my fault because I still feel like it was.

[jsbpdx]

1. It was really my fault because I chose to trust an addict

2. It was really my fault because I didn't listen to my gut

3. It was really my fault because I gave him a ride home

4. It was really my fault because when I got to the house I knew something was wrong

5. It was really my fault because I went into the back garage with a room full of men high on drugs

6. It was really my fault because I took a drink from them so I could take the edge off that not right feeling

1. It wasn't my fault because I screamed no

2. It wasn't my fault because  I tried to get away

3. It wasn't my fault because  I begged my friend to make them all stop

4. It wasn't my fault because he admitted it was rape when he left

5. It wasn't my fault because  I tried to help a friend

6. It wasn't my fault because  I wasn't able to get away from five men

[soulspoon]

It really was my fault because I didn't trust my intuition.

It really was my fault because I didn't say no, I thought it, really loud.

It really was my fault because my body reacted.

It really was my fault because I froze.

It really was my fault because I thought if I closed my eyes it wouldn't be real.

It really was my fault because I didn't fight him off.

It wasn't my fault because he got me too drunk to do anything.

It wasn't my fault because he knew what he was doing.

It wasn't my fault because he lied about having other people over just to get me there alone.

It wasn't my fault because I tried to stop him and he said we were, "just enjoying each other's company."

It wasn't my fault because he wanted me to keep it a secret.

I'm thinking about not going back to my small arts college just because I can't stomach the idea of seeing him everyday.

Edited August 12, 2010 by soulspoon

[Bre_Nicole]

I apologize for how long this reply is. I started this exercise and words just kept spilling out. I feel like I do need to share.

It was my fault because I chose to drink and smoke pot at a party.

It was my fault because I let his room mate kiss me.

It was my fault because I liked being told I was pretty by someone who wasn't my boyfriend.

It was my fault because I shouldn't have walked his room mate home to make sure he was safe.

It was my fault because I shouldn't have been alone with boys I had just met.

It was my fault because I agreed to sit alone on the back porch to “sober up” instead of leaving when he got through the door.

It was my fault because I had my eyes closed, I wasn't alert.

It was my fault because when he pulled my pants down, I didn't say a word, I just laid there immobilized.

It was my fault because he did stop, after I told him loudly. What if he didn't hear me the other times I protested? What if he didn't feel me try to push him off? What if my mind was so altered that it only felt like I was pushing at him?

It was my fault because afterward I silently got in his car and accepted the ride back to my apartment, didn't that prove that I was stupid? I didn't even know his name and he had just hurt me.

It was my fault because I had the best boyfriend in the world, and he doesn't blame me, but I still do. He married me and I still cannot feel that I am worthy of his love

It wasn't my fault because I was taken advantage of.

It wasn't my fault because I did not say that I wanted it.

It wasn't my fault because I said no.

It wasn't my fault because I was in an altered state of mind.

It wasn't my fault because flirting does not mean that you want to have sex.

It wasn't my fault because I had never even spoken to the man who hurt me.

It wasn't my fault because I did not think a guy who would help his intoxicated room mate to his bed, would come downstairs to hurt me.

It wasn't my fault because he gripped

at my hand, and damaged my thumb, he reacted to my pushing.

It wasn't my fault because the only reason he stopped was so he didn't get caught by people walking by when I finally yelled. I am slowly starting to put those pieces together.

This happened to me a little over one year ago. I am married now to the most wonderful man in the world, and he still loves me, and does not blame me. He has never once blamed me, and he has tried to work with me to overcome the shame, guilt, and pain that I have felt because of this. I cannot use the term “rape” when discussing my situation. I can't help but to feel that it was not rape, it was not excessively violent. I let a boy at a party kiss me, multiple times. He was as intoxicated and smoked as much as I had. When I finally sobered up I was consumed by guilt for having kissed this boy when I was committed to my boyfriend for four years. I had only kissed one other boy in my life other than my boyfriend and I was almost twenty years old. I still do not understand why I acted that way, and I feel that the decision to kiss him lead to this event, no matter how irrational it seems. I saw what bad of shape this boy was in, I didn't even know his name. He asked me if I would help him home along with one of his friends because he couldn't walk on his own without some help. I agreed I wanted him to make it home safe. At one point he stopped in the middle of the road and laid down. I told him to get up and he told me he would only get up if I would have sex with him, I told him I would even though I knew I wouldn't. I thought he was too drunk to even stand on his own let alone try to force himself on me, and I was right after all it was not him to did this to me. It is the main reason over all that I feel guilty, I feel that because I told him I would have sex with him I deserved what happened to me. Even though it was his room mate or friend who forced himself on me I still made a promiscuous comment to someone else when I knew it was wrong.

When we got to his home the man who forced himself on me answered the door, and helped the boy to his bed. He told me to go sit on the porch and sober up in the fresh air and that he would give me a ride home. I believed he was trustworthy, after all he took such good care of his room mate. I had my eyes closed as I leaned my head on the banister. I didn't even hear him coming outside, I think I may have drifted to sleep for a moment. All of the sudden I felt my jeans being ripped down and he entered me forcefully. I was shocked, we were outside right next to the street. I felt pain and hear people walking by. I said no and started to push at him, and then he grabbed my hand. I said stop at least two or three more times and finally a screamed for him to stop. Then he jumped up and threw my pants at me. I put them on and sat on the step, shocked. Really the only word I can use is stunned. He then told me to get in the car and he would take me home. I felt myself move to the open car door, and I got in and told him the street where I was staying. He could have raped me again, he could have beaten me, he could have killed me if he wanted to. I got in his car. I GOT IN HIS CAR? I cannot nor will I ever be able to rationalize that I got into his car. We sat silently, I barely remember his face. What I do remember of his physical appearance I might have dreamed up. All I do know is that he was very tall and drove a tan car. We rode in silence the entire way and he never so much as touched me. He didn't so much as say bye when I got out of the car. It was cold and silent and chilling.

I walked up the stairs to my friends home and immediate crumbled and began to hysterically cry. No one knew what was wrong but I kept yelling “he hurt me” over and over again. It was certainly a fast way to break up a party. I was alone with my best friend, and she basically blamed me. She saw me kiss the boy that I did not know and assumed it was him who I had had sex with and just regretted it. That I was too drunk to realize that I was to blame. Even when I told her it was a different guy she still insisted that I wanted attention, but that she was sorry I was so upset. I believed her to be exactly right, that I had enjoyed the attention from the boy that I kissed and that I had caused it to happen. I told my now husband everything from start to finish. He cried, became physically ill, I just felt my world crashing. I knew that I hurt him so very deeply but he said that he didn't blame me and that we would work through this together. The pain has eased so much but the guilt and shame remain. I have never told any member of my family about this, and only three of my friends know. Only one knows the the actual details. I am finally ready to heal. I feel a huge weight being lifted just by sharing this with others who have experienced the hurt, the guilt, and the shame. I am so sorry that all of you have either experienced this pain, worse pain, and have lived through hellish situations. But I am so very thankful that like me you all live on. I hope that someone can read my story and feel a little better about theirs. I also hope that everyone will be able to heal and keep the capacity to love and to care.

[mrw13]

This is my first post and I'm a little nervous. But here goes. This is about two separate incidents. I'll allow them to bleed together.

It was really my fault because I was drinking.

It was really my fault because I could have left so many times.

It was really my fault because somehow I must have made them think I wanted it.

It was really my fault because I should have yelled.

It was really my fault because I should have fought harder.

It was really my fault because I was surrounded by people, I should have spoken up.

It was really my fault because I must have deserved it.

It was really my fault because I must have wanted it. Everyone says I was asking for it.

It was just my fault.

But when I allow logic to break through.

It wasn't my fault because every 17 year old drinks. I have the right to have fun.

It wasn't my fault because I trusted the people I was around. I'd known them since I was a kid.

It wasn't my fault because everyone knows I'm gay and knows I wouldn't want that.

It wasn't my fault because I was 13 and scared.

This is hard.

[guest567]

Thanks for posting i totally get that i was 17,

and also surrounded by people i knew and blamed.

I like this task because it is easy for me to read other posts

and see it was never their fault.

so here goes...

It was really my fault because i went over there

It was really my fault because i never said no, screamed or fought him

It was really my fault because i kissed him when he asked

It was really my fault because i could have left

It was really my fault because i said yes

It was really my fault because i put it in and did what i was told

It was really my fault because i didn't ask my youth group leader to get him off me when he was watching.

It was really my fault because everyone else there knew i was choosing to sin

It wasn't my fault because he acknowledged i never wanted it by calling me frigid, he heard me and continued

It wasn't my fault because he chose to set me up and feed me alcohol,

It wasn't my fault because he heard my friend when she said she didn't want any alcohol so he would have heard me too.

It wasn't my fault because he wouldn't stop until i complied

It wasn't my fault because i was raised to obey without question

It wasn't my fault because he was a bit older, and a lot stronger and bigger than me

It wasn't my fault because i learned quickly with him that no matter where i went he would find me and stay with me

It wasn't my fault because everyone heard me yelling at him repeatedly to leave me alone but chose not to hear it.

Edited August 20, 2010 by guest567

[reachingout]

It really was my fault because i thought i was being punished

It really wasn't my fault because i was a child

[RebeccaL]

1. It was really my fault because I didn't fight enough.

2. It was really my fault because I didn't turn him in.

3. It was really my fault because I let it happen twice.

4. It was really my fault because I lied about him.

5. It was really my fault because I didn't run when I had the chance.

6. It was really my fault because I let him tear me down.

1. It wasn't my fault because I thought I knew him.

2. It wasn't my fault because I was young, innocent.

3. It wasn't my fault because I was terrified that something worse could happen.

4. It wasn't my fault because I was so much younger, smaller, weaker.

5. It wasn't my fault because I fought. I cried. I said no.

6. It wasn't my fault because I didn't deserve it. The first time, or the second.

Not going to lie, this was hard. Really hard. The "It wasn't my fault" section was hard as hell.

[portland373]

It was really my fault because I chose to drink and get drunk.

It was really wasn’t his fault because he was drunk too.

It was really my fault because I told him I was sometimes attracted to men.

It was really my fault because I accepted cigarettes and alcohol from him.

It was really my fault because I was nice to him and asked him to dance.

It was really my fault because I should have gone to my bed not slept in a public space.

It was really my fault because I didn’t tell him to stop touching me right away.

It was really my fault because having my head stroked felt good.

It was really my fault because I might have smiled at him.

It was really my fault because I moved my tongue against his.

It was really my fault because I didn’t push his hand off of my breast.

It was really my fault because I never told him I didn’t like him kissing or touching me.

It was really my fault because all I told him was that I wanted to sleep.

It was really my fault because I didn’t push him away when he came into my room afterwards and started touching me again.

It was really my fault because I never showed him I was afraid of him or didn’t want him.

It wasn’t my fault because I was intoxicated and couldn’t give consent.

It wasn’t my fault because the fact that he was drunk was not an excuse for what he did.

It wasn’t my fault because I should be able to feel safe in my own home.

It wasn’t my fault because he knew I was mostly attracted to women.

It wasn’t my fault because I never told him he could touch or kiss me.

It wasn’t my fault because I told him I just wanted to sleep.

It wasn’t my fault because I did try to go someplace where he wouldn’t be.

It wasn’t my fault because later when he came into my room, my private space, he didn’t ask.

It wasn’t my fault because both times I was asleep when he started touching me.

It wasn’t my fault because I told him no but he kept pushing.

It was his fault even though he listened eventually.

I hate that I can’t remember more about what happened. I hate that he doesn’t remember anything.

Thank you.

[Black_rose]

It was really my fault because I was attracted to him

It was really my fault because I didn't fight back hard enough

It was really my fault because I did some things without force

It was really my fault because I gave him the wrong idea

It was really my fault because I kept going back to him

It was really my fault because I didn't get mad at him

It was really my fault because some things felt good

It wasn't my fault because I let him know I didn't want it

It wasn't my fault because he manipulated me

It wasn't my fault because I wasn't as strong as he was

It wasn't my fault because I was ignorant

It wasn't my fault because he knew he hurt me and still carried on

It wasn't my fault because I just wanted to be loved

xxx

Black_rose

[NameIsDraka]

1. It was really my fault because I didn't walk away.

2. It was really my fault because I didn't fight back hard enough.

3. It was really my fault because sometimes I liked it.

4. It was really my fault because I didn't try hard enough

5. It was really my fault because I was selfish and deserved it

6. It was really my fault because I liked him, even through and after the abuse

1. It wasn't my fault because I repressed it.

2. It wasn't my fault because I was scared for my life.

3. It wasn't my fault because he was stronger than me.

4. It wasn't my fault because I had a concussion and wasn't fully myself

5. It wasn't my fault because no one deserves to be treated like that.

6. It wasn't my fault because he played me like a fiddle.

[Quietly]

1. It was really my fault because I chose to stay after everyone else left.

2. It was really my fault because I was drinking too much.

3. It was really my fault because I acted like I was a slut.

4. It was really my fault because went into that bedroom with my boyfriend earlier in the night.

5. It was really my fault because I lied about the fact I was still a virgin.

6. It was really my fault because I never said no.

7. It was really my fault because I don't know if I fought back. I don't remember.

8. It was really my fault because there were dozens of choices I made day after day that led up to being there, at that time, with that false reputation, and that amount of alcohol in me.

9. It was really my fault because that's what I was told when I admitted what happened.

1. It wasn't my fault because I was 15.

2. It wasn't my fault because he was 21.

3. It wasn't my fault because I was drinking so much that I couldn't consent.

4. It wasn't my fault because I was young, stupid, vulnerable, and never ever wanted it to happen.

It's much easier to write it than to feel it.

[msbella]

I have no doubt this is something I need to do. I've read forums and blogs for weeks now, but afraid to sign up. My therapist says I carry a tremendous amount of guilt, most over things I had no control of. I think I will start out slow, with a few and go from there. I forgave my first abuser a few years ago, but made the mistake of getting involved with two other abusers, so I feel all the work I had done was lost.

It was my fault because I told him my story and he used it against me.

It was my fault for letting him see my vulnerability.

It was my fault for letting him be a part of a special event in my life. If I hadn't I may have avoided a lot of pain over the past two years.

It was my fault for looking into his eyes.

It was my fault for going to his place.

It was my fault for agreeing to what I thought was intimacy.

It was my fault for trusting too soon.

It was my fault because I look like my dad.

Edited December 15, 2010 by msbella

[Laurielou]

It was my fault because I shouldn't have been in his flat when I was drunk and on my own

It was my fault because I was too scared to say no

It was my fault because I shouldn't have lost my friends in the club

It was my fault because I should have just left after he did it the first time

It was my fault because he was the only one there who wasn't a student and wasn't with any friends and I should have known

It was my fault because I kissed him when we were in the club

It wasn't my fault because I told him when I realised that we were going back to his that I didn't want to sleep with him

It wasn't my fault because I couldn't move

It wasn't my fault because I was unconcious for some of the time

[kiwi26]

It was really my fault because… I was drunk & I don’t know what happened

It was really my fault because… I secretly wanted to, but was scared

It was really my fault because… I fooled around with him before

It was really my fault because… I didn’t tell anyone for a long time

It was really my fault because… I let him near me again

It wasn't my fault because… I wasn’t ready

It wasn't my fault because… he took advantage of the fact that I was passed out

It wasn't my fault because… I should have been able to trust him

It wasn't my fault because… he knew my beliefs

It wasn't my fault because… he made the decision to do this, not me

[amber85]

1. it was really my fault because my body reacted to it.

2. it was really my fault because my mom took me to a place where they asked me if someone was touching me and I said no numerous times.

3. it was really my fault because he said it was.

4. it was really my fault because it went on for years.

5. it was really my fault because i was too pretty.

6. it was really my fault because i didn't have a dad, and wanted a mans attention any way it came.

1. it wasn't my fault because it was my bodies normal reaction, I didn't enjoy it.

2. it wasn't my fault because i was scared to tell and didn't understand if I'd get in trouble or not.

3. it wasn't my fault because i was a child

4. it wasn't my fault because i did not ask for it, i didn't even know what he was doing/ making me do

5. it wasn't my fault because my mom was the one that left me every weekend and didn't pay attention to the screaming and crying when she left me

6. it wasn't my fault because my young mind didn't know how to handle the situation.

[lucy]

Hey, I think that this us a really great thread. I am not yet ready to write why it wasn't ny fault but here is my list -

TRIGGER WARNING - uncensored please fake care

It is my fault because I wore my short skirt

It is my fault because I took that shortcut alone

It is my fault because I forgot my prefect top

It is my fault because my body responded to it and I really did enjoy it

It is my fault because I didn't say no or fight back hard enough

It is my fault because I asked him to carry on and asked him to do a separate act

It is my fault because i liked how he spoke to me

It is my fault because I should have yelled for help when I had the chance

It is my fault because I undressed his bottom half

It is my fault because I am a dirty little whore

It is my fault because I drank his vodka and took his tablets

It is really my fault because I didn't get the bus home

It is really my fault because I willingly got in to the sexual positions

It is really my fault because I unbuttoned my shirt while walking past the van, I probably gave him the  idea

It is really my fault because I lied about being a virgin

It is really my fault because I picked to use some instruments

It is really my fault because I undressed myself ready for him

Lucy

[travers09]

1. It was really my fault because ___I should have known kissing him meant I had to sleep with him, & I invited him over, I was being a tease

2. It was really my fault because ___He told me before he gets violent when he drinks & that he was bad for me

3. It was really my fault because ___I dressed sexy & I was drinking

4. It was really my fault because ___sex always hurts the first time

5. It was really my fault because ___I agreed to sleep with him & supplied the condom

6. It was really my fault because ___I miss him & hope that if we "do it over again" everything will be okay again

1. It wasn't my fault because ___I didn't owe him anything

2. It wasn't my fault because ___ ???

3. It wasn't my fault because ___ ???

4. It wasn't my fault because ___ ???

5. It wasn't my fault because ___ Only after pressure & intimidation did I agree

6. It wasn't my fault because ___ I told him to stop that he was hurting me...multiple times & he didn't

[SunbulDynamite]

*bump because this is an awesome thread*

I'm not censoring any of this, so you may want to stop reading now.

Child rape:

1. It was really my fault because I didn't say no

2. It was really my fault because I might have misunderstood it, it wasn't 'really' rape, it was only just an innocent game which my older sexualised self twisted the memory of

3. It was really my fault because she told me she would never force me to do anything

4. It was really my fault because I didn't tell anyone

5. It was really my fault because I still love her; I wouldn't love her if it was her fault, would I?

6. It was really my fault because I didn't fight

1. It wasn't my fault because I didn't understand what was happening

2. It wasn't my fault because I didn't realise I could say no

3. It wasn't my fault because rape is rape, regardless of context

4. It wasn't my fault because I was lied to and used by someone I'm supposed to trust

5. It wasn't my fault because nobody would believe me if I told, and I didn't have the words for it at the time anyway

6. It wasn't my fault because I couldn't have fought, I was only a little kid and she would've easily overpowered me

Molestations #1 and #2:

1. It was really my fault because I knew what was happening yet still didn't stop it

2. It was really my fault because I didn't fight even though I could've stood a chance

3. It was really my fault because I don't hate them

4. It was really my fault because I couldn't even feel it while it was happening, couldn't even register it... it probably wasn't that bad, right?

5. It was really my fault because they're nice to me, how could they have done something like that?

6. It was really my fault because I was wearing a short dress that showed off my arms and legs

1. It wasn't my fault because I was too scared to fight or run

2. It wasn't my fault because hating them would be counterproductive

3. It wasn't my fault because it doesn't matter if I couldn't really register it happening... if anything, that makes it more of their fault than mine because they took advantage of my fucked-up-ness

4. It wasn't my fault because niceness is not indicative of personality, nor does it guarantee someone isn't fucked up

5. It wasn't my fault because I didn't choose the dress, my mum did

6. It wasn't my fault because an attractive ten-year-old is still a ten-year-old

Courtesy of my beloved smother:

1. It was really my fault because I never once talked to her about it or tried to stop it

2. It was really my fault because I could've at least locked the door of the bathroom

3. It was really my fault because I didn't tell anyone

4. It was really my fault because she's my mother, she's allowed to do whatever she likes, who am I to complain?

5. It was really my fault because I probably have just misunderstood it all, it's normal

6. It was really my fault because I still live with her and I haven't done anything about her

7. It was really my fault because I sometimes was turned on by it

1. It wasn't my fault because I felt (and still feel) powerless to stop her

2. It wasn't my fault because she would've beaten me if I'd tried things like locking the bathroom door

3. It wasn't my fault because nobody would believe me - society sets mothers up to be this shining beacon of purity and sweetness and light

4. It wasn't my fault because she forfeited the right to be my 'real' mother when she started all this shit

5. It wasn't my fault because being watched and touched sexually in various states of undress

6. It wasn't my fault because I'm financially dependent on her, my hands are tied and it's best to just wait it out

7. It wasn't my fault because being turned on means nothing - it was still incestuous and non-consensual.