Melanie

5 worst betrayals

171 posts in this topic

7 hours ago, pursuinggrace said:

adoptive father: CSA 11 years

mother: "how long will we have to suffer for what you went through,"" it could have been worse,"" apparently there is nothing wrong with you"

adoptive sister:聽"I knew it was happening, I thought you wanted it." I was 9-10

ex husband: rape, physical and emotional abuse

me: self-hatred and sabotage

I am so sorry. Who in their right mind says that to anybody, much less a child of 9-10??? And they knew about it and did nothing. I am so very sorry. You deserved tender loving care.

馃Andrew

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1) After my first csa, at 5 years old by a teen boy... we were robbed. Within days my mom started beating me for punishment. What would have been a few swats with a belt, became 8-10 lashes with a belt. Not my twin, not my 2 yr younger brother...me.聽

2) Around age 7, in a grocery story, mom knocked my head with twin head, I was stunned and fell to the floor head first knocking me out for a few minutes. She left me there while goin down one aisle and coming back up the next...

3) age 15, got beat up by 13 yr old girl same size as me, because I didn't sit with her at a bonfire. Her older sister stopped her from kicking me while I was on the ground.

4) age 17, summer romance who used me to make her ex jealous... totally destroyed what little self esteem I had.聽

5) age 20, caught in the act attempting sui at work, while in the Marines a few days after my first adult sa by a female. The Marines did nothing, no help no mental health eval...nothing...

6) groomed by male predator who then sa me 2X . Threatened to falsely out was gay, and then kill me and hide my body so family couldn't bury me.

7) dv/sa by wife, victim shamed by her also.

馃Andrew

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I

13 hours ago, LionheartedAndrew said:

I am so sorry. Who in their right mind says that to anybody, much less a child of 9-10??? And they knew about it and did nothing. I am so very sorry. You deserved tender loving care.

馃Andrew

It was cruel to say the least, but I was 18 and she was 26 when she said it to me. I was 9-10 when she lived with us for about a year, she was referring to that time (she was 17-18.)聽I didn't know how to respond, it was like my brain couldn't register what she was saying, it was like a verification that I was worthless, I thought no one knew or cared, then I found out someone knew and didn't care.聽:tear:

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I'm sorry @LionheartedAndrew:hug:

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3 hours ago, pursuinggrace said:

I

It was cruel to say the least, but I was 18 and she was 26 when she said it to me. I was 9-10 when she lived with us for about a year, she was referring to that time (she was 17-18.)聽I didn't know how to respond, it was like my brain couldn't register what she was saying, it was like a verification that I was worthless, I thought no one knew or cared, then I found out someone knew and didn't care.聽:tear:

My goodness...I am so sorry. I would have hugged you and held you tight snuggled in a blanket. And taken you away from those poor excuses for humans. She was as sick as them. I know and I care, my friend, dear and precious friend.聽:hug:

馃馃挐馃専馃寛馃挄馃挆馃尭馃馃嵀鉂わ笍馃尯馃尮馃馃馃槉馃尲馃尰馃尫馃巿

馃Andrew

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2 hours ago, pursuinggrace said:

I'm sorry @LionheartedAndrew:hug:

After all these years Mom had finally turned a new leaf( well actually 5 years ago). And now that has been deeply stained with the past. I don't know what will happen with that.

Sigh.....

馃Andrew

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I have several betrayals, but the one that hurt me most for me, was that of my abuser himself. I had confided in him about my mental health, and he used that to his advantage. He manipulated, brainwashed, and isolated me to the point where I didn't think that I could survive without him.

The other betrayal came from my mother. She makes me feel like I can't talk about what happened and always asks me why I'm still thinking about it, and why I haven't just forgotten about it.聽

The last one came from my church, mainly the church ladies who still believe that my abuser is a good guy, and want him to come back to the church, even though my pastor expelled him from coming to church or church activities.聽

I was betrayed by the police who wouldn't arrest my abuser due to "lack of evidence".聽

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I am so sorry you were betrayed by those who should have your back.聽:metoyou:

Safe聽:hug:if okay.

馃Andrew

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@Joaa25聽I am sorry you were betrayed by people who should have protected you. I hope that you find support and healing here.聽:metoyou:

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1) Dad when he started doing the awful things to me

2) Mom when she did not leave Dad, blamed me, pathologized me, locked me up in psych hospitals, screamed at me, kicked me out of the house

3) Brother when he molested me. I could take his beatings. But not that.

4) Ex-fiancee when she let her mother think that I physically abused her and did not let me come back to our apartment for any reason when I had never hurt her.

5) Ex-boyfriend when he raped me, humiliated me and threatened me.聽

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@Shadowsong:metoyou:

馃

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I can name a exactly 3 betrayals in my life.聽

1. My mother was my very first betrayal and the first person to ever break my heart from the very beginning. When I was 7 my stepfather molested me and when telling my mother she confronted him and after he denied it (naturally) she looked at me and told me "See there you have it, stop lying about such things and how could you?, You're stepfather has done nothing but love you and take care of you when your own father couldn't step up to the plate. So stop spreading lies." I realize now what I didn't realize then that she intact broke me as a person because the 1 person that a child should be able to trust betrayed me.

2. My Stepfather. Now let me just say this man is good. I mean he deserves an award on how good he is. He used my vulnerability with my father and my broken relationship with my mother to groom me. I would remember time and time again when my father missed his weekends to pick me up he would say "don't worry maybe next week he will take you to go get ice cream. OR your mother is just upset with your dad but at the end of the day thats your dad and he loves you no matter what" and at the same time this is the same man who molested me and groomed me damn near my entire life. but I love him because at the end of the day he did put clothes on my back, kept a roof over my head and made sure I ate. So how can I love someone but hate them at the same time?

3. I am currently 25 years old and I can honestly say that I don't even 聽think my childhood/adulthood was even real. Because I feel like I lived the life they wanted me to live. A life full of lies, betrayals, hidden agendas and just plain old spite.聽Yes granted my biological father was in and out of my life (which I聽later found out it was due to being an addict) But its just like I feel聽betrayed by my father because he wasn't there to protect me. To save me. And yes we've come to form a relationship. It really hurts and irritates me to no end that he has a son now and he will watch his son grow up, graduate high school, prom etc.. when he missed out on all those milestones with me. AND I AM ANGRY!聽

Ive never ever written about this ever before and not really sure how this works or if it will even be shown on the thread it just feels good to just write it down.聽

-The girl who kept this a secret for over 19 years.

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Guest Parents,

I am so very very sorry you were betrayed in such a manner. I am also sorry your bio-dad has a relationship with his younger child and not you as well.

Sitting with you. Safe :hug:if okay. :bouquet::metoyou:

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I have more to add to my list of betrayals.聽 I had new memories come back last week...

I was betrayed by the man my father trusted to watch me while he and mom were at the hospital. My baby brother had meningitis, and a temp of 106. They dropped me off at one house and my twin brother at another house.

The man digital an*l r*p* me 8 times over a 4 day weekend. Every night during bath time and again right after.聽 And then after dressed in pjs, dry hump me on his lap till he finished. I was just about 3 years old.

Also age 22 in Marines, tackled by drunk female sailor who then sa me.

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Guest Parents I can hear your pain and frustration. I'm sorry you were betrayed that way by them all and your mother retraumatized you.聽:bouquet:

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@LionheartedAndrew聽it saddens me you have so many betrayals in your life.thinking of you 馃尮馃尮馃尮馃挆馃拹

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@Mishi, thank you...I'm pretty blown away too. To think, none of this was known to me for all these years, and now 41 years of abuse history in less than 5 months...overload!!!聽:bouquet::hug::holdhands::heart::wub::holdhands:馃挅馃尮馃拹馃挒馃挏馃挍

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Safe hugs for eveyone, and anyone who wants some聽:hug:

I can't think about 5, but two recent ones from the same person:

1) She thought I wanted what happened to me. She tried to put some of HER logic in it. Proved she doesn't really know me.聽

2) A few weeks ago, she said I didn't think聽know what聽love is... and I said: maybe you're right. Making me think again I was sellfish and I only cared for myself.聽

The person who says she loves me, whi wants the best for me. Sometimes聽I feel lile she likes playing with my mind. Like she wsnts to get me really upset...聽

She's just making me put some distance between us. The end of an era.聽

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@Carlha:hug::holdhands::bouquet:

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As a secondary survivor being uppermost in my mind and the reason why I am on this site, I find it confusing to be responding to this from my own personal perspective as just me but here goes;

1. my dad, for his sa of my twin whilst I was asleep next to her

2. whoever it was that gave me body trigger that I have - the memory being someone from my left attempting to (can't write the words yet) but I was very young

3. my mum for not contacting authorities sooner and more often when all the violence was going on throughout my childhood

4. my first husband who, when I woke up whilst he was attempting to rape me, broke out into violence when I responded negatively

5. my family for not having my best interests at heart, for not being in anyway trustworthy, for meeting their own needs above mine, never really listening to me, just me.

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@RosaRay,聽:hug:

You mentioned several incidents that by definition make you a survivor. I am so very very sorry those things happened to you. You deserved none of it, nor your twin.聽:bouquet::metoyou:

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